The Phibes Philes: Metal Mutt – When KISS Met Scooby-Doo

Scooby-Doo meets KISS. That is a concept that is inherently goofy but not entirely unexpected. Mystery Inc. has solved cases with everyone from Don Knotts to Sia; KISS has appeared in cartoons like “Family Guy” and “The Fairly Odd Parents.” Heck, KISS even guest-starred in “A Scooby-Doo Halloween” back in 2003. Everything about “Scooby-Doo and KISS: Rock ‘n’ Roll Mystery” seems pretty standard on the surface. There are about 30 direct-to-video Scooby movies released per week, most of a consistently amusing quality. These films are generally funny enough, spooky enough, and charming enough if you’re a lifelong Scooby fan like myself. With that said, they’re more or less the same: a creepy monster terrorizes a fun location, Scooby and the gang show up, the monsters chase them, and the gang eventually exposes the monster as a sham. “Scooby-Doo and KISS” does follow this formula on the surface, but there is one notable twist: it’s a Marvel superhero story starring KISS. And when I say “Marvel superhero,” I mean this is a full-blown cosmic journey with psychedelic visuals and warriors from another planet. This ain’t MCU, this is Jack Kirby.

Unlike the average Scooby-Doo outing, the guest stars completely take over. I’d even go as far as to say that it’s a KISS movie in which Mystery Inc. are the guest stars. It’s essentially a sequel of sorts to “KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park,” another Hanna-Barbera production. Instead of Magic Mountain, the action takes place at KISS World, a state-of-the-art amusement park themed entirely around KISS. There’s no mad scientist or Phantom here, but there is a menacing figure known as the Crimson Witch. Considering all the Kirby influence on the film, it’s safe to assume she’s based on Scarlet Witch. With all their fantastical abilities, KISS faces off against the Crimson Witch in a mighty battle that goes beyond our dimension and into realms unknown. And Scooby-Doo helps.

“Scooby-Doo and KISS” is a lot. It’s a Halloween special, a mystery movie, a galactic epic, a superhero actioner, a silly comedy, a rock ‘n’ roll musical, and probably eight other things I’m forgetting. Here, KISS are ancient warriors from the cosmic realm of KISSteria who are tasked with protecting the Rock of KISSteria from the Destroyer, a hulking monstrosity with a face like Darkseid and armor like Galactus. Each member of KISS is endowed with their own set of powers: Starchild is a master of the mystic arts, Demon can breathe fire, Spaceman controls electricity, and Catman has all the powers of a cat and a man. KISSteria itself seems ripped from the pages of Kirby’s “Fourth World” books, capturing the essence of funny books better than most actual adaptations.

Truth be told, “Scooby-Doo and KISS” is more akin to Hanna-Barbera shows like “Herculoids” and “Space Ghost” (not “Coast to Coast”) than “Scooby-Doo” proper. This is a weird adventure cartoon in which Mystery Inc. only sorta affects the plot. On that level, it fails as a Scooby-Doo cartoon. As a KISS fantasy cartoon, it passes with flying colors. There are references to just about every major KISS song and even a few to other action ‘toons. (KISS gets a Sailor Moon transformation.) The designs are the kind of pulpy sci-fi nonsense I just can’t get enough of. It really makes me wish KISS had gotten a proper animated series. Hanna-Barbera almost produced one back in 1979, but that never came to be. “Scooby-Doo and KISS” gives us a taste of what could have been.

I absolutely love this goofy cartoon. It’s exactly the Saturday morning extravaganza it’s clearly trying to be. My only complaint is, sadly, the Scooby-Doo element, which pains me to say as a Scooby-Diehard. Don’t get me wrong. The Mystery Inc. stuff is as good as ever, it’s just that the actual mystery kinda drags the fantasy stuff down. In classic “Scooby-Doo” fashion, the supernatural elements are revealed to be fake. Until they turn out to be real. Except that they really are fake. Or are they? It’s really quite confusing, and I wish they had committed to the superhero angle. Producers Spike Brandt and Tony Cervone even admitted that they’re not entirely sure how much of this movie is real or fake.

That minor complaint aside, “Scooby-Doo and KISS” is just aces. I know people who don’t even like Scooby-Doo or KISS who enjoy it. If you like both, it’s pure nirvana. For KISS fans, it has a million in-jokes, classic songs, actual members of KISS as Saturday morning cartoon stars (KISS here are Paul Stanley, Gene Simmons, Tommy Thayer, and Eric Singer), and a cool environment that captures the rock-‘n’-roll circus vibe the band is known for. For Scooby fans, it features classic Mystery Inc. antics, the last time Mindy Cohn voiced Velma and Scooby-Doo breathing fire. For comic fans, it’s likely the most accurate Jack Kirby film you’re ever going to see, even if it ain’t actually a Jack Kirby movie. KISS even recorded an original song for the film… it’s just not what you would expect. Really, that’s the nature of this film: it’s not what you would expect. We need more rock ‘n’ roll cosmic superhero Halloween specials. For now, this remains the best. You wanted the best, you got the best!