No relationship is perfect, no matter how ready you are for one . Inevitably, conflicts will arise, and you’ll have your first big fight. But before you decide to take a relationship break , try to reconcile. Sure, it’s hard to break the silence, but it’s not a good idea to go to bed angry with each other either. But if you’re feeling not quite sure of how to get things started, here are 30 example texts to re-establish the line of communication. Ultimately, you want to resolve the conflict in person—too much nuance is lost over text. Los Angeles-based therapist Camille Tenerife says the best thing you can do going in is to “focus on understanding their perspective and validating their feelings. Remember, validation doesn’t mean you have to agree.”
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Meet the Expert
Camille Tenerife is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles and the founder of Diversified Therapy . She specializes in career counseling and identity issues in the BIPOC community and multiracial relationships. Prior to opening her own practice, Tenerife worked as a therapist at Lyra Health and the Beverly Hills Therapy Group. She holds a masters degree in marriage and family therapy from the University of Southern California.
1. The White Flag
You’ve just had the *biggest* fight of your relationship, and now you’ve iced each other out. No matter how much you want to continue the silent treatment, it’s best to start talking, says the expert. You may not have been the instigator, but someone needs to raise the white flag and open a line of communication. Tenerife notes: “It’s easy to lose tone in important texts. I would recommend texting one another to arrange a time for a face-to-face conversation instead.” Consider taking a conciliatory approach, requesting a time (and a timeframe) where you can sit down together and talk in person.
What you can say:
2. The “I Need Space” Text
Do not panic; this is not the space Taylor Swift sings about in “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”. This is productive space. “I suggest avoiding starting the conversation when you’re not emotionally regulated,” Tenerife advises. “It’s crucial to approach it with the mindset of ‘I’m listening to understand’, not just to respond or argue.” If you think you might snap at your partner the moment they open their mouth, then yes, you need space. Just let them know so they understand that you have an intention of breaking your silence in a reasonable timeframe.
What you can say:
3. The “I” Message
Also known as The Gottman Method, the “I” language focuses on sharing your emotions instead of placing blame. “For instance, saying ‘I felt hurt by what you said last night’ is more constructive than ‘You’re such a rude person, why would you say that!?’ It's also important to evaluate whether you’re ready to have a meaningful conversation with the goal of understanding your partner and finding a resolution, rather than just venting your frustrations or trying to make them feel bad,” Tenerife explains.
What you can say:
4. The Compromise Text
In life, compromise rules, and more often than not, you won’t be 100 percent satisfied. But what’s most important is finding that happy medium where you and your partner can exist in harmony, even if you both need to bend a little bit. (The key here is both—if you’re making all the compromises, then something’s not right.)
What you can say:
5. The Apology Text
If you were the instigator of the argument, it’s time to come clean. No, it won’t be easy, but yes, you’ll feel better afterwards. And remember that an apology must nail the “RRA” rule to be effective: Repent (acknowledge that you were wrong), Reconcile (get on good terms with the person you hurt) and Atone (make it right).
What you can say:
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