A little peace, quiet and solo time—even away from your favorite people—is important for decompressing and tuning into your needs. However, you might be thrown for a loop if you find yourself with unintended quiet time because someone intentionally ignores you, AKA giving you the silent treatment.
The silent treatment can include being sent straight to voicemail, ghosted for planned activities or ignored in person. Knowing how to respond to someone intentionally not responding to you is tricky but an important skill.
"The silent treatment often indicates emotional withdrawal and can disrupt communication, possibly leading to misunderstandings," says Dr. Joel Frank, Psy . D . , a licensed psychologist with Duality Psychological Services. "By approaching the situation with empathy and patience, a person can bridge the communication gap and create a safe space for dialogue."
Experts shared tips for responding to the silent treatment to turn the dialogue back into a two-way street.
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Reasons You Might Be Getting the Silent Treatment
You might know exactly what you did to get the silent treatment, yet sometimes, it's a confusing experience. Understanding the potential reasons can help you decide how to respond.
Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D ., a neuropsychologist and the director of Comprehend the Mind, shares these reasons might include the other person's:
- Desire to avoid conflict
- Emotional overwhelm
- Attempt to manipulate, punish and exert power and control over another person
- Attention-seeking attempt
- Hurt feelings
- Lack of communication skills
- Need to think and process something before proceeding
How To Respond to the Silent Treatment, According to Psychologists
Experts share the 10 best ways to react to the silent treatment.
1. Keep calm and stay patient
Keeping calm is more than a T-shirt slogan, and patience is a virtue that can serve you well if you are the recipient of the silent treatment.
"Reacting emotionally can escalate the situation," says Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D. , a licensed psychologist. "Staying calm shows that you are regulated and not easily manipulated and/or are a safe person to speak with."
2. Get them space
This one can be challenging. It's tempting to rush to the happy ending, but giving a person space respects their emotional autonomy.
"Some people need time to cool down and process their feelings to be ready to talk," Dr. Hafeez says.
3. Open the door for communication
Dr. Hafeez says this approach is best used gently and with No. 2.
"Asking for dialogue without pressure can make the other person feel safe sharing when ready," she explains. "If someone finds confrontation challenging or insecure, let them know you’re there when they’re ready to talk."
4. Acknowledge the silence
While it may be uncomfortable, Dr. McGeehan says acknowledging the situation might prompt discussions about the issues leading to the silent treatment.
"Use [this strategy] when the person giving the silent treatment might not be fully aware of the impact of their behavior or if they are generally communicative but going through a rough patch," she suggests.
5. Acknowledge their feelings
Sometimes, you have to name it if you want to start to tame it.
"When you acknowledge their feelings, it helps them realize that they might be hurt, frustrated or angry, and can make it easier for them to communicate," Dr. Hafeez says, explaining that this response can be useful when speaking with someone who shuts down when they feel like another person misunderstood or discounted their feelings.
6. Ask for clarification gently
Dr. Hafeez says soft approaches show you care about another person's POV sans pressure. For example, you might ask, "Is there anything bothering you we should discuss?"
"This type of soothing question is good when the silence seems rooted in confusion or hurt," she explains. "It opens the door to clarification without forcing a response."
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7. Set boundaries
You may not be entirely at fault—or at all—for the silent treatment. Also, dealing with it constantly can be exhausting.
"If the silent treatment becomes a pattern, it's important to clearly communicate your needs and limits ," Dr. Frank says. "This can be vital for maintaining your own emotional well-being, especially in cases where silence is used manipulatively."
8. Reflect on your own actions
Sometimes, you are at least partially to blame for getting the verbal shaft. Remember, no one is perfect, and Dr. Frank says that a bit of self-awareness can go a long way in repairing relationships.
9. Reflect on the relationship dynamics
A pause in communication can free up time to evaluate your relationship with the person giving you the silent treatment (especially if the behavior is a pattern).
"Self-reflection can help you understand if there are underlying issues that need to be addressed within the relationship," Dr. McGeehan says.
10. Seek professional help
An objective third-party perspective can be useful in some cases.
"Sometimes, the dynamics involved are too complex to handle alone, and a therapist can offer guidance and mediation," Dr. McGeehan says. "This is useful when the silent treatment is symptomatic of deeper emotional or psychological issues, particularly in marital or long-term relationships."
More Psychologist Insight:
The Worst Thing To Do if You're Getting the Silent Treatment
Saying, "Right back atcha" (without actually saying anything because you are giving the person the silent treatment).
"Responding to the silent treatment with more silence or passive-aggression is a sure way to make things worse," Dr. Hafeez says. "Giving someone the silent treatment only escalates the conflict, increases emotional distance, and makes it harder to resolve issues."
She explains that it can set off a cycle of avoidance and prolong the conflict. Dr. McGeehan agrees.
"Ideally, strive to maintain open lines of communication, even if it’s challenging, so that no matter the outcome, you can feel grounded in your side of the street," Dr. McGeehan suggests.
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