Why Is TikTok Obsessing Over the Black Cat and Golden Retriever Dating Theory? Let Me, a Relationship Editor, Explain

I remember this moment like it was yesterday: My sister, 6 years old at the time, refused to get out of the car. It was a gorgeous blue-skied day at Cooper’s Beach in Southampton, and my parents were unpacking the Jeep with boogie boards and beach chairs. Jilly, who always preferred to be indoors, sat defiantly in her car seat with furrowed brows. “I’M NOT GOING,” she hissed when my dad tried to unclip her seatbelt. She elbowed him in the stomach with her chicken wing and slammed the door shut. “I swear to god—” my dad huffed in exasperation, “I can’t name another kid who treats a beach day like a punishment.” He wiped a layer of sweat from beneath his Ray Bans. “She’s a freaking black cat.” Herein lies the origin of my family’s nickname for my sister: black cat .

See, Jilly (now 24 years old) would still prefer to be in bed playing Sims. I, on the other hand, am a tree-hugger who still collects starfish at the beach. This dichotomy is the perfect capture of our personalities. While I was vocal at a young age, able to articulate how I felt and what I needed, Jilly required a feelings chart to identify her emotions. People often use adjectives like “intimidating” and “mysterious” to describe their first impression of Jilly. Meanwhile, my feedback has typically been “outgoing” or “vocal” (I won most opinionated in my high school superlatives.) That withstanding, my sister is undoubtedly my best, best friend. She’s my grounding force when I’m spiraling out of control, and I’m her perspective when she can’t get out of her own way. Who do you think ultimately cajoled her out of the car at Cooper's? (I bribed her with chicken nuggets.)

So now, you can imagine the look on my face when I saw the uptick of Black Cat Golden Retriever videos on TikTok . The trend—which applies to everything from sibling dynamics to best friend dynamics to couples dynamics —is basically about the balancing act of yin and yang. So, since I’m a relationship editor, I’ll be focusing on how this theory applies to your dating life. Below, find a full breakdown of black cat and golden retriever couples. (Spoiler: It’s totally normal to be a black cat in one relationship and a golden retriever in another.)

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What Is the Black Cat and Golden Retriever Dating Theory?

True to its name, the black cat/golden retriever theory derives from stereotypes associated with each pet: the golden retriever represents a bubbly, energetic and loyal partner while the black cat embodies a more reserved, independent and enigmatic demeanor. In terms of dating, I’ve noticed that the more feminine partner assumes the role of black cat while the masculine tends to skew more golden retriever. And while there’s no clear origin of where this trend started, TikTok is eating it up with hundreds of couples videos that showcase the dynamic.

Why Does the Black Cat and Golden Retriever Dating Dynamic Work?

The short answer is that black cat/golden retriever pairings work because they model the idea that opposites attract . Psychologically speaking, this stems from The Theory of Complementarity : qualities of one person supplement or enhance the qualities of another person—and vice versa. Let’s use “Ben,” a guy I fell in love with after college, as an example. Ben was the personification of a black cat: he’d literally hiss if I tried coaxing him into an unfamiliar situation. (Think: Convincing him to accompany me to a bar with 15 college friends he’d never met.) He had a strong, sometimes stubborn, sense of self that made him fiercely independent—and he was borderline psychic when it came to snuffing out people’s true intentions. To that end, while Ben was wary of the outside world, I was the golden retriever who welcomed it. I gravitate towards new, exciting interactions and require a level of challenge and adventure to engage my brain. The catch-22 here is that I constantly feel overextended and exhausted after a long day of play (kind of like a puppy passing out after the dog park).

In this case, you could say I struggled to slow down and ground myself while Ben had trouble opening up and letting people in. And this is why our dynamic worked (until it didn’t): When you combine Ben’s reservations with my sense of adventure, you get balance on both sides. It speaks to the root of this theory, where the black cat feels comfortable being unapologetically themselves and the golden retriever feels bound by others’ expectations and emotions. The black cat also wishes they could be more open to life, and the golden retriever is on a never-ending quest to get the most out of life. What one person brings to the table, the other lacks. (He ultimately ended the relationship outside of a club in Midtown, and I’ll never step foot on PHD rooftop again… that's another story.)

