It's Not You: The Real Reason Why Diets Are So Hard To Stick To

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Have you ever started a new diet, determined to lose weight, and thought, “This time it’ll be different.”

The first days are incredible — you’ve got this. You’re confident and excited — you wonder why it took so long to start. But then life happens, and before you know it, you’re knee-deep in a pint of Chunky Monkey.

The ice cream is comforting at the moment, but as soon as the spoon scrapes the bottom, an all-too-familiar sense of regret (and sometimes guilt) sets in. The next thing you know, you’re left wondering what happened and you’re asking yourself, “Why can’t I ever stick to my word?”

As a holistic health coach, I’m not big on overly strict diets. I’m more into finding what works for our body and eating in a way that best supports us — without extreme restrictions. We all have our own unique diet, and finding it makes all the difference.

But what happens when we find a diet that really works for us, yet our actions still don’t align with our goals or beliefs?

That’s where it gets tricky. What we’re experiencing is more than just a craving. Psychologists call that disconnect cognitive dissonance, the mental tug-of-war between what we want to happen and what we actually do. And it might be why sticking to a diet feels hard, even when it feels like the perfect fit.

Feeling Trapped

I found myself facing this exact tug-of-war right around the time of my divorce. I was at a pretty okay weight, following a more plant-based diet, and happy in my clothes. But then when things got really tough, Taco Bell became this strange kind of comfort food.

After stressful conversations with my ex, I’d find myself in the drive-thru ordering the very thing I knew would derail all my efforts. It was the exact opposite of everything I knew would make me feel better, yet it didn’t stop me — even though I could see the scale creeping up.

I knew it wouldn’t make me feel better in the long run, yet in those moments, the familiar comfort seemed a way to feel some sense of control (in a backward way) and temporary relief from the pain.

I couldn’t understand why I kept self-sabotaging, even as my clothes grew tighter. I wasn’t walking my talk and it made me feel like everything was falling apart, especially me. My world was already upside down, but worst of all, I felt like I couldn’t even count on myself.

It was a deep unsettling feeling I couldn’t fully explain or grasp. Like many, I was trapped in this battle, knowing what I needed to do, but feeling powerless to change.

The Struggle We Know

This contradiction between our thoughts and actions leads to inner turmoil, creating unease and self-doubt.

But it doesn’t just happen with food. It happens in other parts of our lives too, like our relationships. Maybe you value sharing your deepest thoughts, but your partner shuts down in hard conversations.

Over time, we might justify their behavior or change how we act. But that uneasy feeling remains with us. We all have our beliefs about what a relationship should look like, but when it clashes with the reality of our situation, we may feel anxious or conflicted.

To take it further, we may even shift our values or lower our standards to reduce our discomfort, convincing ourselves the situation is okay — even if deep down, we know it’s not.

Just like with dieting, where we might eat ice cream even though we want to lose weight, in relationships, we might go along with things that don’t match our core beliefs.

“The most confused we ever get is when we try to convince our heads of something our hearts know is a lie.” — Karen Moning

The Hidden Psychological Battle: Why This Happens

So why does this happen, even if we’re fully committed to our wants? Let’s dig a little deeper. Every choice we make on our diet either moves us closer to our goals or pulls us further away.

When we knowingly eat something that’s not part of our plan, like ice cream, it creates cognitive dissonance. Our brains recognize our actions don’t sync up with our vision. This leads to disappointment, self-criticism, or self-doubt.

It’s not just about the food itself; but the disconnect between our goals and actions.

And here’s where the psychological battle truly comes into play — it’s not just about willpower or self-discipline. Our brains are wired to seek immediate gratification (easy, quick rewards), especially when stressed, overwhelmed, or tired. We want to stick to our diet, but in the moment, our brains focus on what feels good now (like comfort food).

When we’re feeling stressed or down, it’s easy to reach for comfort. In fact, a recent study from the American Psychological Association in 2021 found that 42% of adults gained weight during the pandemic, largely due to stress and emotional eating.

Our emotions have a powerful influence on our eating habits, even when we have the best intentions.

This is why, despite our best intentions, we sometimes make choices that contradict our target. Lacking willpower isn’t our issue, it’s the conflict our brains face in trying to balance what we want for our future and what feels good right now. It’s a normal part of the process — not a personal failure.

Having this awareness is important because it shows the battle isn’t just physical — there’s an inner struggle too. This is why being kind to ourselves matters and why it’s worth trying a different approach when temptation happens (because it always does).

Recognizing this is the first step, but how we respond makes all the difference in whether we move forward or stay stuck.

