The Strength in Starting Over: Rebuilding After Divorce

Photo byCanva

When my 22-year marriage ended, I was devastated. My husband’s affairs were a crushing blow, and I was left to rebuild my life with 9 kids.

I felt stuck between the overwhelming pain of betrayal and the daunting thought of moving forward. Making decisions seemed impossible as I struggled through anger, sadness, and confusion.

Divorce is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through, but it’s also an opportunity for a new beginning. The upheaval leaves us feeling lost and broken, sitting in uncertainty — but there is hope on the other side.

With nearly 50% of marriages ending in divorce, countless face this overwhelming pain, yet many find a path to recovery and growth.

The First Steps

Unsure of how to feel better and start healing, I started by re-establishing a daily routine for myself and my children. This small but pivotal step provided us with a sense of stability in the chaos.

Going through a divorce, especially when you’re blindsided, is incredibly painful. But I can tell you with sincere honesty that it’s possible to feel good again after divorce. Healing is possible.

Getting there is far from easy. It’s probably one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. But through intentional actions and self-discovery, you will find the strength and resilience you never knew you had.

Here’s how I got back to good and emerged stronger.

Giving Yourself Permission

Grieving is the first step in healing. I spent many nights crying alone after the kids were asleep, allowing myself to feel the pain, anger, and sadness. I gave myself permission to acknowledge the depth of my hurt.

I wrote a letter to my ex-husband, letting it all out. I never sent it, but the act of writing helped me process my emotions. It was incredibly freeing.

Allow yourself time to process the pain; it’s a necessary part of healing. It’s okay to feel hurt, angry, and confused — it’s completely normal.

You want to process the pain but don’t dwell too long. Acknowledge your feelings, but don’t let them define you. Use this time to understand and accept what you’re going through.

The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.” — Caroline Myss

Prioritize You

Self-love is crucial right now — physically, mentally, and emotionally.

• Getting Movement: Regular exercise, nutritious meals, and sleep. Your body needs strength to support your emotional healing.
• Mental Well-being: Engage in activities that stimulate your mind, such as reading, puzzles, or learning a new skill.
• Emotional Care: Spend time with positive people who uplift and support you.

Set Goals and Challenges

Setting goals and working towards them gives you a much-needed sense of purpose right now. They don’t have to be huge; small, achievable goals will make a big difference. For instance, start exercising, walking, running, or swimming — something you enjoy.

Finding activities that challenged me, like joining a swim club, helped me regain confidence and start healing.

Which brings me to stepping out of our comfort zones.

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

Divorce makes a person feel like their world is shrinking. Stepping out of your comfort zone helps you reclaim your life. Try new activities, meet new people, and explore new places.

Each step, no matter how small, builds confidence and resilience — even if it feels the exact opposite at the time.

Strategies for Tough Times

These were the key principles that guided me through the toughest times:

• Control Your Actions: We can’t change what happened, but we can choose our response.
• Find the Good: Focus on the positive aspects. Both good and bad are present, but choosing to see the good supports healing.
• Learn from Experience: Every challenge is an opportunity for growth. Failing makes us wiser and stronger when we let it.
• Forgive for Your Peace: Forgiving isn’t excusing the wrong; it’s about letting go and finding peace for yourself.
• Recreate Your New Life: The choice is yours. Set your intention and stay focused.

Focus on Self-Improvement

How we respond to our circumstances matters more than the circumstances themselves. Focusing on what’s in our control, like self-improvement each day, even in small ways, greatly impacts healing.

• Take a few minutes each day, in the morning and evening, to reflect on your progress. Acknowledge your achievements, no matter how small.
• Learn something new each week. This keeps your mind occupied and opens new possibilities.
• Keeping a gratitude journal shifts your focus from what’s wrong to what’s right in your life.

New Beginnings

Divorce isn’t the end, even if it feels like it right now; it’s your opportunity for a new beginning.

One of the most transformative steps I took was making a list of the things I wanted to do but had tucked away in my life. The list was long but clear, filled with dreams I’d put on hold.

Take this opportunity to create a life that reflects who you are and what you want. You have the power within you. Healing is a journey, and each step brings you strength and resilience.

Takeaways

Healing is in our hands, and it’s something we can choose. Here’s how to begin transforming your pain into strength:

• Process your feelings and prioritize self-care to support healing.
• Set small goals and step out of your comfort zone to reclaim your life.
• Focus on self-improvement and forgiveness to create a new, empowered life.

Even in the darkest times, you can rise stronger, embrace your true self, and recreate a life you can’t wait to get started on.

“Sometimes, when you’re in a dark place, you think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted.” — Christine Caine