Passion is something that many of us correlate with a strong partnership. However, it could be easy for some people to confuse drama, defensiveness and other high-energy red flags for "passion" with their significant other. To clearly tell the difference, we've gathered up 15 signs of an emotionally immature romantic relationship, according to psychologists.
We've all been there—that relationship that just doesn't seem to grow up. But how can you tell if your romance is stuck in its teenage years ? We asked top psychologists to weigh in on the telltale signs (and toxic behaviors ) of an emotionally immature marriage or dating relationship. Buckle up, lovebirds—it's time for a reality check!
Related: 25 Red Flags That Signify a Toxic Relationship, According to Psychotherapists
15 Signs of an Emotionally Immature Romantic Relationship, According to Psychologists
1. The Blame Game Is Strong
According to Stephanie Manes , a psychotherapist who teaches couples therapy at Columbia University, mature partners understand that relationships are a "dance of mutuality." If you're constantly pointing fingers, it might be time to look in the mirror.
"Are they willing to see their part in things, or do they need a villain and a victim?" Manes asks.
Related: 5 Phrases a Relationship Therapist Is Begging Couples To Stop Using ASAP
2. Accountability? What's That?
Jennifer Vincent, LMHC , owner of Therapy for Cycle Breakers , warns that a lack of accountability is a major red flag. "Excuses are common and show immaturity," she explains. If your partner's go-to move is blaming others for their mistakes, they might be stuck in emotional puberty.
Related: 5 Unexpected Signs *You* Might Be the Toxic One in a Relationship—Plus, How To Break Free From the Behaviors
3. Emotions Are a Roller Coaster
Does your partner freak out over small things, like their favorite yogurt being out of stock? Alison McKleroy , LMFT, and author, says this is a sign of immaturity .
"Mature people are better able to tolerate stress and appropriately express their emotions in challenging situations," she explains. Time to put on those big-kid pants!
4. Communication? More Like Miscommunication
Mario Palacios , LMFT , points out that unhealthy communication , like stonewalling or " the silent treatment ," is a huge problem. "When issues do not get resolved, resentment grows," he warns. So, if your partner clams up faster than a New England shoreline, it might be time for a heart-to-heart.
Related: 25 Relationship Check-In Questions for You and Your Partner
5. Vulnerability Is Scarier Than a Horror Movie
Vincent notes that emotionally immature partners struggle with sharing deeper parts of themselves, often deflecting questions about their feelings.
Related: 11 Phrases That Emotionally Immature People Often Say, According to Mental Health Experts
6. Grudges Are a Favorite Accessory
Holding onto grudges like they're the last slice of pizza? Palacios says this is a sure sign of immaturity.
"This resentment makes negative feelings continue to fester," he explains. Time to let it go, Elsa-style!
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7. Jealousy is All Around
Dr. Deborah Gilman , owner of Fox Chapel Psychological Services , warns that excessive jealousy and possessiveness are red flags. "These behaviors often stem from a lack of trust in the relationship and a fear of abandonment," she says.
Related: 6 Signs You Have an Emotionally Immature Partner and How to Deal, According to a Psychologist
8. Commitment Allergies
Commitment-phobes, beware! Gilman points out that avoiding serious conversations about the future is a sign of emotional immaturity.
"They might avoid serious conversations about the future or make excuses for not taking the relationship to the next level," she says.
Related: 4 Healthy Expectations To Have in Your Relationship, According to a Psychologist
9. Trouble Accessing Empathy
McKleroy notes that immature people have difficulty understanding someone else's point of view. If you or your partner's empathy level is lower than the floor, it's time for some serious growth.
10. Constantly Seeking Validation
Gilman warns that an excessive need for validation is a sign of emotional immaturity. "They may constantly seek reassurance, relying on their partner's approval to feel secure," she explains.
Related: 6 Ways Being a People-Pleaser Can Ruin Your Relationships, According to Therapists
11. Emotion Regulation Is a Challenge
Vincent points out that people in emotionally immature romantic relationships often struggle with handling their emotions well .
"They are often stressed, irritable, maybe they have anger issues or yell, but don't seem to do anything to manage these feelings," she explains.
12. Gaslighting Is a Go-To Move
Palacios warns about partners who use gaslighting to avoid blame.
"They may use gaslighting as a way of keeping themselves blameless for issues in the relationship," he explains.
Related: 11 Subtle Signs of Gaslighting To Look for in Your Relationship
13. Stuck in Black and White Thinking
Manes explains that mature individuals can see nuance. "We all make a fundamental leap in the maturation of our psychological structure when we move from black and white thinking to accepting that we are all both good and bad," she says.
Related: 11 Small Things That Happy, Healthy Couples Always Do, According to a Therapist
14. Conflict Resolution Looks Like a Battlefield
Gilman notes that people in emotionally immature romantic relationships often struggle with healthy conflict resolution. "They may deflect responsibility by using tactics like defensiveness or gaslighting, rather than working toward resolution," she explains.
Related: 'I've Been a Couples Therapist for Over 20 Years, Here's One of the Biggest Relationship Myths I Wish Everyone Would Stop Believing'
15. Allergic to Serious Conversations
McKleroy points out that immature people often avoid deep discussions.
"During serious conversations or conflicts, immature people may change the topic, use distraction, laugh or make jokes to avoid their discomfort," she explains.
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