People Are Sharing Their Stories Of "Financial Infidelity" And Opening Up About How Their Partners Misused Money

I recently asked the BuzzFeed Community (and scoured Reddit) for their horror stories about money ending their romantic relationships .

There were some absolutely WILD stories, and it inspired another wave of Community members to share their own. These are also complete thrill rides, so read on.

Note: This article contains mention of domestic violence, sexual assault, and verbal, physical, emotional, and financial abuse.

1. "My ex-fiancée had a bankruptcy he never told me about. I worked at a car dealership at that time, and we were looking into buying a brand-new vehicle. He never even told me then. I asked him at the time if his credit was OK and he said it was OK. I found out later on from the finance manager at my dealership that he had a bankruptcy on his file. When I finally confronted him and asked him how he thought I would not find out about this, he said that he thought my credit was good enough to carry us and he wouldn’t have to worry about it. With me alone on the loan, it was approved five times over. As soon as he was added to the loan, they wouldn’t even look at the file."

2. "The love of my life left me for a 'checkbook.' I gave up a great job and a promotion to move four hours away with him because he had two girls, and he missed them terribly. We were doing great in a two-bedroom apartment, paying rent and just barely getting by, but we were happy. His ex-girlfriend came along and threw money at him. Bought him a new vehicle and a boat, and eventually a house. I had some in savings but couldn’t compete with that."

—Anonymous

3. "When we were dating, I disclosed how financially responsible I was by contributing to my retirement early and often, and he disclosed he, too, had a retirement account with a decent amount. I later found out that was a lie. He claimed it was because he was embarrassed he was so much farther behind than I was, so I accepted that and would say, "If YOU cover my health insurance, I’ll take care of retirement and all housing, cars, and utilities." He refused a prenup, even though I explained this was to cover both of us and make sure he keeps what he makes, and I keep what I’ve made (we married later in life, so we already had independent finances). He was able to save and save because he really didn’t have any expenses (I had homes, cars, etc.)…investing in high-risk stocks (triple leveraged) and lost over $80K. It got so lopsided that it eventually eroded my respect because he kept saying he was going to contribute more but never did..."

"...Then, we were planning to move to a new location to be near his family, where we were finally going to be equitable in our lives, planning to contribute to the new home equally. So, we set up a joint account, and he OFFERED to put in $1K per month that would give me a little more help for big bills that may arise (homeowners insurance, property taxes). I was elated he was finally showing me he was going to contribute to the 'us.' It was also intended to be a way to save for the down payment as a team. Well, over the first five months, he literally drained the account and spent $13K+ over what he had even contributed."

"I often kept a $10K buffer as an emergency fund in case an AC blew or some other emergency at one of the houses… so this devastated me. It illuminated how irresponsible but disrespectful he was to me. I tried to get over it because he kept saying this is what happens in a marriage — one may float the other at different times — but I was still uneasy because he overdrew the account at one point, which I would never do. I think this was when I really began to believe he was motivated by my money.

Then, I find out he’s got the IRS after him for non-payment of taxes for years prior to our marriage, he had stopped contributing to the joint account (because I was upset by the drastic inequity) yet continued to take over $4K more out, and then stopped paying for my health insurance (which was the ONLY thing he was responsible for). My CFP was the first to use the term 'financial infidelity' when I learned about the tax problems and the draining far beyond his contributions, so I began taking back control, and I believe this was when my husband started pulling away. He would say I was too focused on finances, but a big part of me felt like I was being taken for granted and taken advantage of, and it eventually led to us breaking up. The saddest part for me was I have a major sensitivity about financial exploitation; my mom (who was an oncologist) was swindled by her best friend, who financially destroyed her — she lost her business and home and died on Medicaid. Yet, it was also my greatest fear to be exploited financially, like my mom, who was such a good person. I felt more betrayed by this (and lots of other lies) than if he had cheated…"

—Kerrie, 53

4. "He dodged $100K in taxes. He has been working under the table pulling in $80K a year. He is a tax fraud. His brother is very, very wealthy and pays for his health insurance... he got fake teeth for $40K and never paid his brother back. He'll never have Social Security or Medicare, and he's already 59. Forget it, I'm out."

