In public settings, many of us can feel a sense of freedom. Even though there may be people all around you, you're largely able to remain as anonymous as you'd like. With that anonymity comes the opportunity to blend into the background, so to speak, and observe what's going on around you. However, that can lead to a certain habit that an etiquette expert is begging people to stop.
We spoke with Jo Hayes , a world-leading etiquette expert and founder of EtiquetteExpert.Org , to learn why this surprisingly common habit is actually a not-so-great one. Here’s what she has to say.
Related: ‘I’ve Been an Etiquette Expert for Over 20 Years—Here’s the #1 ‘Eye Contact Rule’ To Follow in a Conversation’
Is It Morally Wrong To Eavesdrop?
According to Hayes, the answer is a hard yes.
Eavesdropping, a practice as old as human communication itself (and one that you might’ve learned growing up when you sat at the top of the stairs to listen in on your parents ’ conversations!), has taken on new dimensions in our modern, hyper-connected world. It turns out eavesdropping, while ancient in roots, is a very modern problem, and etiquette experts are begging us to stop.
"Verbal conversations are private communication exchanges between the people concerned," Hayes explains. While people generally don’t talk about confidential topics in public spaces, conversations held in a private setting are shared with the expectation of privacy and safety. If accidentally overheard, we shouldn’t violate that privacy.
Hayes makes it even more clear with a stark comparison. "Eavesdropping is not far, on the moral spectrum, from bugging a room with a recording device,” she shares. That is a sobering perspective for many of us who find eavesdropping to not be that great of an offense–we should think twice before listening in on something that’s not our business.
Related: 'I've Been an Etiquette Expert for 13 Years—Here's the #1 Phrase to End Small Talk Without Making It Awkward’
The Psychological Impact of Eavesdropping
Eavesdropping isn't just a breach of etiquette; it can have real psychological consequences. Hayes stresses the guilt associated with the act of listening in when you know you shouldn’t.
"Anything that one must hide or cover up is something that one knows is wrong," she says.
This guilt can be a serious burden on your mental and emotional well-being. Even worse, if the conversation is about you, it can have serious effects on your mental health, especially if the information is negative. The moral of the story? Just don’t.
Cultural Attitudes Towards Eavesdropping
Interestingly, Hayes shares that there aren't significant cultural differences in attitudes towards eavesdropping.
"While cultures differ widely on a range of issues, the deepest moral/ethical values of humanity are the same," she explains.
The Golden Rule–do unto others as you would have them do unto you–applies universally, regardless of race, age, gender or culture.
Related: 'I've Been Studying Communication for 20 Years—Here Are My 7 Favorite Phrases to Keep a Conversation Going'
The Legal Implications of Eavesdropping
Hayes also shares that eavesdropping can indeed become a legal issue.
Many states in the U.S. have laws against eavesdropping when a person listens in on a private conversation without consent from the parties involved. The method of eavesdropping–whether it's standing outside a room, hiding in a room or using a recording device–can determine the legal implications. Again, you can avoid all of this by just not eavesdropping.
Curiosity vs. Invasion of Privacy: Where's the Line?
While there's a fine line between curiosity and invasion of privacy, Hayes advises caution even in public spaces where conversations might be easily overheard.
"As an etiquette expert, I would caution people against even curiosity-type listening to other's conversations," she shares. "There is much wisdom in minding one's own business. It leads to greater inner peace."
Related: The #1 Unexpected Reason Why Millennials Hate Talking on the Phone, According to Psychologists
The Etiquette of Responding to Overheard Information
If you do find yourself unintentionally overhearing to a private conversation, Hayes recommends making your presence known. This could involve clearing your throat or making yourself visible. If that's not possible, leaving as soon as possible is the ethical thing to do.
More Etiquette Tips:
Social Media and Overheard Conversations
With many people sharing literally everything about their lives on social media, the temptation to post an overheard conversations can be strong. However, Hayes strongly advises against this practice, especially for private or confidential conversations.
Even for less sensitive information overheard in public spaces, Hayes recommends being very cautious and making sure all details of the other party are anonymous.
Up Next:
Related: 9 Phrases To Replace Asking 'How Are You?' When Greeting Someone, According to Psychologists
Local News
Comments / 0