<body><div><figure><img src="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?type=thumbnail_580x000&amp;url=3oYM3O_0vj0YvU700" alt="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?url=3oYM3O_0vj0YvU700" width="1200" height="675" ><figcaption>Survivor 47 host and showrunner Jeff Probst, during a rare moment when he wasn't reminding everyone that they're on Survivor and thats how you do it on Survivor!!! (Photo by Robert Voets/CBS)</figcaption></figure>Survivor 47 opened with what felt like forty several hours of the same thing as the last six seasons, but then offered some surprises, including a dramatic, shocking, and baffling last half-hour that gave me flashbacks to Survivor 46.The season opened by immersing us in Fiji and then whipping us off to the land of backstory photos and videos, accompanied by players trying to please the Survivor monster by saying its favorite words, like Sam telling us, “I think I am dangerous in Survivor.”For this season’s epic opening shot—”this is Survivor 47!”—host and showrunner Jeff Probst stood on a beach, arms akimbo. Whoa! The water was several feet away—his shoes could have gotten wet!<figure><img src="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?type=thumbnail_580x000&amp;url=31BEyv_0vj0YvU700" alt="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?url=31BEyv_0vj0YvU700" width="500" height="750" ><figcaption>A rare photo of this man not screaming. (Photo by Robert Voets/CBS)</figcaption></figure>We’re back to everybody’s favorite of three tribes of six, and to my favorite: lectures about the game instead of watching the game. Jeff Probst told the players it was time for “the forming of a new community,” and then pulled out HOA documents and told them what they could and could not put on their lawns. He also said “humans have always craved community,” and that may have been when I lost consciousness. I woke up when he was talking about “a game that’s played with humans.” Squid Game?Our host did the thing where he pretends not to know anyone’s name. “Guy on the end” Jon Lovett, one of our many podcasters this season, introduced himself as a podcaster and said, “I really care what people think of me.”My favorite exchange came with Teeny, who described her outfit as “aggressively scarecrow.” Probst said, “just to be clear, it’s not like I gave you these pants—these are your pants.” Huh, someone a little insecure about causing UTIs?Jeff walked the players from the beach to the opening challenge, which was fun by itself just because it was new, and I kind of want him to walk them everywhere now, like a kindergarten teacher. The challenge had exciting, brand-new elements, like crawling under a muddy net and retrieving puzzle pieces while a middle-aged white man yelled at them descriptions of what they were doing in that moment. The man also yelled “THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT ON SURVIVOR” which would seem self-evident, but what do I know? I only scream at my TV.<figure><img src="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?type=thumbnail_580x000&amp;url=2zl3un_0vj0YvU700" alt="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?url=2zl3un_0vj0YvU700" width="1200" height="675" ><figcaption>During Survivor 47’s opening challenge, TK ran as Jeff Probst screamed (Photo by Robert Voets/CBS)</figcaption></figure>The yellow tribe retrieved their puzzle pieces last and finished the puzzle first, a thing that has never happened on Survivor. Oh wait: fact checkers are telling me it happens all the time. They won their supplies and returned to camp.In an actual change, producers dispensed with the at-camp challenge, and replaced it with a challenge for two players, one from each of the losing tribes.TK and Aysha—our RHAP podcaster who not only introduced herself as a podcaster but was recognized by Teeny and also managed to say “Rob Has a Podcast” on Survivor—learned that there were supplies for “only for one of you.”Their challenge: “race against each other on separate paths” to find three keys, and then a clue to a fourth, shared key that would open the box with supplies. Their clues were not clues, but large photos with a red X marking the spot of a key, which is I assume are similar to what the producers gave to Russell Hantz. Aysha was way ahead, but got lost returning to the beach, where the fourth key was bobbing in the ocean. TK also couldn’t find a path, so he just smashed through the trees and got to the water first.But TK, who I assume is related to Iain from Below Deck Med, waded right past it multiple times. Aysha caught up right when he finally noticed it, and she tried to grab the key—ah, how I was rooting for her in that