12 Surprising Things About Getting Old

It's not all bad.

Leaving the stove onPhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

I got married when I was 20. I had heard that you turn around a couple of times and you’re old. That really has proven to be the case. I remember when I was a kid, and we were traveling from Illinois to Oklahoma and wondering if we would ever get there. We eventually did, but it seemingly took forever. When it came to getting old, the trip was exceedingly quick.

So, what’s to be said about this destination, old age? A lot, most of it not good, but it’s not all bad. Here are some discoveries.

1: Our pupils get smaller as we get older.

That’s one of the reasons why we can’t see as well. Ironically, when it comes to schoolteachers, their pupils are getting larger.

2: By the time a person is 90, the blood pumped by their heart has decreased by 50%.

Actually, by the time most people are 90, the blood pumped by their heart has decreased 100%.

3: As you get older you may actually be happier.

Sometimes we enjoy things we took for granted when we were younger, like breathing.

4: Old people tend to be more flatulent.

However, that might not be the problem it seems. As we get older our sense of hearing and smell diminishes, so when we get old, our flatulence is other people’s problem.

5: Your mood swings tend to level out resulting in less drama in your life.

Except for the occasional trips to the emergency rooms and waiting for what the spot on that X-ray means. Those can be pretty dramatic.

6: You are less influenced by the opinions of others.

That means you really don’t care if people laugh at you for catching the Early Bird Special at your favorite eating establishment or why you can wear your pants as high as you want to. It’s your life. What’s left of it.

7: The idea that older people need less sleep is a myth.

Older people still need 7–9 hours of sleep per night. I find that I sometimes need a little extra during the day. I also find that need gets satisfied at inopportune times. Like when I trying to watch the conclusion of a movie, or when I’m driving.

8: Quitting smoking helps you no matter how old you are.

And there are a number of ways you can stop, though they can be broken down into two categories. One is making an educated choice as to how you want to go about it. Two is by dying. Of course, I guess the second category really doesn’t help your health.

9: Sexual satisfaction is reportedly higher when you get old.

Of course, the frequency is less. Generally, women especially report a higher level of satisfaction. I’m thinking they are more satisfied because of the lower frequency.

10: As we get older, we have trouble hearing high-pitched frequencies.

So, you young whippersnappers, stop your whining. We can’t hear you anyway.

11: We sweat less as we get older.

Maybe that’s why I don’t see many antiperspirant commercials geared to old people.

12: Learning a second language can help protect against Alzheimer’s.

So, griping at immigrants to speak English may be counterproductive to our mental health. Better to learn a second language.