How Stonewalling Can Negatively Impact Your Relationship

In relationships, it’s true that opposites attract . It’s common to have relationships where one partner is more explosive in arguments and wants to talk immediately, while the other partner might completely shut down in arguments. However, the act of stonewalling, or shutting down in arguments, can be detrimental to a relationship.

If you or the person that you are in a relationship with someone stonewalls, then it is imperative to learn how to communicate. You are not crazy or an awful person for how you communicate, but you always can learn to communicate better. Sometimes, people stonewall as an unintentional defense mechanism. It might be something they developed during past trauma as a means to protect themselves. The problem is that it can cause huge emotional damage in relationships .

The key to breaking the cycle is open communication. Here’s how stonewalling can impact your relationship and how to rebuild a healthy connection.

Stonewalling Cuts Off Open Communication

Stonewalling happens when one partner goes silent, pulls away physically and emotionally and gives one-word answers. They might stare into space, avoid eye contact or display a lack of responsiveness.

Open communication is necessary for any relationship to truly thrive. When one person shuts down, it naturally cuts off dialogue, conflict resolution and building understanding. If there is a metaphorical wall that goes up during moments of high tension or in disagreements, you are not practicing healthy and open communication.

Your Partner May Feel Abandoned

Although stonewalling is commonly born out of feelings of fear, anxiety and frustration, it can leave the person on the receiving end feeling abandoned, demeaned or abused. For the person who is being stonewalled, they might feel frustrated, confused, hurt or angry. Inadvertently, it can have a damaging impact on the recipient’s self-esteem. They might wrestle with confusing feelings of a lack of trust or closeness with their partner. The irony is that oftentimes the person who stonewalls commonly might deal with feelings of low self-worth and powerlessness.

Issues Are Left Unresolved

Although it might feel more comfortable to avoid difficult topics, stonewalling inevitably leads to more discomfort and tension. When two people in a relationship avoid important conversations, the tension increases. Grievances and issues are left unaddressed, and problems never get resolved.

Stonewalling Drives Feelings of Resentment or Disrespect

Relationships with parents and family can deeply impact romantic relationships. It makes perfect sense that when one partner has grown up with a parent who is emotionally distant, withdrawn or inaccessible, that stonewalling can be triggering. Difficult conversations and conflict can become more heated. The person on the receiving end of stonewalling can feel hurt and disrespected, and the basis of any loving relationship is respect.

It Can Be a Form of Gaslighting

When done intentionally, stonewalling can be a form of gaslighting. This happens when you intentionally ignore your partner’s feelings and concerns, causing them to question their sense of reality. For the person on the receiving end, it can feel like their partner is not validating their side of the argument or their feelings.

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