moment! But TK got it.Over on the yellow tribe, another podcaster, Jon, told his tribe who he was, and asked them, “Have any of you listened to it?” They hadn’t, though maybe one of them had heard of it. He mentioned writing speeches but not the names of people, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama; perhaps his tribemates might have heard of them?Andy told us he looks at “Survivor as a numbers game,” and wrote an equation in the air that the editors drew for us. Andy later told Jon “I’m bi,” and Jon said “I’m gay,” an exchange that is remarkable in its casualness. Sierra, pageant queen, was upset they walked away together, and I was like, Don’t you target the gays! She tried to make fire, and successfully did, so the yellow tribe seemed off to a great start. Anika later said that she was trying to resist being a leader, byt “my head cannot help but say hey guys, these are the steps that need to happen in order to get from A to Z, let’s do that.” Sam appreciated that because she was becoming a target, not him.On the red tribe, ER doctor Kishan shared he loves the chaos of the ER and Survivor, while Genevieve was getting along with Rob and Teeny and wants to be a foursome with Kishan. Teeny mentioned wanting to give Aysha a chance to join them, which was very kind, and the kind of thing I hate about that day-one challenge, because it’s the producers forcing one of six players to be away.Over on the blue tribe, Gabe wanted to work with an older person because “I’ve got a bit of an old soul in me.” So he approached Carolyn Sue, and said, “I got you.” Carolyn also approached Sue about working with her. Imagine: a tribe not targeting the old and infirm first! When TK returned with the reward he’d won, he and Gabe started bonding—or to quote Caroline, “the guys fell in love with each other the moment that they saw each other.” Showmance or bromance? We’ll have to wait and see.Gabe found the beware advantage, which the producers also changed this season. The clue led him to a kit with an immunity idol locked insider, and then another clue led him to the key. Just as I was thinking it was amazing he could do all this without anyone noticing that he was running around with a camera following him, TK caught him trying to retrieve a key from atop a vine. So, Gabe pretended he just found the key by itself. Gabe thought he’d fooled TK; TK said, “That doesn’t sound right. Maybe we aren’t as close as we thought we were.” Uh oh, bromance over.Later, Gabe used Sue as a lookout, and he got his idol: But oh, the Survivor gods are having fun now. He discovered both another locked box and that his idol was only good for one Tribal Council. He’d have to risk his vote again to go for an idol good for just three Tribal Councils. He realized he had to hide the box, and tried to do that on top of some rocks, where he dropped the box and it tumbled right at the camera, and everyone at camp heard. To get the next key, he had to smash driftwood that was marked on a map to it. He did that, and now he has an idol that will last three Tribal Councils—and another box with a lock, plus a small novella about a final task to give him an idol good until the final five. At this point, Gabe gave up.On red, Rome ran around by himself, and found the advantage box. To get that first idol, he had to dive into the water well, head first. That is so gross, especially since the well water is drinkable. I’d say that’s how the producers convinced them to boil water, but no one knew Rome had his head in the water. At some point in his search, Rome had to pour water onto a log, revealing a clue—clever design! Aysha caught him doing this, and called him “Mr. Gamer.” But she didn’t approach him so she didn’t know what he was doing, and told the rest of the tribe that he was simply looking for something.Back on yellow, we were back to midnight anxiety attacks. Andy told us, “in this new community, I’m somewhere I don’t belong.” What now. So he woke up in the middle of the night and pulled Rachel out of the shelter to have a therapy session. Rachel told us that she told him, “That’s a bad idea. We shouldn’t do that. And then he does it anyway.” Andy told her, “I thought I would come here and be a little different than I am.” As an Andy with anxiety who sometimes is kept awake by spiraling thoughts in my head, I understand. I am also all for sharing feelings. But OMG, WTF are you doing, bro? Rachel described this as “rip someone else’s game and pull them down with you,” and Andy whined to us, “I tried opening up to Rachel” but she wasn’t interested. Maybe consider her for a half a second? He told us that he had “a high school feeling like I’m different, I stick out in a bad way, with a group of people all enjoying each other’s company without me” and that “I had this gut feeling: I am on the bottom.” This is when I went to look up Andy’s age, thinking maybe it was a maturity thing, but he is 31.