Satire: Do You Have a Dog or a Fur Baby?

Use this checklist to find out.

Photo byCartoon by Lambert-King

When I was growing, my father had dogs. Hunting dogs to be exact. My dad’s philosophy about dogs was they had to earn their keep. I guess they had to help keep food on the table. In addition, they stayed outside. There was also a casual view of dogs running around loose.

We never had a mean dog, so it wasn’t like there was a liability issue. There was, however, the possibility of the dogs getting hit by cars. That happened twice,atwe lost two dogs that way. I took it much harder than other family members. I’m sure that impacts the way I feel about dogs today. And I will say, in my old age, I have gotten soft when it comes to dealing with my dogs.

I suspect a lot of people are that way. So, do you have a dog or fur baby? Consider these questions.

1: Does your pet tell you when it’s time to go to bed?

Mine does. Around 10 pm Ollie lets me know it’s time to go bed. If your pet puts you on a curfew, you probably have a fur baby.

2: Does your pet have health insurance?

Once again, that’s most likely a sign of a fur baby. That’s especially true if your pet has health insurance and you don’t.

3: Does your pet have an expansive wardrobe?

If your wardrobe is dwarfed by that of your pet, you have a fur baby. And possibly a need for counseling.

4: If, in the event you send your pet to obedience school, does it have a dress code?

And especially, if you think that keeps out the riff raff, you have a fur baby.

5: Do you think having your pet stalk small animals for food helps them build self-reliance?

If so, you have a dog. A dog that animal welfare might need to check on.

6: Does your pet hog the bed?

Th fact that your pet is sleeping with you, or your pet is letting you sleep with them, is telling in itself. If a five-pound pet is dominating your sleeping area, you have a fur baby.

7: Do you consult with your pet about major life decisions?

While pets can be good listeners, they aren’t very good about things like planning for the future. Do you ever see a pet planning for retirement?

Actually, that may be a bad example. I didn’t really plan for retirement either.

8: Your pet has a trust fund.

In addition, you’ve also made arrangements for someone to care for them in the event something happens to you.If this is your pet, they are a fur baby. The kids can fend for themselves.

9: Are you afraid neutering your pet will hurt their social life?

If so you’re overthinking things, and you have a fur baby. If you don’t control your pet's reproduction, they’ll influence your social life as you will be inundated with pets. This is an area where your pet won’t take personal responsibility.

10: Are you insulted when someone mistakes your male for a female, or visa versa?

Once again, if so, you have a fur baby. After all, if someone checked under the hood for your pet’s gender, that would qualify as strange behavior.