How to Know if You're the Black Cat in a Relationship

How to Know if You're the Golden Retriever in a Relationship

What If You Feel Like a Black Cat and a Golden Retriever?

At this point, I have to mention that these characters are far from concrete. While I tend to exude golden retriever on the surface, my closest friends would dub me the black cat of our group. I love my alone time, I loathe small talk, and I have a slew of niche interests. Add to that the fact that I’ve assumed the black cat role in many dating dynamics. I’ve gone out with finance bros who think Jay McInerney is an economist they studied in college. When they learn McInerney is my favorite fiction author, I’m suddenly ~mysterious~. This, in turn, is why I believe “introverted cat” and “extroverted dog” are better in theory. In reality, people are more three-dimensional than the TikTok trend implies—and different partners may bring out different cat/retriever traits within you.

5 Black Cat and Golden Retriever Celebrity Couples

1. Rihanna (Black Cat) and A$AP Rocky (Golden Retriever)

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If you’ve blasted any of Rhianna’s hits—including her Oscar-nominated song , “Lift Me Up,”—you know that her brand is all about independence and autonomy. Her lyrics often speak to the black cat mantra, emphasizing power from doing your own thing . A$AP Rocky’s hits, however, reverberate golden retriever vibes. The titles alone, like “Wild for the Night” and “L$D,” are about living life to the fullest (and partying with friends, of course). When you blend both artists, you get songs like “Fashion Killa” that fuse A$AP Rocky's easy-going charm and Rihanna’s edgy confidence.

2. Zendaya (Black Cat) and Tom Holland (Golden Retriever)

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Watch one interaction of this couple and the proof is in the pudding. Zendaya, whose roles have spanned from tennis champion to drug-addicted teen is no stranger to niche audiences. She also carries a more subdued persona in interviews—and her struggle with anxiety speaks to a deep, introspective nature. Holland, on the other hand, oozes good-boy energy. He has that playful, silly retriever charisma that leaves you feeling light as a feather after binging Spider-Man . Their dynamic is *so* retriever-cat, in fact, that Black Cat Tom Holland Zendaya has more than 180 million posts on TikTok alone.

3. Blake Lively (Golden Retriever) and Ryan Reynolds (Black Cat)

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First and foremost, Blake Lively is what a golden retriever would look like (if it were six-foot and drop-dead gorgeous). Her personality is a scoop of sunshine. Ryan Reynolds, on the other hand, encompasses the signature snark of a black cat. Case in point: Blake once posted a congratulatory message for Reynolds’s Time 100 honor, apologizing for Ryan "blocking" John Legend in the photo . Ryan, in turn, wished Blake a happy birthday by posting a picture where most of her face was cropped out​ . Good girl retriever, bad boy black cat.

4. Holland Taylor (Black Cat) and Sarah Paulson (Golden Retriever)

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According to Page Six , Legally Blonde’s Holland Taylor and American Horror Story’s Sarah Paulson live in separate houses—which Taylor believes is the secret to a successful relationship. “We do some things separately so everyone gets to be true to what they believe,” she says. “[Sarah] is much more social, and I like a little bit of alone time, so I have that. She spends some time with friends and not with me, so it’s a good balance.” If that’s not black-cat-golden-retriver-energy, I don’t know what is.

5. Prince Harry (Golden Retriever) and Meghan Markle (Black Cat)

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Meghan Markle exudes black cat vibes in a very royal way—her combination of elegance and grace is offset by a level of mystery she keeps in her private life. (Add to that the fact that she’s full of surprises, between her role in Suits and the release of her cookbook .) On the flip side, Prince Harry radiates golden retriever with an approachable, playful demeanor. While he’s known for spontaneous interactions— like surprising schoolchildren in his old uniform —Markle serves as a grounding force that calms him before public events . She’s his yin, he’s her yang.

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