Writer Zulfiqar Ahmad Remembers His Father-in-Law Admiral ‘Ramu’ Ramdas

A life well-lived and causes worth fighting for

Admiral ‘Ramu’ Ramdas (5 September 1933-15 March 2024)

Sitting far away, it is difficult for me to imagine that the good Admiral ‘Ramu’ Ramdas, my father-in-law, is no longer with us.

It is not just the passing of Uncle — as I called him to, I suspect, his amusement — but also the conclusion of the incredible journey that his life was, that is hard to comprehend at this moment.

I met him for the first time in April 1990 just a few days before his eldest daughter Kavita and I were to wed in Chicago. The day before the wedding, Uncle suggested that he and I go for a walk; a proposition that, of course, caused some trepidation for me.

But the talk we had was a surprise.

Instead of asking me about my future ambitions, money management skills, or drinking habits he wanted to get a sense if I would be able to rise to the challenge of dealing with not just the strong Ramdas woman I was to marry but also the whole Ramdas clan.

He was also acutely aware of the additional, though lesser, challenge of making a cross-border, cross-faith marriage work and wanted to get a sense if we could handle what lay ahead of us.

Kavita Ramdas on the barriers to love from state and society in the region, March 2023

As I got to know him better, I realized that the courage to rise to a challenge, no matter how formidable, without fear and with truth and integrity was one of his most fundamental qualities – and he wanted to get a sense if his future son-in-law had some of this quality.

And challenges he had in ample quantity. From his boyhood in Delhi, where, as a 13-year-old, he witnessed a mob lynching in 1947; to fighting in two wars; to having a daughter marry a Pakistani Muslim while he was still in line to be the next chief of the Indian navy; to fighting for a saner, safer and more humane world … the list can go on.

But perhaps the greatest challenge he took on that made dealing with others easier, was with his own self.

From growing up in a profoundly patriarchal society, he arrived at a point where he would happily and proudly call himself a feminist; from being a military man since he was a teenager to becoming a vocal, fearless advocate for peace in the region, and for global abolition of nuclear weapons; and more recently, as a founder member of the Southasia Peace Action Network launched in March 2021, calling for dialogue and collaboration amongst all countries of the region.

Peace activist Lalita Ramdas and former Indian Navy chief Admiral L. Ramdas sharing the Sapan Founding Charter, January 2022, endorsed by over 90 organizations and hundreds of individuals.

In November 2023, he joined dozens of organizations and individuals at a non-performative, multifaith, worldwide #be4peace Virtual Global Vigil “to envision/pray for an end to the violence at home and elsewhere, for a ceasefire in Gaza and in Ukraine, and for hostages and child prisoners to be freed.”

This journey was one he could not have taken without Lolly Auntie, Lalita Ramdas, his most loving, intense, and always irrepressible life partner.

They pushed each other to think and feel in different, sometimes uncomfortable, and new ways. Once, around the late 1990s, sitting on the balcony of a Malabar Hill apartment in Bombay, I was a silent participant in an intense debate between Uncle and Auntie about caste in India.

The intensity with which the two of them challenged each other on how caste was woven into the fabric of Indian society, and the ways it must be challenged could not have been possible without the deep love and respect they had for each other. And at the end of it all I could say was, wow!

I will end with a final thought: Maybe the reason it seems incomprehensible that Uncle’s journey has concluded is because it has not.

His journey is the journey of India.

The Admiral never gave up on the idea of India – a country he loved dearly. He held close a vision of India as an inclusive, religiously syncretic, relatively equal, just and humane country that can show the world how a large number of different cultures and traditional can live creatively and harmoniously.

And as long as we have people fighting for this vision, Admiral ‘Ramu’ Ramdas’ journey continues.

Postscript, 4 September 2024

When our daughter Mira was to get married in June 2023 in California, he knew he would not be able to make that trip. So Uncle and Auntie hosted a blessing party for her and her fiance, January 2023 at their home, LARA – Ramu Farm, Bhaimala Gaon, Alibag. This was a home that he and Lolly Auntie had literally built with their own hands with the help of friends.

I could not join them because of visa issues. With a dual American-Pakistani nationality, I would have to produce a certificate of renunciation of citizenship to one or other country for India to give me a visa, as it does not accept dual citizenship.

Uncle had told Kavita: “Before I die, I want to meet Zuli. Tell him to come to Dubai, because I do not want him to ever agree to the terms of the Indian visa requirements.”

So the last time we met was in April 2023, on neutral ground, in Dubai, April 2023. That was his last international trip. My brother-in-law, Madhusudan brought the two octogenarians, Uncle and Auntie to meet me. Their daughters were not able to join. I came from Pakistan, where I had been visiting my family, and they came from Mumbai.

He was that good.

Remembering the late Admiral ‘Ramu’ Ramdas on his 91st birthday – someone who never gave up on the idea of India, a country he loved dearly and upheld a vision of as an inclusive, syncretic, and humane nation where diverse cultures can live harmoniously. He was a key figure in the Pakistan-India peace and anti-nuclear movements, and more recently, in the Southasia Peace Action Network launched in March 2021, calling for dialog and collaboration amongst all countries of the region.

This article first appeared in Sapan News Network .

The post Writer Zulfiqar Ahmad Remembers His Father-in-Law Admiral ‘Ramu’ Ramdas appeared first on India Currents .