Managing Depression: Removing Sigma & Getting Help
- Many of us are facing health challenges or difficult life transitions privately, while some go through it more publicly, which is an understatement for people like Ben Affleck, 52, who is navigating a high-profile divorce from ex Jennifer Lopez, 55, which is constantly covered in the media.
- But at the end of the day, many suffer the same: feeling alone no matter how many are around you. And no matter how deep your pain, anxiety or discomfort, just know that it can — and often will, get better.
- For those who are more sensitive, however, it can be a slippery slope into dangerous past habits like drinking, smoking and drug use, so it’s always best to stay on top of your mental and physical health by establishing or continuing healthy habits, and always reaching out for support.
- No matter what you’re going through — a divorce, cancer, experiencing the death of a loved one — it’s normal to feel sad about changes in your life. “Grief comes in waves,” Dr. Scott Irwin, a psychiatrist and Director of Supportive Care Services at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, previously told SurvivorNet. By instilling positive psychology and some healthy habits — in between chats with a mental health professional — you can start reclaiming your life again.
Feeling deeply depressed through a major life change such as a cancer diagnosis or divorce is an all too common occurrence. You can get practical help and know that you are very much not alone in feeling like this. Many of us are facing health challenges or difficult life transitions privately, while some go through it more publicly, which is an understatement for people like Ben Affleck, 52, who is navigating a high-profile divorce from ex Jennifer Lopez, 55, which is constantly covered in the media. The actor, who has been open about depression and his history of addiction, is going through something that most people, amid all of the media hoopla and scrutiny, the memes on social media, you name it, will never go through in their lifetime.
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Check out SurvivorNet's Mental Health Guide for Resources You Can Implement Now But at the end of the day, many suffer the same: feeling alone no matter how many are around you. And no matter how deep your pain, anxiety or discomfort, just know that it can — and often will, get better. For those who are more sensitive, however, it can be a slippery slope into dangerous past habits like drinking, smoking and drug use, so it's always best to stay on top of your mental and physical health by establishing or continuing healthy habits, and always reaching out for support. No matter what you're going through — a divorce, cancer, experiencing the death of a loved one — it's normal to feel sad about changes in your life. "Grief comes in waves," Dr. Scott Irwin, a psychiatrist and Director of Supportive Care Services at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, previously told SurvivorNet.
Grief during life and health challenges “They’re grieving the change in their life, the future they had imagined is now different.” Some days can be tougher than others, but Dr. Irwin says talk therapy is helpful so again, it’s important to reach out to your doctor, to a therapist or to support groups in your community.
Managing Your Mental Health
The term mental health refers to both our emotional and psychological well-being. Our mental health can affect how we think, feel, and behave. Certain triggers like stress, traumatic events, or change in your physical health can affect mental health. It’s really important to keep tabs on your mental health and, if necessary, seek treatment. This doesn’t necessarily mean traditional therapy because while it may be really helpful (even life-changing) for some, that doesn’t mean it’s for everyone.
Dr. Samantha Boardman, a New York-based psychologist, explains how to be 'realistically optimistic' when learning to cope Problems with mood and overall mental well-being can be attributed to several factors. For some people it’s genetic, while others may be experiencing a response to some sort of stressor or past trauma.
Dr. Asher Aladjem , a physician psychiatrist at NYU Langone’s Perlmutter Cancer Center, recommends that people going through cancer (which can be applied to anyone facing challenge) to address all of their symptoms one by one with a mental health professional. This can go a long way in making treatment a more tolerable, and less overwhelming, experience on your journey. In order to keep your mental health in check, it’s important to be aware of signs which can be subtle that there is something affecting your mind. These signs include:
- A change in eating or sleeping habits
- Losing interest in people or usual activities
- Experiencing little or no energy
- Numb and/or hopeless feelings
- Turning to drinking or drugs more than usual
- Non-typical angry, upset, or on-edge feelings
- Yelling/fighting with loved ones
- Experiencing mood swings
- Intrusive thoughts
- Trouble getting through daily tasks
These symptoms can be wide-ranging and vary a great deal from person to person. Everyone experiences grief differently, for example. However, if you are feeling unusually sad, on-edge, or like you’re no longer interested in activities you used to love, know that there are many treatment options available and many different healthy ways to help you cope.
