I’m dating multiple partners — but it’s still no excuse to cheat: ‘Not a free for all’

A woman often has multiple partners at once but insists non-monogamy isn’t an excuse to cheat.

Kenna Bethany, 26, says the idea of being with just one person for the rest of her life “doesn’t appeal” to her and some people “aren’t built for being monogamous”.

Instead she believes in having multiple partners and has dated multiple people at once throughout her adult life by being upfront and honest with them from the get go.

Kenna claims a common misconception is that non-monogamy is primarily a sexual thing — but insists it’s “not a free for all”.

She is currently single and says friends respect her lifestyle but she hasn’t explained it to family yet.

Kenna, an actress, from London, said: “Different approaches work for different people.

“We are not all the same and I think people should talk about non-monogamy more.”

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Kenna said she felt “weird” about monogamy with her first boyfriend while she was at secondary school.

“We were monogamously together for a short time and I quickly felt claustrophobic — though I didn’t know why,” she said.

Kenna first realised she was non-monogamous aged just 14.

By year 11 at secondary school, she was seeing two boys simultaneously, both of whom were – much to her surprise — open to the arrangement.

“It was pretty progressive for some 16-year-old boys,” Kenna said.

Kenna didn’t enter another serious relationship until she was 20.

It was was long-distance — with her in London and him in Lancaster — and she used that time to explore non-monogamy further.

Kenna said: “I had just realized I was also attracted to women and I didn’t want to be in a long-distance monogamous relationship with a man.”

Since then, non-monogamy has become her norm and she describes her preference as being in a “hierarchical polyamory structure” — where she usually has a primary partner with their relationship taking precedence but dates other people too.

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Otherwise, all her connections are on equal footing.

“If I saw someone in club who I liked and wanted to hook up with, I wouldn’t place that above my current relationship – but if I wanted to explore then I could,” she said.

Kenna claims the key to non-monogamy is setting clear parameters including safe sex practices, full communication, and “making sure no one is left in the dark”.

Kenna said: “The last person I was seeing was the first person I dated who was used to non-monogamy, but even then, there’s always stuff to iron out.”

Kenna believes relationships are fluid and there’s always room for jealousy, but says it’s something that can be managed through communication rather than closing off the relationship entirely.

Kenna says society still doesn’t have the right language to describe the full spectrum of relationship dynamics that people may enjoy.

She thinks lots of people aren’t cut out for conventional relationship dynamics but persist with them because of societal norms.

“So many relationships dissolve because of cheating and things like that – it makes you wonder whether more people should be exploring non-monogamy,” she said.

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“I think it should be a conversation everyone is having.”

For Kenna the key to making non-monogamy work is being open, communicative, and respectful of the boundaries set with each partner.

“People think I just want to cheat, but I’ve never cheated — I stick within the parameters,” she said.

“A common misconception about non-monogamy is that it’s a ‘free for all’ – that it’s just a thing in sex dungeons in Berlin but it’s not just couple’s going to squat raves.

“I would like to meet more of the community that’s just like me.”

Kenna says, in her experience, non-monogamy tends to attract a lot of neurodivergent people.

“By our nature, we don’t dance to society’s drum in the same way,” she said.

Although her friends are fully aware and accepting of her lifestyle, Kenna is yet to discuss being non-monogamous with her family.

“I only introduce my family to my main partner,” she said.

She says she doesn’t see herself going back to monogamy anytime soon.

“I’m a solo entity in what I do at the moment – the desire to naturally end up in a nuclear family and ask no questions is not appealing.”

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