The shade of my heart

Intro

I saw on the internet the other day a woman commenting on online dating: “If you are ‘still figuring it out,’ then maybe you should take a minute and do that before dating.”

After thinking about it, I agreed. While I know everyone does things at their own pace and in their own way, it did make me wonder what ‘figuring it out’ meant for me. I think that starts with figuring out what I bring to the table — who I am.

The shade of my heart

The shade of my heart is light. Packed tight with blinding sunlight beating down in the center of an endless flower filled field. The sun’s rays filling me with dreamy inspiration. It is a sprawling forest filled with California Redwood and Vermont Sugar Maple trees that shade me from the heat. The purest energy beaming through the canopy and illuminating my path. The mountain air helps me stay close to the vibration of the earth, grounding me. The pine needles, fresh grass, the unmistakable scent of falling leaves kissed with the recent rainfall. The sound of rustling in the tall grass as squirrels and chipmunks run amok. The whispering breeze brushing against all living things to my tingling ears. My destination constantly shifting, but always rooted in following the sound of the rushing water — in the cleansing and healing of a mountain waterfall. The inner peace achieved when lost in a breathtaking sunset as the bugs start coming out. Where the symbiotic relationship between all living beings becomes clearer. Paying close attention and being aware of subtle shifts in energy and tone. Not allowing myself to become sucked in to the manufactured reality outside, but leaning on the deep trust in the organic.

The shade of my heart is dark. The back drop of the infinite with a gentle, but haunting moon. The endless array of stars pulsating and sparkling, as if there were one for every living being. The shapes and patterns in the night sky teaching us about our past, present, and future without a word being spoken. Without the ever flowing movement of the evening sky, I would think time had ceased to exist. The solitude and cold of space. The longing to be an equal with all things, to be one. And the pain that comes with rejection or being seen as invalid. With a vast landscape in front of me keeping my dreams and ideas ever flowing. The perfect muse for the wandering mind, reminding me to keep my goals big and my intentions pure.

The shade of my heart is transparent. Wearing my heart on my sleeve and remaining open to all knowledge, encouraging myself to never stop learning. To never stop growing. The beauty of knowing that I do not know. Knowing that I may be wrong and embracing the opportunity to evolve. Being vocal about my feelings and needs. I share my goals, hopes and dreams, in relation to my heart. I encourage myself to tap into my awareness of self: my body and mind. The study and attempt at equanimity, working toward harmony and further inner peace. Allowing compassion to fill me as I practice attunement to the suffering within myself and others. Encouraging me to take time to reflect on what I have given others, the world, and myself lately. Have I been generous, like the spattering of beauty in the twilight’s canvas? Have I been honest, like the sun is set to rise and fall each day? Have I transferred energy effectively through physical touch: with hugs, kisses, high-fives and pats on the back? Have I complimented others today and reminded them of their individuality? Have I encouraged myself and others to pursue their dreams and to see their own value? Have I celebrated the beauty and the joy that all living things bring to our world? Have I considered my own mortality and finite life-span enough to contribute my best on a daily basis? Have I embraced new connections, allowing the love and light in the world to expand and strengthen? Have I done my best today?

Outro

When I consider what ‘figuring it out’ means and think about what I want to do in this world, I am at least confident that I am starting that conversation by knowing myself and the value that I bring while I look for a life partner, a queen to rule a kingdom with me, an equal of the highest order. Someone who’ll embrace me as family. As essential in their life. Where there is mutual love, respect, and desire for each other. Where getting to know each other becomes a way to get to know ourselves better. Who enables us to lift each other up to reach our shared and individual goals, by having an open mind and being willing to grow together. I know that process starts with someone who truly knows themselves and is willing to connect on a deeper, intimate level to share love with me and bring love to the world.

I wonder if all of that will fit in a dating profile?