“I’m the least popular on this tribe,” he told Jon. Jon told us, “I don’t know if I want to work with somebody like that.” During a commercial break, everyone’s favorite Survivor loser and Traitors winner Cirie Fields was in a commercial for the film The Wild Robot, and convincingly delivered some strained lines about “true survival” and how Survivor and the movie are about being “more than you were programmed to be.” You get that Dreamworks cash, Cirie!<figure><img src="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?type=thumbnail_580x000&amp;url=4acufR_0vj0YvU700" alt="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?url=4acufR_0vj0YvU700" width="1200" height="675" ><figcaption>The red tribe paddles toward their immunity challenge victory on Survivor 47, episode 1 (Photo by Robert Voets/CBS)</figcaption></figure>At the immunity challenge, tribes had to paddle a boat to pick up massive, heavy chests, and then paddle those in to shore. Guess what was next? A puzzle!Yellow paddled the wrong way; Blue capsized their boat with the chests falling on them. Then yellow did the same thing. “It is an absolutely disaster in the first immunity challenge of Survivor 47,” Screamface McNarrator yelled at them as they floated in the ocean being crushed by giant props. “You wanted Survivor. YOU GOT SURVIVOR RIGHT HERE YOU FUCKING FAILURES NOW GET UP BECAUSE DADDY DOESN’T WANT ANY DROWNING.” The editors went to commercial before the “fucking failures” part so I wrote the rest in my head. After the commercial, Probst yelled, “This is one of the worst starts to any challenge in 47 seasons of Survivor,” and I noted he was screaming this from atop his little pier where everything is much easier.Red made it to the beach first (“with a giant lead; THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT”), and finished the puzzle before blue and yellow were even on the beach. Blue arrived first and then yellow. “All you’ve got to do is not be last,” Captain McObvious said. Red won.<figure><img src="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?type=thumbnail_580x000&amp;url=31dxBA_0vj0YvU700" alt="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?url=31dxBA_0vj0YvU700" width="1200" height="675" ><figcaption>The yellow tribe—including Andy Rueda, Rachel LaMont, and Sam Phalen—try to win the Survivor 47 episode 1 immunity challenge (Photo by Robert Voets/CBS)</figcaption></figure>While blue and yellow struggled with their puzzles, Andy walked over to the shade and collapsed on his back. Probst ran over and said, “Are you all right? Andy! Are you just chilling? Are you okay, or do you want medical?” Andy, twitching on the ground, said, “I gave everything, Jeff.” Jeff called medical crew over but the challenge continued until blue won and yellow was off to Tribal Council. The doctor gave Andy water, and Andy whined so much Probst said, “Dude, you’re in the game still. Stop. I’m with you.” In Andy’s defense, having Jeff Probst kneel next to you and narrate your medical condition usually means you’re about to die.“They were gonna vote me out,” Andy told Probst. Probst said, “Okay, but they haven’t voted you yet.” Andy was pulled back from the brink of death and rejoined the tribes, where he had word diarrhea all over the mat. “I was fighting for my life,” he said, and then shared his insecurities: “I crack open a coconut and they didn’t cheer for me. They cheered for Jon. They don’t like me, I don’t think.”He continued, because why not. “My best friend out here is Jon, and as they were finishing the puzzle, I was thinking I was going to throw him under the bus to try to stay,” Andy said. The other players’ mouths all dropped open at the same time and caused a minor earthquake. Tiyana’s reaction was particularly funny: She made a shhh! gesture, like she just couldn’t handle watching him vomit all this up.