A Mother Reflects: 10 Tips On Helping Your Child With College Admissions

The challenge of college admissions

“ Amidst a world veiled in haze,
My thoughts lay still, in a tranquil daze,
Lost and adrift, no path in sight,
A sea of knowledge, overwhelming might. “

I wrote these words last year during a time of deep uncertainty, feeling overwhelmed and lost. As a mother, I was drowning in advice on the best way to support my child’s education —endless articles, forums, and opinions that left me more confused than reassured. Despite all the information, none seemed to truly connect with my unique challenges.

Then I discovered Chai With Moms, a community founded by three incredible women, and I finally felt understood. When I heard about MomsConnect Conference 2024, I knew I had to attend.

MomsConnect 2024 was transformative—filled with practical advice, honest conversations, and, most importantly, a sense of belonging. This experience gave me new insights and helped me reflect on my parenting approach.

Here are the ten most valuable lessons I took away, which I plan to put into practice as I carve out a new path forward with my child:

1. There’s No One Right Path to College

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to college; whether it’s community college, a gap year, or a four-year university, the goal is to find what fits best for each child. In Irena Smith’s words, “ There is no secret formula or single path to guaranteed success. Although high school can be a stressful time for students and parents, focusing on a child’s unique strengths and avoiding comparisons can help nurture self-motivated, confident, and resilient young people .”

This reminder helped me realize that my role is not to find the “perfect” path, but to support my child in discovering their own while celebrating their strengths and avoiding comparisons.

2. Mental Health Is a Priority

In today’s high-pressure environment, children face immense expectations that can lead to anxiety and burnout if not managed properly. It’s vital to prioritize mental health just as we do physical health and remove any stigma around discussing it.

I want our home to be a safe space where my child feels comfortable sharing their feelings. By fostering open communication and focusing on well-being, I can help my child manage these pressures and build resilience for the future.

3. Focus on Strengths, Not Prestige

During the morning panel, Smith discussed the importance of Advanced Placement (AP) classes, giving me a new perspective. Instead of trying to pile on as many AP classes as possible for the sake of prestige, I realized the value of selecting courses that align with my child’s strengths and interests.

4. Passion Over Checklists

The importance of encouraging passion over simply accumulating extracurricular activities truly resonated with me. As Alec Katz of Curious Cardinals said, “ You can make them do something, but you can’t make them want to do something. ” I want to support my child in pursuing what genuinely excites them, rather than pushing them into activities just to check boxes for college applications. A passion project can be a meaningful way for them to explore their interests, develop new skills, and showcase their talents. There is no right age to start—beginning early allows for exploration while starting later, with the right guidance, they can discover true passions that shine through in applications.

5. Look Beyond the Surface

Louis Newman made me rethink how I evaluate colleges for my child. He reminded us that college is not a plane ticket to a guaranteed destination, but a passport—a journey that requires thoughtful investment. Instead of being swayed by the quality of campus tours, I now understand the importance of considering what truly matters: faculty satisfaction, learning resources, and student engagement programs. These are the elements that determine whether a school is the right fit for my child’s growth and happiness.

6. Creative Ways to Connect with Teens

One of the lighter moments of the conference focused on how to communicate effectively with teenagers. Experts humorously suggested that when teens believe mom doesn’t know anything, it might be best to communicate indirectly—perhaps even through their friends. This advice highlighted the importance of handling our relationships with teenagers thoughtfully.

Moving forward, I plan to use more humor and subtle approaches to keep our connection positive and strong.

7. Choosing the Right Guidance for College Admissions

Balancing private and school counselors is key in the college admissions journey. Private counselors offer personalized support, though they can be costly, while school counselors provide general advice and manage logistics but may have limited availability. I plan to maximize our school counselor’s support throughout high school while using an essay coach (or private counselor) for essay guidance during the college application process—someone who understands teenagers and helps develop ideas over multiple drafts—ensuring my child’s voice shines through. If a private counselor isn’t financially feasible, I’ll explore books on college essays to support my child effectively.

8. Building a Strong Foundation for Standardized Testing

Timing is everything when it comes to preparing for standardized tests. Starting too late can prevent my child from achieving their best score while starting too early might lead to struggles with incomplete knowledge or even forgetting key concepts before test day. I want to help my child build a solid foundation over time, which will reduce stress and ensure concepts truly stick. Encouraging them to take the PSAT or PSAT 10 as a sophomore is a great way to introduce them to the test in a low-pressure setting, providing a baseline score to guide how much preparation is needed for the SAT.

9. Embracing Your Child’s Unique Journey

The “College-Goers’ Perspective” panel reminded me that there is no one right path to success. Each student’s journey—whether switching majors, pursuing sports, or transferring from community college—highlighted the value of finding their own way.

As a mom, I realized the importance of embracing my child’s unique choices and trusting their ability to carve out their own path.

10. The Power of Community

The biggest lesson I learned was the importance of community. Seeing 250 moms gather at the event, each facing similar challenges, was a powerful reminder that I am not alone. Thanks to Chai With Moms, I now have a support system to lean on whenever I need guidance or just a comforting conversation. Whether it’s during their Tuesday “Ask Us Anything” hour or the weekend chai sessions, I know I have a place where I belong.

MomsConnect 2024 has left me feeling recharged and ready for the journey ahead. The insights I’ve gained have given me clarity and the confidence to support my child with renewed strength. Most importantly, I now know that I am never alone in this process.

With the support of Chai With Moms, I feel empowered. We choose hope. We choose each other.

Together, over a warm cup of chai, we are stronger.

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