Southern Women and What They Mean by Saying, “Bless Your Heart”

The meaning depends on how she says it.

A table with flowers and a woman's hat.Gabriele M. Reinhardt/Pixabay

When you live in the South, Bless Your Heart is part of everyday life. It’s a simple truth that television and filmmakers capitalize on.

What you may not know is the meaning behind those three concise words can vary greatly.

I love all women, but Southern gals have a special place in my heart, especially the genuine Southern Belles. They are the ones with flawless makeup and clothes, even on their worst days. You’ll seldom see them not smiling or helping someone. They can touch up their lipstick with hands bejeweled with long acrylic nails while driving a tractor with a toddler on their lap. Okay, so maybe not all that, but pretty darn close.

Our Southern Belles know how to wield these words just right. Have you ever wondered what “Bless your heart” means? It depends entirely on how she says it. Here are a few examples.

I Hurt for You

Attend a Southern funeral and you’ll hear, “Bless your heart,” many times. A consoling nod will accompany it with a gentle touch to an arm or shoulder. It may even come with a full-on bear hug.

“Bless your heart” conveys a mother’s love even if you are no relation to the speaker. The words touch your heart with that warm, fuzzy sensation we all long to feel.

You’ll hear the words when a child is crying in a store or waiting room. Expressed both to strangers and the most intimate of friends, “bless your heart” extends empathy and sympathy to the one hurting.

I Forgive You

Among the list of people I most regret hurting over the years are more than a few Southern women. While I’d love to blame the hurt I caused on having a mental illness, too many times the words came from a place of anger and a failure to engage my brain before opening my mouth.

Even so, Southern women—most women in my experience—are quick to forgive. With maybe a slightly subdued smile, the words, “bless your heart,” will let you know all is forgiven. She may have tears in her eyes, and still feel the pain, but she’ll mean it. She will soon forget your transgression.

The simple phrase can set your heart free and take the weight from your shoulders. You’ll also feel the next thing that these words can mean.

I Love You

GRITS—Girls Raised in the South—are not shy about speaking about their love. They are quick to hug and welcome you into their lives.

The actual words, “I love you,” are not always necessary. At first, the words, “bless your heart,” may not seem like they carry the same weight, but I assure you they do. The warmth of their tone and the sparkle in her eyes will make it clear what her words mean. They may also reflect heartfelt gratitude for a kind act or gift.

As wonderful as these three words can be, there are times she may speak them as a warning. It’s a caution you don’t want to ignore.

I Think You Better Be Going

Sarah Palin is famous for saying, “They say the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull—lipstick.” Let me tell you, having grown up with hockey moms in Wisconsin, they have nothing on Southern girls.

Fiercely protective of their families and friends, they won’t hesitate to step in when needed. Mess with her husband or kids, and you may still see the lovely smile and hear the familiar words, “bless your heart.” However, you will have nothing close to a warm and fuzzy feeling inside.

These words, frequently spoken through clenched teeth, are all the warning you’ll get, and more ferocious than any curse word might be. They clearly say, “You better get the heck out of dodge,” and you’d do your best to obey them. Even Southern women can only hold back so long, and you don’t want to be there when she lets loose. Trust me on that.

A wooden heart hanging from a tree.Julita/Pixabay

Listen for the Meaning

“Bless your heart” isn’t the only phrase with lots of meaning. Much of the time, there is more meaning in the tone of a voice, a facial expression, or the glint in one’s eyes than in the actual words spoken. It’s one reason I hate text messaging, because the emotional part of communication gets lost.

As a writer, I dislike admitting it, but sometimes, you cannot express the full feeling of emotions with just words themselves.

Pay attention to your next few conversations, or watch a movie or TV show. If you want to see Southern women in action, you'll enjoy watching Sweet Magnolias on Netflix.

In any case, the next time you hear, "Bless your heart," pay attention to how much meaning exists outside of the words. The words may not change, but the meaning certainly will.

Thank you for reading. To all of you, I say, “Bless your heart.”

Until next time, keep fighting.