Goldie Hawn Wants Parents to Prioritize Mental Health—'You Can't Take Care Of Your Kids If You Don't Take Care Of Yourself!'

The iconic actress talks about how MindUP is changing the way families handle big emotions.

More than 20 years ago, Oscar-winning actress, producer, director, and author, Goldie Hawn founded MindUP , an initiative providing kids (and adults) the tools to regulate emotions, build resilience, and understand how the brain works. She brought the science-based social-emotional curriculum into schools and it’s since been taught to over 7 million children around the world.

Hawn was light years ahead of the times. Just this past August, the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory on the mental health and well-being of parents. It highlighted the “urgent need to better support parents, caregivers, and families to help our communities thrive.”

Hawn’s work empowers children and adults to take control of their mental health .

Science-Based Research and Tactics

I was honored to have the opportunity to chat with Hawn as I've admired her as a mother, actress, and activist since I was a kid. She's an amazing role model for other parents because she deeply understands that we’re in crisis.

Much of her philosophy and tactics for reducing stress are rooted in science-based research that’s easy to implement. A favorite is simply taking time to sit and breathe for just three minutes, three times a day.

“Three minutes of quieting the mind by breathing and just sitting down helps to gather yourself in a way that the brain actually likes,” says Hawn. “It brings a period of peace, relaxing the amygdala, the center of the brain, which is the emotional part. It allows what we call the executive function to come up, make sense of what we're doing, and become more self-aware. For children and adults, it helps you become better at analyzing and critical thinking.”

The Damaging Effects of 9-11 and COVID-19

Hawn is the mother to four grown children (Oliver Hudson, Kate Hudson, Wyatt Russell, and Boston Russell) and has eight grandchildren. She started MindUP in 2003, not long after the shocking attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001.

That's when Hawn made a devastating discovery: the third leading cause of death for children ages 10-15 years old was suicide . “It freaked me out. What was going on with our kids?” shares Hawn.

Sadly, today, our kids are still in crisis due to the COVID-19 pandemic .

“The experience of COVID had a very negative effect on our children's brain development . The science there says two years of development of our children's brains was lost, which is really important for socialization,” Hawn explains. “Now kids are depressed, addicted to social media, and not really meeting their friends to go out and play together. . .Those connections were not being made [because of Covid].”

But make no mistake, Hawn knows parents were deeply affected by the isolation of the pandemic too.

“Parents are anxious, they're lonely, they're fearful, they're having their own issues. It’s very hard when you are in that position, and you aren't as able to be present for your children,” she says. “But the problem is the world around us is also uncertain. Whether it's money, familial issues, or wars that are going on—there’s uncertainty everywhere you turn. . . When a mom is trying to figure out how to help her child, she needs to help herself. We have to learn it's ourselves we must take care of.”

Hawn believes an unhappy parent creates an unhappy child.

Goldie Hawn's Advice For Parents

So how can parents do both—take care of themselves while also helping their children through their mental health struggles? Hawn has some suggestions.

An Attitude of Gratitude

Hawn believes an important act of self-care is to implement a gratitude practice and share it with your family. She says gratitude is powerful.

“Wake up every day and count your blessings. I don't care what it is, but you have to be grateful for something. It could be something that happened. It could be the best hamburger you ever had,” says Hawn. “

She says gratitude works because it can actually change your brain.

"Your neurons start firing in a more optimistic fashion. I call thinking negatively every day the ‘Grand Canyon of Negativity.’ If you keep ruminating on what's wrong, I beg you to just compliment it with something that's actually going right,” she adds.

Listen As Much as You Talk

When your children are going through challenging times—say like the universally difficult teen years —Hawn believes parents can combat some of the negativity simply by listening to them.

“Some don't want to talk when they are becoming teenagers. That's fine, but you want to listen to them,” Hawn says. “Children feel they're talked to all the time, but that we never listen. It's very important to build listening skills for your children. You're there for them, you hear them, they feel heard.”

But Hawn says forgiveness is important too.

“When they slam the door in your face or go, ‘Mom, I hate you,’ you say, ‘I know you hate me, sweetheart, but maybe when you grow up one day you won't,’” shares Hawn. “You've got to know they don't mean that—they're just highly emotional. They want to be a child, and the next minute they want to be independent. It's a complicated time, but one of the greatest in their life, because they're up for anything. They create, they do things on their own, they're learning.”

Find the Light Even in the Darkest Times

You can’t learn without making a mistake (or three). “When your kids do something wrong, turn it into a positive,” suggests Hawn.

She is thankful for the ways her own mom always turned things around, and recounted a very moving story from her childhood.

“I was afraid of the Atom Bomb. It traumatized me because I thought we were all going to die. So, my mom took a book out. She didn't say, ‘Calm down, nothing's going to happen.’ No. She said to me, ‘All right, let's open the book. Here's Russia. Here's America. First of all, they can't even get a bomb over here. Understand, sweetheart, this will help us not go to war. Nobody wants to die. Nobody wants to do these things. They want you to see how far away it is.’”

Hawn remembers the positive effect that conversation had on her.

“Was I still traumatized by the sound of an air raid siren? Yes. But it’s one of the reasons I created MindUP, because September 11th took me back to the days when I was frightened,” says Hawn. “The way we talk to children has to be caring, safe and positive.”

Be Real

This extends beyond discussing global events, but also when talking about matters that affect home lives too.

“A divorce is terrible. I've been through that. My mother's death was terrible. It took me a year to recover, but I never wanted my children to feel that I was not there for them,” says Hawn. “When my mom died, I was depressed but I pulled myself up. I told my kids, ‘I'm not going to always be myself because my mommy died and I'm just sad.’”

And, Hawn emphasizes that always being real with your kids—even with uncomfortable topics—is imperative.

“When my kids were little, I explained to them that ‘drugs will hurt you—but if you experiment and have a terrible time, please come to me. I will help you. Don't feel scared,’" she recalls. “You can't just say, ‘Don't do this and don't do that.’ You have to share with them that you're always there for them.”

Parents, Be Kind to Yourselves

It’s natural for parents to worry about their kids' mental health and prioritize it over their own. But Hawn emphasizes once again that you must take a breath for yourself. For her, that included those three minutes of "Mommy Time."

“I used to say to my kids, ‘I'm listening to classical music, this is Mommy Time,’” Hawn recalls. “I didn't hide from them. When I made mistakes, I told them."

She says the greatest gift in the world is being a parent.

"I don't know anything more important," says Hawn. "We are molding the future. We have a child because we love them and promise to be there for them. We could be there for them in many ways—there isn't just one way. But take care of yourself. You can't take care of your kids if you don't take care of yourself.”

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