<div>Oct. 25—GRAND FORKS — A new school year is underway, and with it comes the potential for bullying to make life difficult — possibly miserable — for some kids. But parents can play a huge part in lessening the impact of bullying, said Kevan Greene, a psychotherapist with Altru Health System.And much of it boils down to nurturing a strong relationship and rapport with your child, to build a sense of self-worth and keep open the lines of communication, Greene said.That approach is helpful not only for the child who is bullied, but also for the one who engages in bullying behavior."I don't want to vilify the person who bullies — they're a person," he said. "I really think bad behaviors come from feeling bad."Building a child's self-esteem is critical, Greene said."Some kids say, 'My mom and dad say they love me all the time,'" he noted. But if the child is in a home where that is not happening, that child, who feels bad, may use bullying to make someone else feel bad.The more parents engage with their children, in activities such as "basketball, video games or theater, that then lessens the need to reach out" in unhealthy ways like bullying, he said.Greene, who grew up in East Grand Forks, graduated from East Grand Forks Senior High in 2003. A licensed clinical social worker, he earned undergraduate and master's degrees in social work from UND. He has been practicing at Altru for six years."Based on my clinical experience, many or all of us will experience bullying sometime in our lives," said Greene, who typically sees kids who are 12 years of age and older, as well as facilitates group sessions.Bullying may be situational, occurring once or twice, he said, or it may last for years, he said.For the child who is being bullied, Greene cautions "well-intentioned parents and teachers" against trying to minimize it or make comparisons to their own past experiences.A more effective response, he said, is "meeting the child where they're at, saying something like, 'That sounds really difficult.'"Bullying is "a learned behavior," Greene said. "We are not born to treat people that way. It (stems from) the experiences we take in. (The child who bullies) may have observed that type of behavior in others, or find some kind of gain (in doing it)."The means of bullying has changed over time, especially given social media, Greene said. "Cyberbullying really wasn't a thing 10 or 15 years ago, give or take."Studies reveal that social media has contributed to cyberbullying, a type of aggression carried out through electronic means, such as through the internet, email or mobile devices.Those who use social media to bully "are able to say these things without having an immediate response," Greene said. "You can say these things and not hear or see the reaction."Social media provides platforms that kids want to go on, and a lot of bullying can occur on these platforms, some of which are unregulated, he said.A few risk factors may make some kids more susceptible to bullying, according to the National Institutes of Health. Some of these factors include: appearing to be different from their peers, being perceived as weak or unable to defend themselves, having low self-esteem, diminished popularity, not socializing well with others and having disabilities.Bullying can affect physical and emotional health, both in the short term and later in life, according to the NIH. It can lead to physical injury, social and emotional problems, and even death. Those who are bullied are at increased risk for mental health problems, headaches and problems adjusting to school.Bullying also can cause long-term damage to self-esteem and "lead to disrupting other relationships," Greene said.In the worst cases, bullying can lead to depression, acts of self harm and suicidal ideation.The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that suicide is the second leading cause of death in people ages 15 to 24 in the United States. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts can call 988, the Suicide Prevention Hotline, to have a secure chat with a trained counselor.Bullying behavior increases in middle school, which "tends to be a time when a child is feeling most vulnerable," Greene said. "It's a time to find oneself and a time to find out how to fit in — and this can flow into high school."A child may feel insecure and want to make somebody else feel that way, he said."Some of us grow and develop socially and emotionally in different ways," he said. "I also see (bullying) dissipate. When we get older, it kind of lessens, because we find our self worth."Results of the 2021 Middle School Youth Risk Behavior Study show that, among Grand Forks area seventh- and eighth-graders, 43.4% of students had been bullied on school property, compared to 38.7% statewide. A total of 28.3% said they had been electronically bullied, via texting, Instagram, Facebook or other social media, compared to 29.2% statewide.The 2021 YRBS survey of Red River High School showed that 7.6% of students had been bullied on school property in the past 12 months, compared to 15.8% statewide. And that 8.4% had been electronically bullied in the past 12 months, compared to 11% statewide. The other Grand Forks high schools were not surveyed in 2021.Results from the 2023 YRBS are not yet available.Signs parents can watch for that may suggest their child is being bullied include changes in sleep patterns; angry outbursts; a decrease in academic performance; and changes in eating patterns, such as eating too much (emotional eating) or eating way less than usual, Greene said.Other signs include: suddenly quitting a sport the child enjoyed; seeking to isolate, such as staying in their room a lot; exhibiting avoidance, such as not wanting to attend school and faking illness to avoid school; and a decrease in personal hygiene and reduced interest in personal grooming, such as how they look and what they wear.If parents think their child is being bullied, give the child the opportunity to open up, Greene said. "And you must be willing to listen." Parents tend to want to "fix things," but talking with your child, and really listening, may be a better approach.Seek ways to bring up the topic in a "natural way — go for a walk or find a way to take an extra-long car ride," he said. "Some of the great conversations can happen, and that's when you're going to find out."It's also important to know the best time to bring up the topic of bullying, he said. Don't bombard the child right after school; "give them time to decompress."In broaching the subject, "the child may say something like, 'It's not a big deal, Mom,'" Greene said. "If you don't have that rapport, that relationship, it's going to be difficult" to get them to open up.Because a child who's bullied may feel shame or guilt, assuring them "that they did nothing wrong really opens up that avenue" of communication, he said.In school environments, "there's a kind of strength in numbers," Greene said, suggesting that the bullied child should "try to be around a teacher or an adult, or a group of students, as often as they can.""It's so important that the child has self-confidence and the self-worth to speak up for themselves" when they are bullied or when they witness it, Greene said, and "have a trusted person they can talk to.""If the child chooses to be direct with the bully, it doesn't mean they're aggressive," he said. "They can say, 'I deserve good things and I deserve to be seen in a positive light."They can also use "I feel" statements, Greene said, "such as, 'I feel sad when you throw corn in the cafeteria.' That is a very effective way to express themselves."Also encouraging "self-care and positive self-talk is a great way to provide a child with insulation from bullying and lessen its impact," he said.</div>

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Parents can have a big impact in insulating kids from bullying, says Grand Forks health professional

Oct. 25—GRAND FORKS — A new school year is underway, and with it comes the potential for bullying to make life difficult — possibly miserable — for some kids. But parents can play a huge part in lessening the impact of bullying, said Kevan Greene, a psychotherapist with Altru Health System.