And you thought last year was bad for the Patriots

The Patriots' offseason dumpster diving is already costing team its development of young players like Drake Maye.

I’m not sure what the Drake Maye truthers are expecting if and when the rookie quarterback gets the nod over Jacoby Brissett in the coming weeks. But you have to understand their thirst for something tangibly exciting regarding the health and vibrancy of the New England Patriots.

Any and all delusional enough to think the 2024 Patriots — armed with a rookie head coach, the best financial bargain the Krafts could find on the free agent quarterback market, and a complete disregard to dress the gushing wound at offensive line — would compete, let alone be somewhat more entertaining than last season’s four-win campaign, are quickly sobering up. Hidden behind the excitement of drafting their next franchise quarterback (something they also did only three, short years ago), the Patriots did next to nothing to improve a four-win team that turned into Bill Belichick’s slow death march in Foxborough. It was one of the most dismal seasons in New England franchise history.

This one might turn out all the more tedious.

To be fair, most of us expected the worst all summer; until the mirages appeared in the season-opener in Cincinnati, a team some had earmarked for the Super Bowl. But the realities have only multiplied since then in New England, as well as coming to the realization that the 1-3 Bengals aren’t very good.

There are things to like about these Patriots, but you have to sift through the growing locker room grumblings to find them. Christian Gonzalez is emerging as one of the best defensive backs in the NFL during the early portion of his second season. Running back Rhamondre Stevenson is a force when he’s not dropping the ball. Hard to bench your lone reason to hope for any positive yardage.

That’s it. That’s all there is to like. Two things; really like 1 1/2 when you consider Stevenson’s fumbling proclivities.

Beyond that, what’s to get hooked on? Brissett has been fiercely beaten behind a nugatory offensive line, and is performing noticeably worse each week. Wide receivers DeMario Douglas and Ja’Lynn Polk may represent hope for the future in Foxborough, but neither can seem to get any separation, ala N’Keal Harry [shiver]. And by the time they do, Brissett is already one layer of earth closer to Hong Kong anyway.

But it’s easiest to be underwhelmed with new head coach Jerod Mayo and his coaching staff, which seems as if it were put together with whatever coupons the team had to use at Family Dollar. It’s hard to give offensive coordinator Alex Van Pelt credit when you realize what he’s working with. But how much skill do you really need to call “Stevenson up the middle” 42 times per game? There was the nifty lateral play the offense debuted during Sunday’s 30-13 loss to 49ers somewhere near San Francisco (a play that went for naught after Tyquan Thornton was called for a phantom block in the back penalty). The play-action that turned into an Austin Hooper touchdown was well-executed.

But for every Charlie Weis twist Van Pelt might pull from his pocket from time to time, there’s also the chance to emulate Tom McMahon (the guy who drew this up). That’s a line Van Pelt is treading with his already-laughable attempts to dupe the defense into an offsides call. Like the Patriots have anything reliable to gain three yards that isn’t Stevenson up the gut. You can just imagine Van Pelt rubbing his hands together on the sideline with a Dr. Evil confidence that everything will go according to plan. They’ll never see it coming.

Van Pelt’s offensive schemes seem better suited for a football introductory coloring book, but you have to take into account the roster he’s been dealt. The Patriots could have signed a free agent tackle like Jonah Williams (two years, $30 million from the Arizona Cardinals) or Tyron Smith (one year, $6.5 million from the Jets) but instead went after guys like Chukwuma Okorafor (one year, $4 million) and drafted for their biggest need only after taking the hardly-utilized Polk in the third round. Robert and Jonathan opened the wallet for Michael Onwenu (three years, $57 million) but only were willing to dish out $6 million for a quarterback, or just $500,000 fewer than Trey (Oden) Lance is making this season. Kirk Cousins (four years, $180 million from the Atlanta Falcons) wasn’t a financial reality for a front office that only spends that kind of money on the likes of Nelson Agholor and Jonnu Smith. But a Sam Darnold (one year, $10 million) or Gardner Minshew (two years, $24 million from Las Vegas) would be too much to ask on a quarterback roster that only has two rookies to toss to the defensive wolves once Brissett’s body decides it can no longer play the role of sacrificial lamb. 

Stuck in the midst of it all is Mayo, who has dropped his fair share of hints that he thinks Maye is ready to take over, but is clearly fighting off resistance from somebody at Patriot Place. “Jacoby is 100 percent our starter,” Mayo said Monday. Those are words that an increasingly frustrated fan base didn’t want to hear and doesn’t want its head coach to actually believe. Does the team think it can mold the next Patrick Mahomes simply by having the kid sit an entire season? That’s ideal on a team that has anything to rely on otherwise. This is not that team, and Jacoby Brissett doesn’t have nearly the roster beholden to Alex Smith. Maybe Van Pelt is married to his former colleague in Cleveland and feels his own shortcomings might be exposed by putting the rookie out on the field.

Jayden Daniels, meanwhile, has led the Washington Whatevers to a 3-1 mark and might have the Patriots wondering why they wasted wins over the Steelers and Broncos last December when they could have instead landed the Heisman Trophy winner with the second pick in the NFL Draft.

They obviously can’t play the “what would have been” scenario. But the Patriots seem terrified to play the game at all.