Bette Midler Calls 40 Years Of Not Sharing A Bed Secret To Successful Marriage

78-year-old Bette Midler has spent four decades married to Martin von Haselberg, as of 2024. She’s a singer and actress who’s been dubbed the Divine Miss M; he’s one half of the comedic Kipper Kids group. There’s some overlap that would promote a decent marriage, but the real trick, Midler revealed, is that they’ve shared neither bedroom nor bed.

Midler and von Haselberg first met back in 1981 while attending a concert alongside mutual friends. One night a whole two years later, they crossed paths again, and it was at this point she gave him her number. It took yet another year for him to actually call her, though. But they didn’t waste any time and got married six weeks after they started dating. Despite this beginning of starts and stops, they’ve made it work, and Midler credits sleeping in separate bedrooms for that success.

Bette Midler says the secret to her 40-year-long marriage is sleeping in a separate bed

December 16, 1984, marks the day Midler and von Haselberg formally tied the knot. They’ve been making it work ever since then, 40 years and counting. Midler believes that distance makes the heart grow fonder, even if that distance is still within the same building.

“I think the secret is giving each other a lot of lead and a lot of room and not being in each other’s faces all the time,” she said, speaking with People in 2014, just ahead of her 30th anniversary. She also listed “listening” and a willingness to compromise as essential ingredients for a marriage that’s good for both parties.

But she also stresses the importance of “separate bedrooms.” Having a separate bed is especially important for Midler and von Haselberg, the “Do You Want to Dance” singer noted, because “My husband snores.”

Midler has no shortage of praise for her husband

Together, the power couple are the parents of 37-year-old Sophie von Haselberg, who has followed closely in her parents’ footsteps and become an actress with a sizable filmography of her own. In this, Midler has higher praise for von Haselberg compared to his snoring volume.

“My husband is probably the greatest father who ever lived,” she gushed. “He’s fantastic. He picked up the slack when I was on the road. He taught her a foreign language. He taught her to cook.”

Midler’s own father practiced caution when raising Midler, especially when she showed interest in the entertainment industry. “My parents – both Jewish immigrants – were horrified when I announced I wanted to go into showbusiness,” Midler revealed. “My mother thought it was fantastic, but she was afraid for me. My father loved me, but until the day he died he thought it was a total waste of time and that I should have been a teacher or a nurse.”

Three Grammys, three Primetime Emmys, and two Tonys later, it seemed things worked out after all—although, of course, the odds can go either way with the same ease as flipping a coin and their caution is not unwarranted.