You’ve been on not one, but two dates with the same person. Sure, it sounds like no sweat, but with the state of online dating and weird TikTok relationship trends today, even making it to date two feels like you should’ve earned the Nobel Peace Prize. Now, you’re rolling out of bed after a night of salsa dancing, drinks at a rooftop bar and a sunset stroll—and you want more. You’re wondering what to text after the second date while navigating all the unspoken social mores. But you can’t deny you’re feeling a serious spark that’s threatening to overload into a jolt of electricity. (It helps that the man in question has fantasy football commissioner energy .) Or, you hoped for that spark…and you never saw a glimmer.
Either way, you’re left clutching your phone, silently willing a text to come through—and debating how to respond if it does. I’ve asked two relationship experts to share their tips for texting after the second date—and it turns out, there are five key types of texts to send. I’ll break them down, along with three examples for each one (yes, including how to end things if you realized the connection was just a stroke of limerence ).
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Meet the Experts
1. The Follow-Up Text
Date one was magical. Date two is turning you into a soppy romantic. Great! Follow up—and don’t lollygag. O’Brien says the best practice is to send your text within 24 hours. “Any longer and your date might wonder if you’re interested,” she says.
Things you can say:
2. The Express-Your-Gratitude Text
Everyone wants appreciation and affirmation. If you enjoyed your time together, don’t be afraid to say so. “Let them know you had a great time and bring in something from the last date,” O’Brien advises. “Either an inside joke or a little quirk you like about them. If you’re the one initiating dates, now is the time to set up a third date.”
Things you can say:
3. The Third-Date Confirmation Text
The beginning stages of a relationship can be fraught with questions—namely, how often you should be texting. O’Brien tells me that excessive texting isn’t necessary at this stage, but a follow-up text after the date to set up another one, plus a confirmation text the day before, should do the job.
“If you are interested in seeing this person again, it’s important to express genuine interest while keeping things light and open ended,” Boodram adds. “I recommend sending a text that acknowledges the great time you had and sets the intention that you’re thinking of seeing them again.”
That doesn’t mean you’re confined to a two-text limit; you can text more often if the conversation is naturally ongoing. “If it’s the right person, you really can’t mess it up,” O’Brien says.
Things you can say:
4. The Flirty Text
Oh, yeah, making things *spicy* over here. Kidding! Kind of. Just like the universal need for appreciation and affirmation, everyone wants to feel admired . So, whether it’s their outfits or their laugh that leave you wanting more, now would be a good time to express that.
Things you can say:
5. The Dreaded “It’s Not Working Out” Text
While it may be tempting to ghost, don’t! Unless, O’Brien says, your safety is at risk or your date was incredibly disrespectful. Otherwise, this is a natural part of the dating process, and it’s normal to need a few dates before you can determine how you feel about someone. When you’re ready, lay out how you’re feeling—per Boodram, honesty and kindness are key. “You don't owe a long explanation, but a respectful message can go a long way,” she says. And know that tying things up neatly is beneficial for everyone.
“This leaves you feeling good about doing the right thing and it closes the door energetically with this person, opening up your energy for someone you’re more aligned with,” O’Brien says.
Things you can say:
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