‘I must tell you one more thing’: US Army Veteran reveals lifelong secret in obituary

Edward Thomas Ryan used his obituary to get one last thing off his chest.

The US Army Veteran passed away on June 1 at the age of 85, WKRN News reported. For his last words, he revealed a secret he kept for his entire life.

Ryan wrote : “I must tell you one more thing. I was Gay all my life: thru grade school, thru High School, thru College, thru Life. I was in a loving and caring relationship with Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush. He was the love of my life. We had 25 great years together. Paul died in 1994 from a medical procedure gone wrong. I’ll be buried next to Paul.

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“I’m sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay. I was afraid of being ostracized: by family, friends, and co-workers. Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it. Now that my secret is known, I’ll forever Rest in Peace.”

While Ryan was serving in Vietnam, being gay was cause for dishonorable discharge. Admitting such could also force him to forfeit the right to receive some veterans’ benefits.

In late 1993, the US military adopted the policy of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. The policy was a compromise enacted by former President Bill Clinton, hoping to appease those who wanted to allow homosexual men in the military and those who wished for them to be banned.

Shortly after, however, Ryan’s partner Paul died. Then by 2011, that policy was repealed completely.

After his time in the military , the retired colonel served at the Rensselaer Fire Department for over 10 years. Thomas Tiernan, a long time colleague, said he was surprised by Ryan’s admission.Tiernan said: “People have a right to live the way they want to live. I never judge people. Most of the people that I worked with at the firehouse wouldn’t judge either.”

He believes if Ryan had told his fellow firefighters the truth, he would’ve been accepted. However, he also understands why he kept the secret for so long.

Rensselaer Mayor Michael Stammel, who is also married to Ryan’s niece Cathy, revealed he wasn’t so surprised.

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“For me, it was not a surprise. You know, most of his nieces and nephew, that I know of anyway, sure had some sort of inkling or knew that. But again, what’s private is private, and that’s the way it should always be,” he explained.

“Did he ever come out and tell me or did I ever ask him? No. We had so much respect for Eddie Ryan that never would we broach such a discussion,” he added. “I think that’s the way it should always be. Why should it be anybody else’s business unless they want to share it?”

Stammel also included that for Ryan, family was the most important thing.

“He would do anything for his family. All you had to do was pick up the phone. If you needed Ed Thomas, Ed Thomas was there for you,” Stammel said.