When you're not thrilled with your workout, a reset of your stopwatch lets you start fresh. Is your phone giving you a headache? A tap lets you reset the device to its factory settings (pro tip: back it up first). Wouldn't it be nice if we could do the same with our relationships—to return to those first few months of dating when you had butterflies in your stomach every time the phone pinged and date nights happened multiple times per week?
While more involved than pressing a button or tapping a home screen, a seven-day relationship reset can serve a similar purpose. Unfamiliar with the idea of a seven-day reset?
"A seven-day relationship reset is a structured, intentional period where couples focus on reconnecting emotionally, physically and mentally," explains Dr. Molly Burrets, Ph.D. , a licensed clinical psychologist of 16 years specializing in couples therapy and women’s mental health. "It helps shift relationship dynamics by breaking away from routine and dedicating time to nurturing your bond."
A reset may sound like a slam dunk, especially if you're in a relationship rut or fighting constantly. Dr. Burrets shares why trying one can be beneficial (and when it may not be enough), and a day-by-day playbook for a seven-day relationship reset.
Related: 'I've Been a Couples Therapist for Over 20 Years, Here's One of the Biggest Relationship Myths I Wish Everyone Would Stop Believing'
What a Seven-Day Relationship Reset Does
A seven-day relationship reset is an intentional week-long commitment that can have long-term benefits. Dr. Burrets says some primary perks of this exercise include:
Reflection and reconnection
You might feel like you're simply going through the motions of a relationship as if it's a basic morning hygiene routine (rinse face, wash hair, repeat the next day). It can get stale.
"An intentional, structured and protected period that can pull couples out of autopilot and offer couples an opportunity to mindfully consider the relationship and its areas of strength as well as opportunities for growth," Dr. Burrets says.
Create new habits
Dr. Burrets says a reset can refresh routines and mindsets and reignite a couple's spark.
Break negative cycles
Creating new habits is useful, but you'll do more than that during your week-long commitment.
"Couples often get stuck in harmful patterns that play out over and over again," Dr. Burrets says. "A reset offers the chance to break negative cycles by introducing novel tasks that challenge the status quo."
Related: Cut Out the Silence! 200 Questions Every Couple Should Ask Each Other
How To Do a 7-Day Relationship Reset, According to a Couple's Therapist
Day 1: Practice self-care
On day one, Dr. Burrets suggests focusing on individual self-care activities like exercise, mindfulness practices, a hobby or resting.
Surprised? Don't be. You know the adage about "putting your oxygen mask on first?" It applies to a seven-day relationship reset—Dr. Burrets says connecting with yourself is essential so you're in the right state of mind to reconnect with your main squeeze.
"Couples will best set themselves up for success for their reset if they are able to approach the week with extra bandwidth, a relaxed attitude and a healthy body," Dr. Burrets says. "Many couples find that it takes a full day dedicated to their well-being to achieve this state."
Day 2: Reflect and share
Day two will also begin with individual work. Now that you're in the right state of mind, Dr. Burrets suggests that you and yours take personal time to reflect for about 30 minutes on the aspects of the relationship you appreciate and the ones you'd like to improve. Then, come back together for a relaxed discussion, letting each person share what they wrote without interruption.
Dr. Burrets loves that this exercise lays a foundation for positive changes because it recognizes areas where the relationship is strong and has room to grow with openness and vulnerability.
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Day 3-4: Reconnect physically
Sex can be an important part of a relationship, but that's not what Dr. Burrets is getting at here.
"Physical touch and non-sexual intimacy are often neglected, but they help strengthen the bond and create a sense of safety and affection," Dr. Burrets says. "Prioritize physical reconnection by engaging in simple physical touch like hand-holding, cuddling or giving each other a massage. Plan a special date night that feels intimate."
Day 5: Express gratitude
You're more than halfway through your seven-day reset, and hopefully, you're seeing the good in one another. Make sure the other person knows that. Dr. Burrets recommends writing down five things about your partner you are grateful for and sharing them verbally or in a note (whichever feels more comfortable).
Dedicate time in the morning or evening to exchange these notes or verbal affirmations, making sure to focus on meaningful, heartfelt examples," she says. "Expressing gratitude fosters positivity and counteracts negative biases that might have developed over time. It builds emotional resilience in the relationship."
Related: 25 Relationship Check-In Questions for You and Your Partner
Day 6: Try a shared activity
Relationship resets can double as a refresh.
"New experiences stimulate bonding and create fresh, shared memories," Dr. Burrets says. "It shifts focus away from the mundane and can bring excitement and novelty back into the relationship."
Dr. Burrets recommends trying something new that neither of you has done before, like cooking a dish or visiting a new place. She also suggests choosing the activity in advance, leaning into a sense of open-mindedness and adventure.
Day 7: Recommit
You did the work. Now seal the deal as you step forward—hand in hand.
Dr. Burrets suggests carving out 30 to 60 minutes for an uninterrupted conversation about the future, including what each of you wants to keep, ditch and build on moving forward.
"Concluding the reset with a forward-looking conversation solidifies the progress made," Dr. Burrets says. "It encourages ongoing commitment to growth."
Related: 6 Things a Relationship Therapist Is Begging Couples To Stop Doing
What To Do if You Need More Help
Sometimes, a seven-day reset really is too good to be true.
"Seven-day resets are not a cure-all, especially for couples in crisis," Dr. Burrets says.
She adds that deep-rooted underlying issues, an inability to fully commit to the seven-day reset because of time constraints, or emotional bandwidth and communication-style differences may require more, longer-term help.
"If your challenges feel overwhelming, couple’s therapy or relationship coaching can help facilitate deeper understanding and growth," Dr. Burrets suggests.
However, even a couple's therapist or relationship coach can't fix all of your problems. According to Dr. Burrets, other ways to improve your relationship beyond a seven-day reset include:
- Practice active listening without interrupting or preparing a response
- Establishing and respecting your own boundaries (and your partner's)
- Focusing on small, daily acts of kindness toward one another to rebuild emotional intimacy
- Continuing to work on individual growth (and cheer on your partner as they embark on their self-improvement journey)
"Sometimes, the root of relationship issues comes from personal insecurities or unresolved past issues," Dr. Burrets says.
Resetting yourself may put you in a better state of mind to genuinely reset your relationship.
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Source:
Local News
