<body><div><img src="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?type=thumbnail_580x000&amp;url=24ueiO_0w9W9T4i00" alt="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?url=24ueiO_0w9W9T4i00" width="1528" height="800" >Key points<ul><li>Self-compassion may well be more vital to your happiness than self-esteem.</li><li>If you’re committed to overly high standards, being self-compassionate of your flaws could feel unacceptable.</li><li>If you lacked a secure union with your parents, it may be difficult to feel self-compassion.</li></ul>In various ways, a person’s self-compassion seems more important to their happiness than self-esteem. Whereas self-esteem implies comparing oneself favorably to others, self-compassion is an overarchingly positive concept of transcending one’s comparative regard for others.As crucial as self-compassion may be to a (non-narcissistic) love of self, it remains elusive and surprisingly difficult for many people to achieve. Even for those individuals who are ordinarily compassionate toward others, they may experience all kinds of self-biased barriers in displaying such compassion toward themselves.It’s as if they grade themselves on a reverse curve, their very baseline intimating a perception of themselves as failing, inadequate, or undeserving.Here are 6 related explanations for such an unfortunate deficit in the ability to be as kind to yourself as you are toward others:1. Avoiding vulnerability at all costs. If you grew up in an environment where personal weakness was linked to showing vulnerability, which in turn was related to seeking compassion from others, you might see self-compassion as self-indulgent. Beyond this, you might also regard self-compassion as unwarranted.It’s possible that you were reared by parents who felt you needed to be tough if in the face of life’s inevitable disappointments you were to grow your resilience—yet they did not offer you the emotional support or validation needed to facilitate this process. Such a non-empathic reaction to your concerns could pressure you to view self-compassion adversely.2. Avoiding feeling your pain. A prerequisite for self-compassion is openness to all your feelings. If you feel the need to suppress or repress painful feelings, you’ll be closed to self-compassion. This may be because you don’t want to chance being overwhelmed by unpleasant emotions, which you’re not certain you can handle.3. Holding yourself to overly high standards. If you tend toward perfectionism, you may fear that self-compassion may mean (unacceptably) lowering your standards. Or, you may worry that a more realistic, less negatively biased modification of your principles would be tantamount to complacency or failure.4. Not having had a secure attachment to your parents. If you grew up with an insecure attachment to your parents, you may not have internalized a sense of emotional safety and support. Paradoxically, with a heightened, exaggerated threat detection system, outward gestures of compassion could feel more threatening than comforting. Rather than presenting an opportunity for healing, you might perceive your very need for compassion as signifying weakness and therefore be inclined to reject it.5. Not having a secure attachment to yourself. If you tend to judge yourself harshly, with all the habitually negative self-talk and sense of shame that goes along with it, being kind to yourself may be seriously hindered, because that’s not a psychic environment where self-compassion can thrive.6. Having concerns about social rejection. If your primary concern is how others view you and you worry that exercising more self-compassion could prompt them to regard you as selfish or weak, that negative supposition would be your defense against disapproval or outright rejection.Like so many other things in life, what might look simple enough to accomplish can be full of unrealized, biased obstacles.© 2024 Leon F. Seltzer, PhD. All Rights Reserved.</div></body>

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Why Self-Compassion Doesn't Always Feel Tenable

Self-compassion may well be more vital to your happiness than self-esteem. If you’re committed to overly high standards, being self-compassionate of your flaws could feel unacceptable. If you lacked a secure union with your parents, it may be difficult to feel self-compassion. In various ways, a person’s self-compassion seems...

Why Self-Compassion Doesn't Always Feel Tenable

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