—Anonymous

5. "I married young. We were both working basic hourly jobs. As time went by, I moved up the ladder, and he didn't. All he was interested in was drinking and hanging out with his friends. I was paying for everything, and he was blowing money on things we didn't need and couldn't afford. He came home with a full-size grand piano and played it once. He bought a fancy car that cost a ton of money to upkeep. When I got a phone call from a finance company telling me my husband was at a boat dealership buying a boat (we lived nowhere near any water) and needed me to sign the papers too because he didn't have enough credit on his own, that did it."

6. "I majored in early childhood education and worked two jobs, plus I did babysitting on the side. He lied about working, did not contribute to household bills, and never once expressed his appreciation for me working my ass off to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table, and a car in the driveway. We didn't live together, yet we had been talking about it, and I'm glad it didn't happen — at 46, he has the financial responsibility of a child. Add to that, he's spoiled, which I brought on myself by not saying no to him. We were slowly ending things with a lack of communication, and he said he wanted money for an outfit. I said no, and he stopped speaking to me for two weeks, telling me to leave him alone."

"I called his bluff, and he asked me for money for shoes. I had the money, but I was done. I realized then he was a bum and, sadly, would never be who I needed and could never treat me the way I deserved to be treated. I never returned his call again, which angered him for one reason. In addition to losing the best he ever had, he lost his meal ticket, too.

I’m so happy I didn’t move in with him. I sacrificed so much for him — time, finances, and mental health; and while I believed he genuinely cared, deep down, I knew that moving in with him would be a mistake that would’ve cost me everything I know and love. He was mentally and physically abusive, capable of anything: theft, property damage, fraud, and endangering the life of my cat. He was using me, and I was too blind to see it. This realization caused me to walk away and end our relationship."

—Anonymous

7. "My mom was a stay-at-home mom for years before we moved. My dad found out she had a credit card in her name and confronted her. She told him it was in case something happened to him or he ran off with another woman. Not long after the move, he left her for another woman."

—Anonymous

8. "I've been with my boyfriend for over seven years. We were best friends before we got together. We both had good jobs and good heads on our shoulders and were working toward our goals. After two years of us being together, he quit his job, and I went ahead and bought a house at 20 (in my name only). It's now been five years since then and he still has no job. I pay for everything, and he can't even have the decency to clean the house while I'm at work. All he does is play video games 24/7. I'm so tired."

9. "I have epilepsy and went through a time where I was having a lot of seizures, which affected my memory. He would take money out of my purse, and when I noticed, he would lie and tell me I had spent it. Even though I knew on some level that it wasn't true and I hadn't spent it, I would feel completely lost and doubted myself and everything in my life. He lied about everything. I paid for everything. He lived with me on my dime and spent my money on anything and everything he wanted and told me he was the only person who loved me and nobody else cared about me. Basically, I was lucky that I had him because nobody else would put up with someone who had seizures. I eventually started taking a different medication, which stopped the seizures, and I was finally able to see clearly how blatantly he was using me. I was in that relationship for seven long years."

—Anonymous

10. "Finances got in the way when we had a restaurant. I worked a regular job so my salary could pay the household bills, and my husband could pay the many restaurant expenses with the proceeds from the restaurant. I gave him money to pay for our home and auto insurance, but he used it for the restaurant instead, causing us to have a lapse in our insurance while we were on a road trip. Luckily, nothing happened, but it caused a big argument because I felt I had worked hard to cover my end of the bills. Margaritas were also involved, so my mouth was uncontrollable and my words cut like a knife."

11. "After 59 years, I divorced him. He was irresponsible and abusive in every way, including financially. He moved all his retirement income to accounts without my name and removed me as a beneficiary on everything. He had no life insurance. He never helped with household chores. He borrowed money he never repaid. He pissed away nearly $300K in marital funds. I’m left destitute as I got nothing for all the years I did everything while he lived the high life and meandered to work when he felt like it. He was physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive. He cheated on me and raped me. Diverting marital funds was the last straw. His white trash hill billy misogynistic loser ass is happy now that he has everything and I have nothing."

—Marcia, 82, KS

Do you have a story to share about money ruining your relationship? Drop it in the comments below, or fill out this anonymous Google form .

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.