Harold and the Purple Crayon Review: Irreparably Irritating

In a world where every piece of IP gets turned into a movie, one book dares to get a very strange adaptation. Harold and the Purple Crayon started out as a beloved children’s picture book from the 1950s. The movie starts out by retelling the story that many are familiar with. From there, the film morphs into a live-action sequel of sorts where Harold is now a grown adult, still drawing things with his magic crayon. For a movie about the power of imagination, it’s disappointing how little of it this film has to offer.

Harold and the Purple Crayon feels like Frankenstein’s amalgamation of many children’s movies we’ve seen before. The film begins with the characters as cartoons, and then they escape into the real world, where they become realistic versions of themselves. This idea was already done in the 2007 Disney film Enchanted and that movie accomplished it much better. Harold ( Zachary Levi ) begins to wonder where he came from and who his old man is. To find his father, he ventures into the real world with Moose ( Lil Rel Howery ) and Porcupine (Tanya Richards). Sound familiar? It should, because a childish man going into the real world to find his father is the exact premise of the 2003 comedy Elf.

This movie borrows heavily from Elf, particularly in the beginning. Scenes where Harold goes up to random elderly men and shouts after them under the belief they are his father are reminiscent of that scene in Elf where Buddy goes up to a man who looks like Santa and yells, “Santa! Santa! Not Santa.” It borrows so heavily from that movie that it even borrows Zooey Deschanel . She is once again playing a woman with exceptional musical talent trapped in a mundane job she doesn’t enjoy. She’s playing Jovie again, but this time, she’s a single mother with a young son, played by Benjamin Bottani.

Harold and the Purple Crayon tells that classic fish-out-of-water story about someone who is very different but uses their charm to change the lives of those around him. The issue is that many movies have done this story much better. This screenplay from David Guion and Michael Handelman is entirely uninspired. The most considerable creative risk this film takes is not setting it in New York City because almost every children’s movie, from Clifford the Big Red Dog to The Smurfs to Tom & Jerry, finds a way to squeeze itself into the Big Apple.

Let’s talk about the comedy. What comedy? This is one of the least funny movies I’ve seen all year. There’s one mildly amusing bit when Harold and Moose find themselves crushed by the taxing weight of being adults with jobs. Besides that, the jokes are miss after miss. Many family movies have jokes that will make children laugh, but not adults. I can’t imagine children laughing at this movie, either. It’s genuinely depressing how charmless Harold and the Purple Crayon is when it’s a movie that could be inspiring and bring a smile to anyone’s face.

Levi has a few fun moments in this movie, but it’s hard not to feel like he’s doing the same schtick he did in the Shazam! movies. He’s playing an enthusiastic child in an adult’s body, just like he did in that film. However, his performance is not good enough to sell the emotions during a few of the film’s more dramatic moments. The film’s dark night of the soul doesn’t feel tragic enough due to the direction. Howery is giving a fun performance as Moose, even if we’ve seen his “supportive best friend” character done much better in films like Get Out and Free Guy.

There’s another subplot surrounding Porcupine, which I found to be one of the most irritating storylines I’ve seen all year. There’s one moment that almost works very well. Terri (Deschanel) hasn’t played piano since the death of her husband. Harold draws her a piano so that she can play. A moment like this could be very emotionally resonant, as it could be a moment where music helps her remember her husband and process her grief. But once she starts playing, we cut away to a cartoonish subplot surrounding police officers that doesn’t go anywhere meaningful.

Director Carlos Saldanha deserves credit for helming some of my favorite childhood movies, from the first three Ice Age movies to the Rio films. This is his first venture into live-action, and unfortunately, he has yet to find his footing. The cinematography is flat and lifeless, and all the lighting is bright and even. It’s baffling that this movie shares the same cinematographer as Blade II, Black Widow, and this year’s The Beekeeper. Seeing how much of this movie is a misassembled hodgepodge of better moments from better films is disappointing.

There’s a solid emotional core that Harold and the Purple Crayon skips over. Harold is looking for his father. The child, Mel, has recently lost his father, so he could be looking for his father too. He could find a father figure in Harold, and Harold could realize what he and his crayon power could do for Mel. But no, this movie’s leading source of conflict is Gary Natwick ( Jemaine Clement ), a struggling author trying to get his fantasy novel published while facing his inappropriate thoughts about Terri.

And as the cherry on top of this disgusting sundae, this movie ends with a giant CGI battle. When you think about the original Harold and the Purple Crayon book and how innocent it is, with its beautiful story about a child with imagination, did you ever imagine that it would turn into a movie with a giant CGI battle between good and evil complete with a reference to The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly? This movie is excruciatingly unfunny and will have you rolling your eyes, particularly during the cliché scenes where Mel gets bullied. Harold’s goal to find his father vanishes for many scenes before the movie suddenly remembers to get back to it. It’s not exciting or fun, nor does it wrap anything up in an emotionally satisfying way.

If I had a purple crayon, I would have used it to draw up a screenplay better than this.

SCORE: 2/10

As ComingSoon’s review policy explains, a score of 2 equates to “Terrible.” Almost irredeemable, it is likely a waste of time for almost everyone involved.

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