Positive Psychology
Positive psychology is a different way of looking at mental health and the needs of people seeking mental health treatment. However, instead of focusing on diagnosing illnesses or the traditional treatment path, this approach to psychology focuses on encouraging feelings of positivity among patients and finding what brings a sense of vitality to their lives. Part of the approach, according to
Dr. Samantha Boardman , a New York-based psychiatrist and author, is finding “the three wellsprings of vitality.” But what exactly are these pillars? Dr. Boardman explains them as “pathways to embrace your everyday resilience.” In other words, these are tools people who may be struggling with mental health issues can embrace to help maintain a certain sense of positivity. And those positive feelings can really go a long way when people are facing a health challenge like a cancer diagnosis. According to Dr. Boardman, these three wellsprings of vitality are connecting, contribution and feeling challenged:
- Connecting. This involves how you’re connecting with others and having meaningful interactions. It involves being a good listener and being engaged with the people around you who you care about.
- Contribution. How are you adding value to the people around you? Are you helping them in ways that feel meaningful to them? Basically, this entails contributing/engaging with others in a meaningful way.
- Feeling challenged. Being “positively challenged” could involve learning something new (perhaps by taking a new class or reading an interesting book) and expanding your mind in some way.
“Those are the cores of vitality, and the core pathways to enhance your everyday resilience,” Dr. Boardman said.
Breathing Exercises & Meditation
If you are feeling overwhelmed and need to give your body a bit of a reset, you can do so in the comfort of your own home with a simple
breathing exercise (or while at your office or taking a quick break in the restroom or another private area where you can have a few minutes to yourself). “So when people are feeling anxious, nervous, a little emotionally overwhelmed, there’s a few strategies that take less than a minute that you can do,” Dr. Kysa Christie, a clinical psychiatrist who works with veterans at the West Los Angeles VA Healthcare Center, told SurvivorNet. “One of my favorites is belly breathing, so kind of putting one hand on your belly, one hand on your chest, let your shoulders relax, and if you’re standing, kind of really notice where your feet are touching the ground. If you’re sitting, notice where your butt and legs are connected with the chair, sink in for a second," Dr. Christie continued. “The belly breathing is designed to, as you breathe in, your hand should lift up a little bit like a balloon, and as you breathe out, your hand goes down. As that balloon deflates, what that’s doing is giving your body a chance to reset."
“So when we’re nervous, when we’re scared, we tend to breathe from our chest, and those breaths tend to be more shallow,” she continues. “So if you’ve got one hand on your chest, one hand on your belly, you can notice where is this breath coming from and try and breathe from your belly.” “Let that lower hand rise and then let it fall. If you notice it’s coming from your chest, these more shallow breaths. Just again, try and focus your attention, bringing your attention to your belly, where your hand is, and breathing in, and then breathing out.” So essentially, performing this belly breathing exercise can help curb those thoughts, bringing an awareness to your breath and also the visual element of the balloon can be helpful, aligning your body and mind. If the anxiety you’re feeling is at a level where this is not helpful for you, you can try another exercise. RELATED: “Sometimes if your thoughts are racing so much, it can also be helpful to do some grounding exercises, and that’s a way of getting your mind kind of focused on the present rather than wherever it’s racing off to,” Dr. Christie shared. “So you might think, okay, let me come up with 20 sports teams and I’m just going to sit here and rattle ’em off. Give yourself a minute or two to do that. Then let me come up with 20 different things I see in this room.” “Again, it’s a way of getting your mind here where you are in the room, rather than the worries that are starting to carry those thoughts away."
Meditation
You can also try practicing a guided meditation until you can access the tools yourself from within your body and mind. In this video,
Dr. Brian Berman , director of the Center for Integrative Medicine at University of Maryland, will take you through a virtual guided meditation. Ideally, Dr. Berman recommends using this relaxation technique once or twice a day or for 10 to 15 minutes a day in order to really begin experiencing the benefits that come from meditation.
