Older Adults Who Never Got Married Are Revealing The Biggest Misconceptions About Being Single Later In Life, And It's Thought-Provoking

We recently wrote a post where older adults who never got married revealed misconceptions about being single later in life . In the comments, even more single older adults shared the realities of their lives that more people should know. Here's what they had to say:

1. "The biggest myth is we are undesirable. The truth is we have experienced life and have worked on ourselves to a point we learned what a healthy marriage and relationship is and want no parts in those who can't add too our happiness and self love. I have been single for eight years and have learned a great deal about myself and teaching my son proper healthy communication and love of himself."

" Most people have abandonment issues that they will never admit to or work on. In today's atmosphere, it's way more scarier than previous years; there more mentally unstable people now more than ever."

—51, Indiana

2. "That you'd never find love and be lonely. Actually, I have a great circle of friends and make more as I age — and I still have lifelong friends from my teenage years. While I've been 'unlucky in love' as they say, I'm still satisfied with life. It comes down to choosing to live with happy melancholy instead of regret. Nothing in life will go your way 100%. Be at peace with that."

—54, USA

3. "People think that being single is abnormal. They believe that if the person is unmarried, they should at least have children who will take care of them during old age. Personally, I enjoy my life and space because I'm free to do everything whenever I feel like it without any interruption. Solo life is lovely and very relaxing."

—42, Lesotho

4. "One of the biggest myths is that I have tons of money and free time. I do not have either. For instance, no one has given me a discount to repair my car or house because I am single. Plus, it takes the same time to fly from one destination to another. The plane doesn't go faster because it is inundated with single people. I still have to balance my checkbook just like anyone else. The only difference is that I'm probably better at it than most and don't have a family and children to blame unnecessary expenses on."

"I also believe the hardest thing for me is that I have longed for a partner and children for the wrong reasons. I want to be part of that community to continually talk about children and their partners at social gatherings because that is pretty much their life. I feel left out because I talk about traveling the world, volunteering in my community, writing new books, attending concerts and sporting events, and living life. It becomes quite a turnoff when speaking to most other people because they don't understand why I get to do all this stuff and they don't. At first, I didn't choose to be single with no kids. However, after multiple decades of trying to fit into that 'nuclear family' mode, I realized that some people are meant to be great on their own."

—45, Maryland

5. "Myth: 'Why don't you want to be married? Are you scared of commitment? There's someone for everyone, you know. Why don't you date my friend (who can't keep a man, is not compatible with me, and is slightly desperate. Bonus points if she has kids she can't afford, so you are more of her future sponsor, not a future spouse).' Reality: I'm single because I don't want just to check off the box of life achievements. I'm more interested in the person, not the paper."

"The 'Me' as a person now is more mature and seasoned than the person I was fresh out of college and was lost on where my life was going. Navigating a relationship would have been difficult at that point in my life. In my singlehood, I have developed many hobbies and been more social than my married friends, who have developed a daily routine of home and work. Ironically, they find my life more exciting since I have fewer responsibilities and more freedom."

—37, Alabama

6. "I have had a wonderful life. I've met and had some wonderful relationships with people that I wouldn't have had a chance to meet if I had gotten married and had kids. After all my adventures, I will have many stories to share if I meet a companion. I never really wanted kids."

—70, USA

7. "I grew up believing that I would get married and have children — it just didn't happen for me. I was engaged twice but knew it wouldn't work out long-term, so I ended those relationships before ever getting married. I have dated occasionally over the years but have not found a compatible man and spend very little time in situations where I meet eligible men. I have zero desire to get married at this stage of my life. I would be open to a male companion — but I'm very OK if it doesn't happen."

"Acquaintances have expressed that they 'feel sorry for me.' I'm very content with my own company, have taken wonderful solo trips, and consciously choose happiness over regrets. I'm surprised that my happy singleness brings out insecurities in some of my married acquaintances — but that's their problem — not mine."

—61, USA

8. "People think you are selfish for wanting a child when you aren't married and not thinking of the child's best interests. That is 100% not true. I have always wanted to be a parent and did become one on my own. It was very tough but well worth it. My son is exceptional."

