Ellen DeGeneres Admits Being Called 'Mean' Was 'Devastating' and 'Consumed Her for a Long Time' After Toxic Workplace Scandal

Ellen DeGeneres is ready to let go of any negative feelings four years after toxic workplace allegations plagued her career.

During her latest stand-up special , For Your Approval , which premiered globally on Netflix on Tuesday, September 24, the famed comedian, 66, opened up about the emotional battle she faced after a bombshell report from 2020 exposed The Ellen DeGeneres Show staffers' allegedly harmful experiences working on the set of her hit series .

"When you're a public figure, you're open to everyone’s interpretation. And I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that, 'What other people think of me is none of my business.' Because people will say all kinds of things and you have no control over that. But you know the truth and that’s all that matters," DeGeneres expressed during her recent Netflix comedy special .

The Finding Nemo voice actor continued: "If they like you, you’re in, and if they don’t, you’re out. And I’ve spent an entire lifetime trying to make people happy and I’ve cared far too much what other people think of me. So, the thought of anyone thinking that I’m mean was devastating to me, and it consumed me for a long time ."

"After a lifetime of caring, I just can’t anymore. So I don’t," DeGeneres declared.

"But if I’m being honest… and I have a choice of people remembering me as someone who was mean or someone who was beloved. Be-lov-ed? Beloved? Beloved. Someone who is beloved?” she quipped. "I choose that."

Four years after the toxic workplace claims , as well as accusations against producers of racism and sexual misconduct, DeGeneres — whose final episode of her talk show aired in May 2022 — said she has a fresh "perspective" and is "happy not being a boss or a brand or a billboard, just a person."

"Just a multifaceted person with different feelings and emotions, and I can be happy and sad and compassionate or frustrated," DeGeneres explained. "I have OCD and ADD. I’m honest. I’m generous. I’m sensitive and thoughtful. But I’m tough, and I’m impatient, and I’m demanding. I’m direct. I’m a strong woman."

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During the comedy show, which was filmed at Minneapolis’s Orpheum Theatre in August, DeGeneres also addressed how this was "the second time" she was "kicked out of show business," referring to how she was shunned by Hollywood in the '90s after coming out as a lesbian on her sitcom series Ellen and during an appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show .

"We have all these unwritten rules, based on gender, of acceptable behavior, of who we’re allowed to be, how we’re allowed to act. And if we don’t follow those rules, it makes people uncomfortable. And if people are uncomfortable, there are consequences," DeGeneres added.