No mom-shaming in the mornings.
Fact checked by Sari Hitchins Fact checked by Sari Hitchins Our world loves to apply labels to moms. There are black SUV moms, white SUV moms , Venmo moms , PTA moms, gummy bear moms , and almond moms…the list goes on. And, it seems, these labels only intensify when kids (and their parents) enter the wild world of elementary school.
Take, for example: This video, which characterizes the “two types of moms at school drop-off.” Mom A is frazzled, a blur of messy hair and barely contained coffee in hand. She gets in the car, repeats the phrase “we’re late” a few times (#relatable), and then realizes she doesn’t have her keys. Been there.
Mom B, though? She has it all together. She’s dressed up, pleasant, and tells her happy kids “It’s going to be a great day!”.
Honestly, We All Have Our 'Mom A' Moments
What’s interesting here is that it’s one person portraying both archetypes—which is fitting, because I think most of us have felt like both of these women at one point or another. Some days, we rock the morning routine, other days it rocks us.
One commenter says it best: “This is a trick question. Does Mom B actually exist on a daily level, not just the one morning where it feels like you won the lottery because all the stars aligned and everyone was in a good mood and ready?”
Most other commenters agree: They can be either Mom A or Mom B depending on the day.
I’m a mom of two new kindergarteners. I’m also very much *not* a morning person. Our mornings aren’t always calm and peaceful, but we’ve found ways to minimize the chaos.
For example, I know that certain things (namely packing lunches, choosing outfits, and assembling backpacks) need to be done the night before in order for us to feel somewhat prepared for the day ahead.
My husband and I both work from home, so we both do our part in getting the kids out the door, but the reality is things still go haywire from time to time.
Chaotic Mornings Don't Always Equal Bad Days
Some days, my kids and I spend half an hour snuggling in bed before it’s time to get ready. Sometimes we read after breakfast. Sometimes we have a dance party. Other times we have no time for any of that.
I can’t help but feel guilty about not giving my children a blissful start to every day. And I even wonder if the stress of scrambling in the morning will affect their entire day. It turns out that’s a valid concern.
“Children pick up on a parent's mood more than you think. They can feel when you are anxious or irritable, even when you think you are disguising it,” says Sanam Hafeez, PsyD, a New York City-based neuropsychologist. “If the morning routine feels like a cyclone, this can set the course for an emotionally unstable day.”
In light of that, anything you can easily do to reduce the stress of weekday mornings is worthwhile. Reena B. Patel , a parenting expert and positive psychologist, offers a bit of advice on how to do that.
Happy kids come by avoiding hangry kids
Having a few consistent breakfast options is key. This morning, I tried giving my kids smoothies they’ve never tried before. Big mistake. Our morning was definitely more stressful because the kids took a few minutes trying to decide whether they liked the smoothies before declaring that they did, in fact, not. They also spent time blowing smoothie bubbles with their straws, which was lots of fun for them only.
Pro tip: For mornings like today, I like to stash a box of granola bars in the car. Patel also suggests meal-prepping kid-approved breakfasts ahead of time to streamline each morning. After all, getting into an argument about what you’ll be eating before making said breakfast is just not a relaxing way to start the day.
Give yourself plenty of time
Even if you have everything in order, things are going to feel stressful in the morning if you don’t give yourself enough time.
“Being ahead of schedule also gives your children a stress-free morning,” says Patel. “Rushing out the door with seconds to spare isn’t a great start. Establishing a routine and being ahead of schedule can make a world of a difference in anyone’s day. Including us as parents.”
Try setting your alarm to go off 30 minutes earlier, or setting the clocks ahead 15 minutes. That little bit of grace period might be just the timing adjustment you need.
Use the drive time as decompress time
Emotions can certainly get hot, especially during late, stressful mornings. You'll likely be in some traffic anyway, so try using the commute time to take a breath, decompress, and recalibrate so you can say "goodbye" to the kids on a high (at least not as low) note.
“If your children like music, ask them if they want to hear their favorite song. Engage them in fun conversation,” Hafeez advises. “Ask them what they are looking forward to after school that day. When they leave the car, hug them, or show some form of physical affection.”
At The End (Or Beginning) of the Day, Keep Doing Your Best
You’re probably doing a better job than you think you are. Stress and chaos are natural parts of life, and even more natural parts of parenting. And contrary to the messages you see on social media, you’re not a “hot mess mom” because you’re not wearing a cute outfit or maintaining perfect composure every morning.
“Even the most ‘perfect’ parents have chaotic mornings,” says Hafeez. “That is the nature of life. Sometimes, no matter how much you prepare, unforeseen situations arise.”
Hafeez adds that each family faces their own set of challenges, and we as parents don't need to add comparison to the list.
“Don't compare your family to somebody else's or buy into the idea of perfection that another parent might try to sell you,” she says.
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