How Do You Know When It’s Time to End a Relationship (3 Questions to Think About)

Photo byAndrii Zastrozhnov/Shutterstock.

Relationships are tough? We’ve all been through ups and downs, failed relationships, and heartbreaks. According to Forbes, 40-60% of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, with third marriages having the highest divorce rate (73%).

But how do you know when to walk away? Maybe you’ve tried everything. Maybe you’ve given it time, talked things out, and still feel like something’s missing. That nagging feeling you can’t shake?

Well, I’m here to tell you it goes beyond: 1) Am I happy, 2) Do we share the same values and goals, and 3) I don’t want to be alone. You have to examine some fundamental areas of the relationship to know if you’re just in a funk and if things are fixable or not.

1. Do You Both Know What the Problem Is…Are You Both Willing to Work on It?

So, this is a two-part question, but they go together. You need to start with taking responsibility in your relationship and looking at your partner’s accountability. Do you and your partner agree on what the problem is, and are you both actually working it?

When it comes to relationships, knowing what the problem is—and being willing to work on it—can make or break everything. If both people can’t even agree on what the issue is, how can they fix it? Misunderstanding or ignoring the root of the problem leads to frustration and creates distance.

If you’re the only one trying to address it, or worse, if your partner denies there’s a problem, that’s a major red flag. It means you’re speaking different emotional languages, and that’s a tough gap to bridge.

Willingness is the key. Even if both of you know what’s wrong, the real question is whether you’re both committed to solving it. Are you both putting in the effort to grow, change, and meet each other halfway?

Relationships take work, but if one person is checked out or unwilling to try, it’s like fighting an uphill battle. Without mutual effort and respect, things won’t improve, and it might be time to consider if staying together is really the best option for both of you.

2. Are Compromises on Both Sides Making the Relationship Better or Worst?

According to Mark Manson “compromise isn’t about making everyone happy, compromise is making sure nobody is miserable.” Can you both put the needs of someone else before your own? Are you kind and willing to make sure they’re not going to be miserable? But are the compromises (on both sides) worth it for the relationship?

Even though compromise is the backbone of a healthy relationship, not all compromises are good. How much do you have to bend not to be miserable? Are you working as a team, solving problems that bring you closer? Do you have a give-and-take relationship?

It’s important to ask yourself if the compromises you’re making are building a better relationship or slowly breaking it apart. Do you find common ground and feel peace, or do you feel draining? Healthy compromises lead to growth…while unhealthy compromises will make you lose pieces of yourself.

I think it’s about seeing the bigger picture. Do you both focus on the problems or do you focus on life and your behaviors? Are you nitpicking everything (focused on the grind) or genuinely trying to be a better person (focused on behaviors)?

3. Are You Waiting for the Other Person to Change?

A lot of people don’t love their partner. They love who their partner was or could be. It’s really pretty sad because they spend their lives just waiting and settling in the relationship.

I have to say–you can’t stay in a relationship to make yourself happy one day. Only you can make yourself happy every day, and you should do that regardless of what else is happening.

Compromising or waiting just to get someone to change is a dangerous game. When you start to adjust who you are or what you want in hopes that things will magically transform your partner, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

Ultimately, change comes from within, not pressure or manipulation. Work on making yourself a better person and see if your partner is also doing that.