“You want something soft? Pick another show, because you are on Survivor,” Probst said. Excuse me while I go rewrite this recap because I thought I was watching Sand Castle Playtime.Let’s say they weren’t going to vote him out earlier. He’s 100 percent toast now, right? Maybe you keep him around? But not with this on day three. “I feel like I am dead man walking,” Andy said, and I think that’s right. But no: there was not 30 minutes of his animated corpse wandering around the island. Instead, a series of events that caused my jaw to drop open multiple times.Back at camp, Andy gathered his tribe and made them listen to his babble. “Survivor’s a game of paranoia,” he told the tribe, going on about “insecurities that date back decades” and insisting “I like all of you a lot.”The tribe all had to reassure him, which is not the kind of mental work you want to be doing on day three. Jon talked to Anika, Rachel, and Sierra, and they planned to vote Andy out. “It stinks. It just stinks,” he said.But what really smelled like fetid feces was when Rachel said they were going to tell Andy that the vote was for Jon. Jon told us that “sucks” and “what I’m hearing doesn’t totally make sense.”Indeed: If Andy already expects to be voted out, just say, You’re out. Maybe they worry he has an idol? But that Tribal Council meltdown is not the work of someone who has safety and can protect themselves. <figure><img src="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?type=thumbnail_580x000&amp;url=2Alisf_0vj0YvU700" alt="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?url=2Alisf_0vj0YvU700" width="500" height="700" ><figcaption>Survivor 47’s and Pod Save America’s Jon Lovett (Photo by Robert Voets/CBS)</figcaption></figure>Jon told Andy “I want you to stay,” and Andy said he wanted to vote for Anika. Why? Eh. Then they went to talk to Sam. “If I’m gonna be on this show for one episode—one glorious and perfect episode—I’d rather go out swinging and making some kind of a move rather than just hoping for the best,” Jon said. This is absolutely right: If you’re about to be blindsided, don’t just let that happen. Then again, this is absolutely wrong if the other players were just going to vote out Andy and now you’re going to target one of them.Jon proposed Sam talk to Sierra about voting for Anika. “Love you Jon, but I’m not doing that,” Sam told us, saying he was now considering voting out Jon because “he’s a strategist. He’s very, very smart.” Then came the most specious argument imaginable. “We need some strength, and honestly we’re not getting that from Jon,” Sierra said. Oh, and you got it from the person who collapsed mid-challenge and then had a public meltdown? Strength is Bhanu 2.0?There’s no actual way they would vote out Jon over someone who 1) woke up another player, 2) bailed during a challenge, and 3) exposing his version of his tribe’s dynamics and his game plan to everyone. Right? The players were off to Tribal Council, which has been redesigned again, now with a massive statue, which I first thought was Rob’s statue, beheaded. After an episode of The Jeff Probst Show, in which Andy talked about the recurrence of “this need to please people,” and Probst babbled about Survivor being “the biggest test of social resiliency anybody could ever volunteer for,” it was time to vote. I was genuinely unsure what they were going to do, and quite nervous. Would they actually turn on Jon? Would they rather stick with Andy for 23 days as a shield instead of keeping around a smart player? Or was all this just clever editing to deflect from an obvious vote? Probst read the votes: one for Anika, five for Jon, holy shit. That’s when I said, out loud, What in the actual fuck is wrong with this tribe? And I said that again when the preview showed them being shocked and appalled by something Andy did.While the editing wasn’t concealing an obvious Andy vote, I wonder if it concealed more about the dynamics with Jon. Maybe even before Tribal Council, the tribe was already planning to get rid of Jon, and Andy’s challenge confession was actually throwing them under the bus by revealing that the plan was to throw Jon under the bus?After an episode dedication—”In loving memory of Kijiana ‘Auntie Kitty’ Taito,” who was an accountant on Survivor’s production team—Jon gave us his terrific final words.“This will bring so much joy to my friends and family, making fun of me for years, that maybe it’ll be worth it,” he said. Get my hand-crafted newsletter with reality TV reviews, recommendations, and analysis in your inbox most Fridays: <h2>About the writer </h2>Andy Dehnart is a writer and TV critic who created reality blurred in 2000. His writing and reporting here has won an Excellence in Journalism award from NLGJA: The Association of LGBTQ+ Journalists and an L.A. Press Club National A&amp;E Journalism Award. </div></body>

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A Survivor 47 player’s stunning meltdown wasn’t the premiere’s most shocking part

Survivor 47 opened with what felt like forty several hours of the same thing as the last six seasons, but then offered some surprises, including a dramatic, shocking, and baffling last half-hour that gave me flashbacks to Survivor 46. The season opened by immersing us in Fiji and then whipping...