Relationships can be the greatest happiness machine in the world, but they carry with them the risk of loss and pain. Like the lottery, you can’t win if you don’t play, but sometimes it’s nice to have a little help navigating your losses…like, what do you text after a breakup ? First, assess your situation—which of two camps are you? 1) You’ve survived a breakup, taken a bit of time to honor the no-contact rule and now want to text your ex, or 2) it’s your friend’s breakup, and they could use some support from you since they’re experiencing feelings of loss, loneliness and anxiety , it’s hard to know just want to say. Each situation has appropriate texts, and I’ve synthesized suggestions from psychologists, friends and spiritual programs to come up with some prompts you can use to contact your ex or support a pal . Because the relationship did happen, it’s not happening now, and the sooner we can all accept, normalize and deal with the big feelings, the better we will all feel. (Yes, even you, the one broken up with.)
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Things to Text Your Ex Just to Say Hi
Let’s say things have cooled down and you’re in the right headspace to reestablish contact as friends or just to say a friendly hello. Here are some ideas—the aim here is to be casual, upbeat and not flirty.
Things to Text Your Ex When You Need Something from Them
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Things to Text Your Friend Who Is Going Through a Breakup
If your friend confided in you that they are going through a breakup, or if you heard it through the grapevine, it’s on you to reach out, even though this effort may seem awkward. Your job is to radiate support without judgment, suggestions (but only when asked) and offer your listening ears if needed. When you text someone going through a breakup, avoid interrogating them for details, urging them to date again immediately or sharing your personal opinion of their ex-partner. Instead, let your friend know you are thinking of them, and want them to know you’re there as a support. Below, some scripted prompts that might help.
One Last Suggestion
If you’ve started communicating with someone going through a breakup and think it could be helpful, try starting a group chat in which a handful of participants share a 10-item gratitude list daily or a few times a week. That way, instead of only concentrating on feeling lonely or angry, your friend will have access to others reframing lives that are sometimes Suck City into Sunny Average Days, just by posting super-simple items like “have a job,” “fall leaves” and “parents are healthy.”
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