As we observe Independence Day, we most often think of celebrating the freedom that is the foundation of our American way of life.
The Declaration of Independence says all people are created equal and have rights that include life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It was created by a group of individuals who surely disagreed at times but could still come together to create a document expressing the ideals on which our nation was founded.
These individuals recognized all of us have the right to live our lives, free of the burden of oppression, and to pursue our dreams. They recognized the rights of the individual within the larger community. In documenting the reasons for separation, they demonstrated the dire consequences of violating the rules of civility.
Our Oshkosh Civility Project encourages the practice of civility by recognizing the worth of every individual working together to create a stronger, healthier community. The project is based on P.M. Forni’s work, “Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct.” Our goal is to raise awareness of the concepts and practices of civility, as well as understand their benefits to us all.
When we choose to pay attention to those around us, listen well and make efforts to include all community members, we become stronger through our diversity.
When we refrain from gossip, show respect even when we disagree and focus on areas of agreement, we communicate more productively and problem-solve more effectively.
When we exercise the courage to apologize when we are wrong or make a mistake, contribute to the conversation through constructive feedback and suggestions, and accept responsibility for our actions, we participate honestly and authentically in making our home a better place for us all to live safely and grow to our highest potential.
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It seems as if our current conception of independence puts the wishes of the individual over the good of the group as a whole. I focus on my right to life, liberty and pursuit of my happiness, with no thought for how my actions may infringe on the rights of my neighbor, rather than recognizing all people are equally afforded these rights. We believe we are free to do whatever we want and follow every impulse, no matter how those around us are affected. These views and the actions that often result create stress, negative conflict and disharmony. They weaken our society.
Some may mistake practicing civility by considering how our actions affect others and making decisions for the good of society as a whole as a threat to our freedom of self-expression. Dr. Forni speaks to these fears when he writes: “The emphasis on individual rights and entitlements in advanced democracies makes self-control particularly relevant to us. It is in part to prevent the massive intervention of government and the law in our everyday lives that we are expected to develop a civil discipline. As a system of self-regulation, civility assures the survival of self-determination. It is nothing less than the lifeblood of democracies.”
So, as we celebrate our independence, we can choose to consider how our actions affect those in our homes, in our neighborhoods and in any group in which we are a member. We can exercise our freedom of choice to improve our relationships, strengthen our communities and even protect the future of our democracy. It is within our control to do our part with each decision we make to practice civility and to express our right to influence each other and our world in the most positive way for all of us.
Stephanie Steinfort is a core team member of the Oshkosh Civility Project. For more information, visit OshkoshCivilityProject.org. Financial support may be sent to Oshkosh Area Community Foundation, memo line marked Civility Project, and is appreciated.
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