What Makes Jewish Marriages Successful: Here's Why They Last [Opinion]

8 Brilliant Rules of Communication Between Husband and Wife

Photo byZama Lucas

Jewish marriages have long been renowned for their longevity and stability. With divorce rates significantly lower than the general population, many wonder what the secret is to their success.

Jewish women often explain this by saying that the souls of the spouses are united into one, making divorce as painful and pointless as separating conjoined twins. However, this explanation is a romanticized version.

Jewish men believe that all women are essentially the same. Therefore, if a man cannot get along with one woman, he will not be better off with another.

Some people believe that true love can only be experienced once in a lifetime, and everything else is just an echo or shadow of this love.

However, pragmatic Jews say: "Love develops over 10 years."

They believe that love grows in a marriage that you build and improve over time, through shared experiences, traditions, holidays, joys and sorrows, and the smiles of your children, in which you see a reflection of your own traits.

In Eastern cultures, women are taught to be silent and obedient to their husbands. In Western cultures, individuality and independence in a partner are highly valued. However, Jewish culture follows its own unique path.

The secret to their success is a combination of cultural values, religious principles, and practical communication strategies. Together, these elements create a solid foundation for a strong, fulfilling relationship. Here, we look at eight great communication rules that contribute to the success of Jewish marriages.

Here are 8 brilliant rules of communication between husband and wife in a Jewish family:

1. Love your wife for who she is.

Tlya comes out of the beauty salon. Zama, looking at her, mutters:

- Okay, well... At least I tried...

In the Jewish tradition, unconditional love is of utmost importance. Husbands are encouraged to love their wives for who they are, appreciating their unique qualities and individuality. Husbands do not try to re-educate their wives, change their appearance or character, they accept them, allowing them to feel valued and cherished.

2. Accept all your husband's shortcomings

- Tlya, my daughter, listen! Don't bring your husband to the boil, or he might evaporate!

Just as husbands are encouraged to love their wives unconditionally, wives are taught to accept their husbands' imperfections. Recognizing that everyone has imperfections helps couples focus on the positive aspects of their relationship rather than dwelling on the negative.

An ancient Chinese proverb says: if you want a friend without flaws, you risk being friendless. The same is true for husbands.

3. Shalom Bayit (Peace in the House)

Over the years, Nam’s strong love for his wife developed into a culinary and household addiction.

The concept of Shalom Bayit, which means "peace in the home," is central to Jewish marriage. It emphasizes the importance of creating a harmonious and loving home environment. This principle encourages couples to prioritize peace, avoid unnecessary conflict, and resolve differences with respect and understanding.

What difference does it make who is right and who is wrong? After all, you are talking about everyday life, not solving global issues. Husband and wife are on the same side of the barricades.

4. Forgive all minor mistakes.

It's one o'clock in the morning. Moya shouts from the bedroom:

- Darling, will you finally come to me?!

Rose, without looking up from her computer:

- Right now, yeah, I dropped all my classmates and ran to you!

Forgiveness is a vital element of any successful marriage. Jewish couples are encouraged to forgive minor mistakes and not allow small issues to escalate into major conflicts.

5. Don't give in to jealousy

Two Jews meet on the street:

- Moishe, how I laughed yesterday! I was walking past your windows in the evening and saw through the curtains how your wife was running n aked, and you after her, also n aked! It was so funny!

- Izya, do you want to laugh even more? It wasn't me!

Jealousy can be a destructive force in any relationship. Jews emphasize the importance of trust and fidelity, urging couples to avoid jealousy. Trusting your partner and maintaining open, honest communication helps build a secure and confident relationship.

6. Be able to negotiate

Negotiation skills are essential for resolving conflicts and making joint decisions. Jewish couples communicate openly, listen to each other's points of view, and find mutually beneficial solutions.

7. Gratitude for gifts

– My husband and I have an extraordinary Day of Accord and Reconciliation planned for tomorrow.

- How is that?

- Let's go to the store. I try it on - he agrees!

Gratitude plays an important role in maintaining positive and appreciative relationships. Jewish couples are taught to express gratitude for both small and large acts of kindness from their partners.

8. Protect your partner's nerves. We are all not perfect.

- Rabin, what do you think happiness is?

– Happiness is having a beautiful wife.

- What is misfortune then?

- Misfortune? Misfortune is to have such happiness.

Recognizing that no one is perfect and that everyone has moments of stress or anxiety is important in marriage. Emotional support and understanding during difficult times helps strengthen the relationship and shows deep empathy and care.

9. Look at life positively

- Yaha, you and I are the most unhappy people!

- Firo, why do you think so?

– We live near the sea, we don’t even have anywhere to go on vacation!

Maintaining a positive outlook and focusing on the good things in life and your relationship can greatly improve marital satisfaction. This optimistic approach helps couples cope more effectively with challenges and celebrate their successes together.

What do you think about this? Which rule did you like the most? Share in the comments!