NC Council on Developmental Disabilities voices how to have healthy independent relationships as people with disabilities

The NC Council on Developmental Disabilities (NCCDD) Self-Advocate Discussion Series focused their June workshop on relationships for people with Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities.

According to a release, the Council emphasizes the value of people with disabilities building and maintaining relationships with NC legislators and decision-makers while bridging connections and a network among NC self-advocates.

The event centered around understanding what healthy relationships should feel like and featured three couples who wanted to share their advice and perspective.

NCCDD Policy Education Coordinator Chris Hendricks facilitated the discussion alongside special guest Max Barrows of Elevatus Training. The couples and individuals who shared their stories included R.V. and Marlene Kuser, Heather Smith and Chris Hendricks, and Cheryl (and William) Powell. “Our panelists showed our community the ups and downs of a loving relationship when I/DD is a factor,” said Hendricks.

R.V. and Marlene Kuser have been married for several decades. R.V. has been diagnosed with autism. They shared their love story and the road that it took to make their relationship a success.

The Kusers shared that it takes time to foster and understand the dynamics between two people coming together in a partnership. This involves making up for one another’s strengths. When times are difficult, they share the importance of keeping it light and upbeat. “We laugh with each other,” said Marlene.

Chris Hendricks and his partner Heather Smith talked about the recognition of one’s feelings separately while remaining open in communication with each other.

“Particularly for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, I think it’s really important that we ground ourselves again and root ourselves in our strengths, our ability to empathize, our ability to connect in a world that is very very disconnected.”

Hendricks continued, “Our ability to love in our own way really is special.”

They shared the hardships that can go on when people with I/DD date at any age as their parents may have to leave their role as a caregiver physically and/or emotionally. Parents have to be lovingly encouraged to foster independence for their children in a safe environment.

“There’s this level of personal growth when you add another person into your life and relationship. And it is a dismembering from your mom and dad and your family and what it is you used to know because you’re adding in this other entity into your being and into your world,” said Smith.

Cheryl Powell noted that it is not a simple process for people when it comes to ableism in our world. “Most people with disabilities are so sheltered to the point that they’re not allowed to have a relationship.”

Powell says that the key to overcoming this issue is to stand up for yourself and take on your own responsibilities when you can. “Do your absolute best to gain your independence.”

“It’s not easy being the one cared for just like it’s not easy being the caregiver,” said Powell.

However, Powell has found a new and satisfying life from her healthy marriage. “People say marriage is hard and I say, ‘no it’s not,’ because what I mean by that it’s not when you meet the right person. Life is difficult but the marriage is not.”

“Find the person that allows you to be genuinely who you are,” she said.

Following your heart to enter kind relationships and being able to walk away from ones that are unkind are necessary. Relationships after all are a very human experience and essential part of life.

“We are people in every sense of the word,” said Powell.