Why You Shouldn’t Brush it Off

The next time you have that uneasy feeling deep down, resist the urge to brush it off. While ignoring our feelings might seem easier in the moment, it creates more stress and anxiety over time. Our minds get caught in the disconnect between our actions and beliefs, only making it worse.

It’s like when we keep dismissing the guilt of skipping workouts. Eventually, our guilt becomes a nagging doubt about our ability to stick with anything.

It can lead to a loss of trust in ourselves. This means we start doubting our ability to achieve our goals, weakening our confidence, and making it even harder to stay on track.

By facing these moments head-on we’re breaking the cycle and making choices that line up with our desires. This helps us move forward rather than stuck in a pattern of self-sabotage

“You can’t be confident if you don’t trust yourself.”—Dr. Benjamin Hardy

The Power of Reframing

A powerful way to manage inner turmoil is by reframing how we see things. Instead of being hard on ourselves when we slip up, try viewing it differently. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this? What’s one small change I can make next time?

This small shift makes such a difference. It turns setbacks into stepping stones. Instead of staying trapped in a cycle of guilt and discouragement, we’re moving closer to our goals.

How to Manage the Disconnect

1. Recognize the conflict: When something feels off, take a moment to acknowledge the discomfort. It’s likely an internal conflict. Our brain’s way of saying “Hey, what we’re doing here doesn’t match what we really want.” This is the first step toward change.
2. Realign Your Vision: Instead of dwelling on the slip-up, shift your focus to what to do next. Try planning for a healthier meal (and fresh start) tomorrow or go for a quick walk to clear your mind. Think of it like hitting a reset button (every step forward counts).
3. Be Gentle: Nobody’s perfect, and that’s not the goal, progress is. We all have setbacks, what matters is our response. Reframe these moments as opportunities to come back stronger than before.
4. Prepare: Life has a way of giving us challenges, so be ready. These types of situations are going to come up, so it’s important to plan for them. Keep healthier options on hand, or allow for a treat without guilt. It’s about a doable balance, not chasing perfection.

The Real Reason Sticking to a Diet is So Hard

The mind-body disconnect is something we all face on our path. That uneasy feeling when our actions don’t align is there to help us learn more about ourselves and to understand what truly matters to us.

Ultimately, the reason sticking to our diet is so hard — even when it’s the right one — comes down to our internal battle of cognitive dissonance.

But when we recognize this struggle and are gentle with ourselves, we’re able to see our setbacks as opportunities rather than failures. The guilt and frustration make sense and become tools for our growth, rather than holding us back further.

When we use strategies like reframing and self-compassion, we can finally break free from the cycle and create change.

Small Steps for Big Change

• Food Journal: Track what you eat and how you feel to spot patterns. Take it further: Note when, where, and why you eat. What are your triggers? Stress, boredom? What leads to unhealthy choices?
• Daily Goals: Focus on small, achievable steps each day.
  Take it further: Set daily intentions (like being resilient or compassionate). Pay attention to how you want to feel throughout the day, not just on achievements.
• Mindful Eating: Slow down and truly taste your food.
  Take it further: Focus on the colors, textures, and flavors to help promote feeling satisfied.
• Plan for Temptations: Have healthier snacks available and allow yourself a treat without guilt.
  Take it further: Make it appealing. Keep options at eye level in the fridge or pantry. Treat yourself to a beautifully-plated healthy snack when a craving happens. It feels indulgent.
• Reflect and Reframe: When you stumble, pause, and reflect on what led to the slip-up.
  Take it further: Use this as an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Reframe by thinking about what to do differently next time. Celebrate your acknowledgment and commitment to doing better.

Striving for perfection isn’t the answer, it’s more to keep making progress, little by little. Each time we realign our goals, we’re moving closer to the future we envision. It’s these small, compassionate steps that bring us to change.

Further Reading

Want to go deeper into understanding and overcoming some of the challenges discussed? Here are some books I think you might like:

(affiliate) Atomic Habits by James Clear: A favorite for understanding how small, consistent changes bring meaningful progress toward our goals. Perfect for building better habits and overcoming self-sabotage.

(affiliate) The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg: Learn the science behind habits and how to change them. Great for lining up goals with actions.

(affiliate) Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck
Explores growth versus fixed mindsets and how our beliefs impact success. Perfect for shifting thinking patterns.

(affiliate) The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz: Practical wisdom for merging our actions with core beliefs. Excellent if you’re seeking spiritual and emotional balance.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.” — Mary Anne Radmacher

(Just so you know, I sometimes use affiliate links for products I love. If you decide to try them, it may support my work at no extra cost to you. Thank you!)