—48, Montana

9. "The biggest myth of being a lifelong single person is that being single is a tragic circumstance of the unloved, and I've found that to be completely untrue. I wouldn't have lived my life any other way. When I tell people that I've never married and don't have kids, I sometimes receive a look of pity, and that response is always from other women. Men seem to be okay with it. I've even gotten to the point where I tell people I like to spend Christmas Day on my own."

"The family I used to spend Christmas with are no longer alive (parents and a sister). I feel the loss of them acutely at Christmas. And now I'm reinventing Christmas into a day when I do all my favorite Christmas things. Being a lifelong single female has been a struggle at times. There aren't many role models out there, so I've had to navigate without the benefit of any social norm. And I have achieved all my goals when I was young."

—64, Canada

10. "Especially for women, they say you will never have children. Not so. I have 12 nieces and nephews and have been a major influence in at least four of their lives. Also, I have a goddaughter who has been dear to me since she was 14; now she's 45. As a teacher, I helped at least six students through difficult teenage years. If you like children, they will find you, and you will find them at just the right time to make a difference."

—80, Maine

11. "I've never married nor had children. I've always lived alone other than with a few roommates when I was just starting — and I love my life. Recently, I took an end-of-life doula course as a topic of interest and was very surprised at the reaction from classmates (some married, some with children) whenever the teacher described a scenario where a single, childless person was dying alone. 'Oh, how sad, they're dying alone, all by themselves.' Boo hoo. I finally spoke up (as a single, childless person), explaining that I intended to die alone and that I wasn't interested in having a crowd around me as I checked out for good. It was insulting to be the focus of so much pity simply because my lifestyle differed from theirs."

"I think the end-of-life scenario is an interesting and untapped narrative for adults who never married. Many of us made the choice consciously, so it makes sense that we would continue to follow our chosen path to the end. To all those who chose the path of marriage, please recognize that your way isn't the only way. "

—62, Canada

12. "I've been single for my entire life. I don't envy those who are in a relationship and/or those who have kids. I value my independence, freedom, and the resulting autonomy. I'm not worried about someone else's mood or agenda and/or their not respecting me. I love my privacy, the quiet, and no drama."

"I never made enough money to afford to support kids. I love not having to compromise with someone else chronically."

—56, New Mexico

13. "I CHOSE to stay single because I felt it was best for me, and I was asked two 'ridiculous' questions: 1) You don't believe in marriage and parenthood? 2) Why do you want to deprive your parents of the joys of grandparenthood?"

"I DO believe in marriage and parenthood, but it's NOT for everyone, and I didn't 'deprive' my parents of anything! My paternal grandmother was one of seven kids, and two of her brothers never married. I was even told by a former co-worker that I would change my mind because 'everyone does,' but that never happened to me!"

—56, Rhode Island

14. "That being single equates to being lonely. There's a huge difference between being ALONE and being LONELY in a relationship. Sadly, many people stay in bad relationships because times are tough. Yeah, it's sad when I think all my friends are married, but it's not for everyone. I would never tie my identity to someone as this is what marriage ends up doing."

"Growing up with divorced parents and now with all my friends following the marriage route, I don't see many happy marriages; even my younger brother went through a terrible divorce. During COVID, there was a huge spike in divorce rates. No, thanks. It doesn't make anyone a bad person. Things happen, people change, and you move on living your best life. It's just easier to be single than to be a statistic in marriage ."

—36, Minnesota

15. "It just depends on the person. Single life is fine for some people. As I've been told and tell others, just do you. It's what YOU want to do, not what others tell you. If it makes you happy, then more power to you. Enough said."

—73, Texas

And finally...

16. "I'm older, and after failed relationships for many reasons, I've decided that it's me-time about 10 years ago. I can do what I want, eat what I want, my friends and I see one another regularly and talk daily in a group chat. I do have children, but they are adults and on their own. I enjoy the peace and quiet of reading a book, watching a good movie, cooking a good meal, or just going for a walk. Life as an older, unmarried single is nice. I don't mind it at all."

"My kids help me if I need them for heavy things or whatever. If there's something that they can't make it to do, I can hire someone to do it for me. I enjoy lawn cutting and snow shoveling, but some people would do it for you if I didn't. Life is about being happy, and I'm now as happy as I've ever been in my life. "

—Anonymous

Older adults who never got married, what are some other misconceptions about your life that more people should know? Feel free to tell us in the comments below. Or, if you prefer to remain anonymous, you could use this Google form .

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.