<body><div><img src="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?type=thumbnail_580x000&amp;url=0URnb8_0wE89N1p00" alt="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?url=0URnb8_0wE89N1p00" width="400" height="398" >What do all of the scenarios below have in common? Your boss repeatedly contacts you after hours and on weekends. Your partner has a habit of adding food to your plate after you’ve stated that you are full and no longer wish to continue eating. You’ve confided something highly sensitive to a friend, who then proceeds to share it with others. They are, of course, examples of personal boundaries being crossed.When discussing boundaries, more often than not, we’re referring to the “unwritten” guidelines that relate to our own personal space, ones that we’ve established with others in order to feel safe, and that allow our opinion to be respected. Therefore, when someone else has disregarded those boundaries (be they intentional or otherwise), it causes us significant discomfort in one form or another.It’s also important to note that in this context, boundaries aren’t rules; which control someone else’s behavior in order to restrict their independence. In a recent article in Simply Psychology, mental health writer Anna Drescher cites an excellent analogy used by Psychologist Sarah Davies when distinguishing the difference between the two: “Boundaries are like a garden fence where you are the garden. You can see and communicate with people over the fence, but it provides safety and security for people to see and understand. Rules are more like building a fence around the other person. You enclose them into a space you think is appropriate, and if they break the fence (the rules), they’ll be punished.”Additionally, when boundaries have been breached, there’s a level of disrespect being exerted, whereby someone has chosen to ignore or violate the established protocols, acting as if your opinion and needs are irrelevant to the situation. For me, looking back to those key relationships in life when I felt most disrespected (both personal and professional), one particular theme seems to be consistent throughout; my choice to be non-confrontational with that individual. Naturally, this leaves the door wide open for others to take advantage.By neglecting to communicate what was unacceptable to me in that moment, my resentment would grow exponentially with each subsequent encounter of a similar nature. Not wanting to rock the proverbial boat, eventually things would snowball and lead to a contentious, emotional clash that frequently left me depleted. It clearly was a pattern that needed to be addressed, but I struggled to do so in a timely, consistent manner.Oftentimes, our initial response when experiencing these types of scenarios is to place blame on the other person. By absolving ourselves of any responsibility, we are essentially avoiding accountability. But as Drescher later points out in her piece: “It’s not about blame – it’s about empowerment. When you take ownership, you don’t rely on the other person to change, and you can protect yourself by knowing that the only person you can control is you. Once you are clear on this, setting and maintaining boundaries is much easier.”Indeed, once I began looking inward and reflecting upon the role that my words and actions (or lack thereof), played in these relationships, the frequency of what I call “boundary breakers” began to steadily subside. Respectful communication from both parties is critical if the relationship is to be valued and maintained. My taking a passive, non-verbal role when certain boundaries were breached didn’t help either of us in the long run, and most certainly thwarted any chance for growth. It’s an old habit that I’m not looking to repeat anytime soon.<h2>Keep Independent News on the East End</h2>The Beacon is able to provide all of our content online free of charge thanks to support from our readers. Be a vital part of keeping our community informed!</div></body>

Mountain View, CA

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Dave’s Desk@Ditch: The Importance of Establishing Boundaries

What do all of the scenarios below have in common?. Your boss repeatedly contacts you after hours and on weekends. Your partner has a habit of adding food to your plate after you’ve stated that you are full and no longer wish to continue eating. You’ve confided something highly sensitive to a friend, who then proceeds to share it with others. They are, of course, examples of personal boundaries being crossed.