While there are undoubtedly many workplaces that are healthy and supportive to their employees, there are just as many that are toxic and turn to manipulation to control their employees. As one 2018 study found, between 0.5 and 5% of participants reported daily use of some forms of emotional manipulation in the workplace, or manipulating in order to control emotions. Between 1 and 11% said that they experienced emotional manipulation at least weekly at work.
Once you realize that you are being manipulated at work, it may make you feel powerless. That’s why we asked psychologists for the top signs of workplace manipulation and what to do about it.
Related: 13 Red Flags of Gaslighting at Work and How to Respond, According to Psychologists
What Is Manipulation?
“Manipulation is a form of control where the manipulator aims to have power over the behaviors and perceptions of another person,” says Jeannette Craigfeld, Psy.D. “This can often distort the sense of reality and sense of self for the person being manipulated.”
Related: Is the ‘Spotlight Effect’ Hurting You at Work? Here’s What It Is and 6 Therapist-Backed Ways To Shake It Off
Why Is There Manipulation in the Workplace?
According to Dr. Scott Lyons , workplaces can be places where manipulation happens because there can be a range of power dynamics that comes with the hierarchical structure of many workplaces.
“It's important to understand what manipulation looks like so you can identify if you're working in a toxic or traumatic environment,” he notes.
There are several things that can lead to an uptick in manipulation within a workplace. As Golee Abrishami, Ph.D. , Head of Clinical Care and a psychologist at Octave points out, workplaces with an all-or-nothing focus on productivity and profits can bring out bad behavior in people. Also, reckless ambition can lead to manipulation.
Dr. Abrishami also says not all manipulation is intentional, but it’s almost always harmful.
“Many managers excel in a certain skill set, but often lack sufficient training to lead people well,” she explains. “Insufficient training of leaders can lead to them unknowingly mistreating others.”
Manipulation can take place between employees, but it can often happens between managers and their reports.
9 Red Flags of Workplace Manipulation and How to Respond
1. Gaslighting
Gaslighting , the term that’s become popular in recent years and is often discussed within the context of romantic relationships , can also take place at work. In the case of gaslighting, Dr. Lyons says that manipulators will deny the truth and cause others to distrust their own thoughts of a conversation or incident.
“Trust yourself to know what's really going on in a situation,” says Dr. Lyons, suggesting that you are careful to read your gut when you suspect that gaslighting is going on.
2. The Silent Treatment
Dr. Lyons says that ignoring people, or giving the “silent treatment,” in the workplace can be a manipulator's way of getting someone to do what they want. He advises, “If you feel you’re receiving the silent treatment, you should talk to the person and/or your boss or manager about it,” and take the direct route.
3. Gatekeeping
Gatekeeping of information is also a form of workplace manipulation. Dr. Abrishami says that this is often an intentional act to hang someone out to dry.
“Someone may do this to make you look unprepared in front of superiors or to try to get you to perform poorly,” she explains. “Unfortunately, it’s hard to know if someone is gatekeeping information because you don’t know what you don’t know. Do your homework so that you stay abreast of what’s happening at work in a timely manner, which will give someone less of an opportunity to gatekeep information.”
4. Guilt-Tripping
Dr. Craigfeld says that guilt is a frequently used manipulation tactic, which can certainly be used in the workplace in order to get people to let go of boundaries or take blame for issues they are not solely responsible for.
She explains, “If you find yourself frequently feeling guilt or blame at work that you wouldn't normally feel, it could be a sign of manipulation. Seeking out therapy and other forms of support outside of work is critical to be able to identify ways you may be taking on more responsibility at work than you need to and find ways to be more compassionate toward yourself.”
Related: 13 Best Phrases to End a Meeting, Plus the #1 Way You *Don't* Want to Close It Out, According to Psychologists
5. Inconsistent Treatment
Dr. Abrishami shares that one red flag of workplace manipulation is inconsistent treatment of employees.
She notes, “In hybrid and remote environments , it’s easy to feel like you’re working in isolation. You may see limited interactions in video calls , which are often just a handful of people. Try to get different perspectives by creating trustworthy connections with colleagues and exposing yourself to different projects and people. Doing so will give you a broader perspective and help you recognize inconsistent treatment.”
6. Not Giving Credit Where It’s Due
Every so often, workplace manipulation can show up as not giving credit to the right person.
“Sometimes misdirecting credit is an honest mistake, especially in large, matrix organizations,” Dr. Abrishami says. “However, misdirecting credit is a way to block you from recognition and the benefits that come with it—like positive feelings and new opportunities. You must become comfortable with taking credit for your work as it happens, and correcting people when credit is misplaced.”
7. False Promises
“False promises can be a sign of workplace manipulation if you’re continuously getting promised promotions or raises,” says Dr. Lyons. “If this is something you’re experiencing, talk to HR to get a realistic timeline and gauge of your growth at the company.”
8. A Highly-Emotional Atmosphere
Dr. Craigfeld says that frequent high emotion or feeling like the workplace is an emotional rollercoaster can be an indicator of manipulation.
“Many workplaces can be inherently stressful , but when it feels like a person in the workplace is consistently keeping everyone on an emotional rollercoaster, they may be engaging in manipulative behavior designed to get strong emotional reactions from others and use that against them,” Dr. Craigfeld explains.
And although it can be easier said than done, she says that it’s key to protect your mental and emotional health in this context by taking frequent breaks and time off when and where you can.
She adds, “Make sure you are getting support outside of work from friends, family and potentially a therapist if you are able to.”
9. Unreasonable Demands
“It’s beneficial to feel challenged at work in order to expand your abilities and grow as a professional—but there’s a limit,” cautions Dr. Abrishami. “If you consistently receive unreasonable demands, it may be a sign of workplace manipulation. The person issuing the demands may be trying to set you up to fail, or trying to make you so uncomfortable that you’ll leave. You should know your job description inside and out and have regular conversations with your manager to let them know when you’re receiving requests outside of the scope of your role.”
Why Is Workplace Manipulation Bad for Morale?
Dr. Lyons says that workplace manipulation is highly detrimental to employee morale “as it creates a toxic environment that undermines trust, psychological safety and overall well-being.” He adds that it erodes self-esteem and confidence , leading to increased stress and anxiety among employees.
Dr. Abrishami believes that workplace manipulation is a toxic type of relationship .
She says, “Although you may think that you can compartmentalize what happens at work from your personal life, the truth is that it’s much harder to do than it seems. We are emotional beings, and manipulation affects us emotionally regardless of when or where it happens.”
It can also lead to a lack of motivation to do your work, as Dr. Craigfeld says. But she goes on to say that employees do have more power in these situations than they realize.
“If it feels overwhelming to consider setting more boundaries or finding ways to take care of yourself at work, try to start small and slowly build as you get more comfortable advocating for yourself,” she explains. “Being in that kind of toxic environment for so many hours of the week can significantly impact your mental health, so do not hesitate to look for a new job and seek out therapy if you start to notice work stress impacting how you're feeling outside of work and particularly how you think about yourself.”
Additionally, Dr. Lyons recommends reaching out to HR, your manager or a professional about what you should do.
Next up, discover a sneaky sign of workplace burnout .
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