A Guided Meditation for the SurvivorNet Community According to the American Society of Clinical Oncology, there is data showing that meditation creates “reductions in psychological distress" in patients with cancer, "improves mood and general well-being" across multiple diagnoses, as well as "enhances psychological functioning and mindfulness in partners of cancer patients.”
Tip to Avoid Turning to Alcohol & Drugs to Cope
If you happen to struggle with alcohol and/or drugs in times of stress — especially if you're sober/clean and have a risk of falling off the wagon — Victoria Martin’s story may inspire you. Martin is a breast cancer survivor and wellness coach who used her own experience to help others with alcohol addiction. Speaking to SurvivorNet in an earlier interview, Martin shared some helpful tips and actionable steps people can use to help break unhealthy habits and cope with stress without alcohol.
- Mindset: Instead of looking at it like this is something you have to give up, try making a tiny shift in your language and thinking that still feels true. Have an open mind and think about what you will gain and learn, rather than approaching from deprivation.
- Be Curious: What would it feel like to experience some new thoughts and feelings to replace the worn-out ones? It is empowering to realize that you can change your patterns and see what is on the other side.
- Understand This is Not the Garden of Eden: Thinking of anything as a “forbidden fruit” creates even greater cravings, feelings of resentment, and deprivation. You are simply getting curious and creating changes that you get to make. Also, emotional attachments to our habits are very real, so it is perfectly healthy to acknowledge and honor these feelings.
- Create a Toolbox: Habits that no longer serve us, did serve a purpose at some point, and that is part of why we use them past their expiration date. You may be surprised at how uncomfortable some moments can be, but you can learn tools and tactics that will make it easier than staying stuck.
- Find Your People: You are not alone. Luckily, there is strength in numbers and a community where you can connect with people who understand what it is like. Sharing your experience won’t just help you feel less alone, but you will be helping others.
- Drop the “Shoulds”: One of the quickest ways to be defeated is by “shoulding ourselves.” Expecting to be perfect and tearing ourselves down will only lead to our maladaptive habits gaining more of a foothold. Practice speaking to yourself the way you would speak to a friend and see how kindness gets you moving in the right direction.
Eating Healthy & Getting Rest
To cut down on inflammation in the body caused by stress hormones or other factors, try incorporating a balanced, healthy diet and limit those inflammatory foods. Chances are, that alone will help you feel stronger mentally and physically (and getting a full night's sleep is also a big one!). Chronic inflammation is linked to several diseases. It can lead to cancer. It also causes heart disease, diabetes, arthritis and Alzheimer’s, according to
Krista Maruschak , a registered dietician at the Cleveland Clinic.
Cutting 'Pro-Inflammatory' Foods From Your Diet Can Reduce Cancer Risk, Give You Energy and Help with Mental Clarity The encouraging news here is that you can reduce inflammation by reducing your intake of foods that cause inflammation. These so-called "pro-inflammatory" foods include white breads, pastas, pastries, sodas, red meats and processed meats. You’ve heard it before, but the science is there.
- Eat more "anti-inflammatory" foods instead, Maruschak recommends.
- Incorporate as many fruits and vegetables as you can throughout the day.
- Replace refined carbohydrates with whole grains like whole wheat bread and brown rice.
- Replace high-fat red meats with lean meats like chicken, turkey and fish.
- Incorporate more plant-based proteins, like beans and lentils,
- Add spices to your diet that have various anti-inflammatory properties, like cinnamon and turmeric.
Focus on small improvements or one large improvement at a time, don't overwhelm yourself by trying to change your entire being overnight. Reach out to a mental health professional — or even a life coach or dietician if you are just in need of a little fine tune — to help come up with a game plan to help overhaul your health.
Questions to Ask Your Doctor
- How can I go about improving my outlook/mental health?
- Are there any activities I can do to encourage positive feelings?
- When should I seek other interventions if I’m still struggling?
- How can seeking these connections help me in my day-to-day life?
Contributing by SurvivorNet staff. 
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