Personality typing can be fun and help people feel seen. If you took half an hour to fill out an Enneagram quiz and paid for the result, you know what we're talking about. Astrology is another biggie—as if the stars made you destined for competitive, fiery personalities (hello, fellow Aries ). You could say a passion for personality typing is a love language all its own, but technically, it's not.
" The love languages are how people prefer to give and receive love," explains Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D. , a licensed clinical psychologist with South County Psychiatry. "Once you know your love language, this can enhance and improve your relationship dynamic."
Psychologists say it's possible that your birth order can reveal a lot about your preferred love language, which could be any of the following: words of affirmation , quality time, physical touch, acts of service or receiving gifts.
"The role within the family, expectations and relationships with parents and siblings can shape how children perceive and express love because our caregivers provide us with our blueprint for receiving love," explains Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D . , a licensed psychologist.
Dr. McGeehan says people can seek to be loved in the same way in romantic relationships as adults.
Now, a caveat: Birth order-induced personality traits (and love languages) aren't an exact science and often lean heavily on stereotypes and generalizations.
"This is definitely painting with a broad brush and based on stereotypical experiences from these different experiences," clarifies Dr. McGeehan.
Still, it can be fun to consider how birth order affects your love language (and you may feel validated in the process). So, take the meat and spit out the bones as psychologists reveal what your sibling's birth order says about your love language.
Related: What Your Sibling Birth Order Reveals About Your Personality Traits (Even if You're an Only Child)
What Are the Five Love Languages?
Dr. Hannah Yang, Psy.D . , the visionary of Balanced Awakening , explains that Dr. Gary Chapman introduced the idea of five love languages in his 1992 book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.
"Love languages come out of the idea that people have different ways of experiencing both giving and receiving love, which resonates with them most strongly," she says.
Dr. Yang explains that the five love languages are:
- Words of affirmation (compliments or loving words)
- Acts of service (doing something caring for someone, like washing their car)
- Receiving gifts (such as feeling loved when someone gives you jewelry)
- Quality time (Sunday night walks or casual chats)
- Physical touch (holding hands and cuddling are two examples)
Related: 13 Phrases You Should Use During a Fight If You Have a Different Attachment Style Than Your Partner
Oldest Children's Love Langauge
1. Acts of service
Oldest children can become default babysitters and mini-caregivers (for better or worse).
"As the oldest child, they are most likely to carry responsibility for their younger siblings and help out around the house and in the family," Dr. Yang says. "They are most likely in the birth order to develop a pattern of being rewarded with love for doing an act of service for the family."
How to speak it: Dr. McGeehan says that oldest children may love it when someone takes their car for an oil change or picks up their favorite Starbucks beverage.
2. Words of affirmation
Oldest children can assume leadership roles and face high standards.
"Positive reinforcement can be especially meaningful," Dr. McGeehan explains. "Additionally, the oldest child is often verbally praised, and they have associated these words of affirmation with love ."
How to speak it : Dr. Yang says that oldest children appreciate being told they did a good job. "Any time a partner notices something and points it out verbally with praise, this may resonate strongly," Dr. Yang says.
Related: 12 Phrases Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Saying to an Oldest Child
Middle Children's Love Language
1. Quality time
Cliché, but sometimes true: "Middle children are more likely than oldest and youngest to get overlooked growing up," Dr. Yang says. "They are the ones in the birth order who are most likely to not get enough quality time with parents, so when they do get it, they savor it."
Dr. Yang says this desire for quality time continues in adulthood. "They are the ones most likely to crave and to offer designated experiences of togetherness," Dr. Yang says.
How to speak it: Dr. Yang loves the idea of carving out time for breakfast or evening walks sans screens.
2. Receiving gifts
It's more than consumerism. Dr. McGeehan says emotions carried over from childhood can carry over to a middle child's appreciation of gifts.
"Gifts can serve as a tangible reminder that they are thought of and cared for, especially important if they sometimes feel less noticed or are used to receiving hand-me-downs," she explains.
How to speak it: Dr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D. , a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor, recommends finding something clearly hand-picked based on the person's likes and dislikes. It'll help middle children—who often feel sandwiched and overlooked—feel seen and honored. Dr. McGeehan says it can be as simple as a Hershey's kiss if that's their favorite candy.
Related: 13 Things Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Saying to a Middle Child
Youngest Children's Love Language
1. Physical touch
The youngest child is often referred to as the "baby of the family" long after they graduate from diapers (which has its drawbacks but is used as a term of endearment).
"Sometimes, families know that they are done having children, and the youngest child is particularly cherished in a way that is expressed by touch," Dr. Yang says. "If this was the case, touch is going to resonate with a youngest child in adulthood."
How to speak it: Dr. Yang suggests simple gestures to promote closeness, like holding hands while walking or sitting on the couch and cuddling.
2. Gifts
As the family "little one," youngest children may have grown up showered with gifts.
"They might be used to growing up getting special attention, gifts and material things from other family members," Dr. Schiff shares.
However, the reverse can also be true.
"It is also possible that the youngest never have their own things—everything is passed down, whether it be clothing or toys," Dr. Goldman explains. "Some youngest children appreciate gifts because it makes them feel special to have their own, unique gift."
How to speak it: As with the middle child, Dr. Goldman suggests finding something that shows you know them. Think a soft throw blanket if they're always cold (Bonus: It's perfect for physical touch too).
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Related: 12 Phrases Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents to Stop Saying to a Youngest Child
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