Mountain View, CA

Sometimes, in order to heal, we need to navigate painful emotions like grief and shame. However, there is a difference between productive suffering and unproductive suffering. Consent, hope, and control distinguish productive suffering. Sometimes, in order to heal, we need to navigate painful emotions, like grief and shame. However, there...

Productive and Unproductive Suffering

Grief is unpredictable and complex, and feelings of grief can be triggered in unexpected ways. Grieving is not about finding closure but about learning to live with the change. Connecting with others and participating in activities that provide solace are key to processing grief. As members of Gen X, we...

The Problem With Grief

The cover story of Psychology Today this month, “Diagnosed In Adulthood,” made me think back to the timing of my own diagnoses. They all came in adulthood, in my late twenties: anorexia, major depressive disorder (with the modifier of with psychotic features added later), and borderline personality disorder.

Borderline Personality Diagnosis: Two Things That Matter

We’ve all been there—waking up in a cold sweat, with your heart pounding after a nightmare so vivid, that it’s hard to remember what’s real. Whether it’s frantically running from a faceless pursuer, falling from a great height, or being trapped in a room with no escape, these unsettling dreams can linger long after we’ve woken up.

2 Common Nightmares and Their Hidden Meanings

Criticism is damaging because it shifts focus from the issue at hand to the perceived flaws of one's partner. Persistent use of defensiveness only delays addressing problems within the relationship. Contempt conveys to your partner that you consider yourself superior and think very little of them. In 1992, renowned clinical...

The 4 Strongest Predictors of Divorce

Minimizing your feelings or your partner's actions is a lie that can wreak havoc on a relationship. The belief that you can change your partner is a dangerous lie that sets both of you up for disappointment. "We don’t need to talk about that" is one of the most destructive...

The 4 Biggest Lies That Destroy Love

Los Angeles County, CA

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Herbie J Pilato

As the star of TV's Dr. Kildare (NBC, 1961-1966), Richard Chamberlain was a heartthrob for millions of female fans in America and the world. Decades later, the actor transformed into the charismatic king of TV-mini-series with acclaimed productions like the originalShogun (NBC, 1980), and The Thorn Birds (ABC, 1983, in which he played a sexually repressed priest).

The Once Secret Gay Life of Actor Richard Chamberlain ('Dr. Kildare'): 21 Years After He Came Out

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Vision Pet Care

Cats have long been associated with mystery and magic, often depicted as the companions of witches or the guardians of mystical realms. While these associations are steeped in folklore, there are some fascinating abilities that your feline friend might be hiding from you.

The Magical Powers Your Cat Hides from You

Traditional definitions of childhood trauma often miss nuanced relational dynamics that can lead to trauma. The definition of relational trauma can encompass trauma from power-imbalanced, dysfunctional relationships. Vignettes depicting examples of relational trauma can show how subtle and indirect actions cause trauma. In my last post, I shared six reasons...

Relational Trauma: Is This You?

Whenever we need to restrain ourselves, a conflict is going on. Identifying both sides of a conflict can help in melting it. Finding ways for our different parts to work hand in hand could be a key to contentment. A few weeks ago, my wife gave me a copy of...

Do You Ever Have to Restrain Yourself?

Two-faced behavior can be driven by social pressure, fear of rejection, insecurity, and more. Establishing boundaries, communicating your needs, and grounding yourself combat troubling behavior. Making a list of self-care practices may remind you that it's okay to step away from upsetting situations. Source: Wasabi Publicity/Adobe/Вячеслав Думчев/used with permission...

Navigating Deceit and Two-Faced Behavior: A Guide for Coping

Events leading to hospitalization vary from person to person. Psychostimulant use is often a contributing factor. The context is important for understanding the illness. My intention in writing this blog is to share the experiences that I went through with my son, starting with the first manifestation of his illness and our journey through numerous subsequent episodes. Also, my purpose is to provide commentary as a parent and psychiatrist on issues that these experiences bring up, such as how the diagnostic process works in mental health, and how to work with treatment providers and medication issues. My hope is that reading this may be helpful for people with mental health issues and also their families and friends.

Events That Lead to a Mental-Illness ER Visit

Grit can be learned. Parents and those working with children can teach it. Grit entails working strenuously toward challenges, maintaining effort and interest over time despite failure. Grit may be as important as innate talent for high-level accomplishment. Does your child give up on something after only one try? Does...

11 Commonsense Ways to Raise Gritty Children

Each year around this time, I write about my father’s death by suicide. I’ve been writing on this topic for 15 years, through my early 30s and now into my mid-40s. Each year, my take on this traumatic experience shifts as I continue to change, grow, learn, and become.

Trauma's Enduring Hold on the Brain

A good-enough marriage greatly depends upon letting go of the idealized partner and the perfect relationship. Identify what each spouse desires, accompanied by agreements of support. Allow clarity about desires and needs to support expressions of love. There are at least three reasons why a marriage will be experienced as...

What's a Good-Enough Marriage?

People worldwide are experiencing mental health problems due to the climate-ecosystem-biodiversity crisis. Many people try hard to return to previous conditions after climate impacts but will ultimately fail. We must help everyone learn how to engage in the transformational resilience cycle. Last month, I gave a talk to Connecting Climate...

In the Face of Climate Change, Resilience Alone Is Not Enough

To focus on the big picture, you need specific habits and procedures for doing so. Thinking in longer time frames will naturally make you think bigger and more holistically. Thinking big-picture can help us make smarter decisions and achieve meaningful accomplishments. There are numerous reasons you might find yourself consumed...

How to Stay Focused on the Big Picture

From sweet “baby talk” and funny nicknames to made-up words, most couples make up their own language for two. This private language serves to increase intimacy and satisfaction in a relationship. Embrace the use of pet nicknames, baby talk, and other silly words as a sign of a...

2 Secret Languages Commonly Spoken in Intimate Relationships

We should work consciously to counter the shame around aging that we have internalized. While we certainly suffer many painful losses as we age, we also can gain notable gifts. To age with dignity, we need to come to accept our past, present, and future. by Bret Lyon. We all...

We Don't Have to Be Ashamed of Aging

Salem, OH

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Northern Kentucky Tribune

Every day, 8-year-old Emma sits in a small garden outside her grandmother’s home in Salem, Ohio, writing letters to her mom and sometimes singing songs her mother used to sing to her.

Thousands of parents die of overdoses; advocates say their kids need more help

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Don't Go Into the Tunnel: The Practice of Loving Detachment

Navigating your child’s struggles while maintaining your own well-being can be incredibly challenging. Positive psychology offers valuable strategies that can help you stay connected and grounded....

Don't Go Into the Tunnel: The Practice of Loving Detachment

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