Reflecting on 30 Years and How Little I Knew at Age 20

Things I wish I had known as a young adult.

Red pencils and envelope on a blue desk.Lucas Wendt/Pixabay

In the fall of 1992, I got into my blue 1989 Toyota Corolla and drove away from my family and friends. I was 20 years old and on the cusp of a brand new life. My smile was wide as the thrill of possibility stoked flames inside my stomach.

As the familiar sights of central Wisconsin gradually faded behind me, I watched expectantly for the mountains of Tennessee to break the horizon. My future was waiting for me there.

I was young, optimistic, and fearless.

And I knew nothing about life.

What follows is the letter I wish I could send to that young man.

A Letter to a Young Man

Dear Scott,

It’s been over two years since you graduated from high school, and I know you’re itching to find your purpose and place in the world. Things right now may feel confining and stagnant, but there are a few things you should know before you leave.

Moving won’t make you a different person

I know you spend your nights awake staring at the ceiling while imagining a more exciting life. You believe that if you drive far enough, then you can forget the world you know now. You’re sure you can have a fresh start as a man with no baggage.

Even if you take nothing else with you, you cannot leave yourself behind. You will always be you no matter where you live, and that’s not a bad thing.

Learn to embrace what and who you are. Accept your good and bad qualities. You will use all your pieces in the trials ahead.

Those things you hate about yourself? Yeah, they will always be there, but it won’t take much time until you understand how they helped shape you. Time will reveal that you are you for a reason.

Family is important

Your relationship with your mom and dad isn’t great right now. You imagine you can walk away from your family and never think of them again.

While you can try to leave them all behind, they will ever be a part of you. Just like soldiers who fight together in a war, your siblings are the only ones who will ever fully understand the events of your childhood. The time will come when you’ll need that validation.

Horrible things were said and done to hurt you, but the worst of the pain is temporary. You’ll forget much of it before the next five years pass.

Then, your parents will need you, and you’ll need them, too. You’ll thank God every day they’re still living.

Love your family and forgive them now. It seems like you have forever to come back to these relationships, but some of them will be gone before you know it.

You are not fatally flawed

Those nightmares you’re having, the ones that make you afraid to sleep, soon they’ll go away. Running away isn’t the solution that silences them.

What you don’t know right now is that you have a mental illness—bipolar disorder, to be exact. Mental illness is why you perceive the world differently than most of your friends.

It will be challenging, but you’ll learn to live a full life with bipolar. At times, you’ll think you can’t go on for another second, but those times will be shorter than they feel.

Your sun will always rise again. Every storm will end. So you must never give in to the darkness.

Young man thinking while looking at a candle.Benjamin Balazs/Pixabay

You know less than you think you do

Here’s the truth, my friend. You will never know more than you do right now.

In your mind, you’re sure you’ve got it all figured out. The answers to all life’s problems are neatly laid out before you.

By this time next year, you’ll discover how wrong some of those answers are. Your best friend? You’ll soon learn he’s not a friend after all. The girl you think you love? She’ll disappear from your world in less than three years, and what’s more, after a few months, you won’t even miss her.

Each passing year will reveal more of what you do not know, but you’ll learn many amazing things along the way.

In 20 years, you’ll wake up one morning and finally realize that you know nothing. That’s when real wisdom will start.

Keep writing

Your dream has always been to be a best-selling author living quietly in a cabin in the mountains. You’ll get your mountains, but you’ll be tempted to abandon your writing. Time and again, it will feel like writing is a useless endeavor.

Whatever you do, never stop writing. Write in your journal every day. Take the time to sit still and put the novel that’s dancing in your head down on paper.

Don’t worry about not knowing where it’s headed, because the story will show you the way. Don’t fret whether it’s any good or if anyone will ever read it. That’s not what matters.

The truth is, it will be terrible. I mean, truly awful. Write it anyway.

It’s the block that’s standing between you and everything else you will write. Once it’s gone, it will surprise even you the quality of words that follow.

Let go of the past

There are memories right now you’re afraid to face. The terrible things haunting your dreams at night really happened, but those dark visions won’t continue to control you.

The only way to put the coming hell behind you is to go through it. Throw fear aside and face each monster head-on. It will be excruciating, and you will cry—a lot—but you’ll also heal.

Not only will you slay your dragons, but it won’t be long before they have no hold over you. You’ll then be ready to be a guide to others as they learn how to heal from their pain.

Love openly

Right now, you have eternity before you. Everything seems possible and attainable.

The real dangers of this world are unimaginable. I wish I could save you from them all, but some experiences are necessary.

Let yourself love and make sure you say the words. Yeah, she may know how you feel, but she needs to hear the words, and you need to say them.

Don’t hide from your feelings or keep them a secret. People are longing to hear how much you care. Don’t keep them waiting.

Your heart will melt into another, and that love will transform you into your best self. Nothing will ever feel better.

Unfortunately, your connection will be devastatingly short. Pursue it anyway.

Immerse yourself in every moment. Stop and engage all your senses—see, hear, smell, feel, and taste all that you can. Fully absorb every second. Those memories with her will be your greatest treasures.

Man thinking about a lost love.Gerd Altmann/Pixabay

You will make it

The life of your childhood dreams will never materialize. That’s okay. It was only a dream, and not all dreams should come true. We both know you never really wanted to be a fireman.

Instead, there will be wonderful adventures and awe-inspiring scenic views. One sunset alone will forever change you, and a lunar eclipse will make everything clear.

Enjoy each step on the road. Where you’re going doesn’t matter. The times you’ll cherish will be the ones that happen along the way.

My dear young man, you have an abundance of extraordinary experiences ahead of you. It will be a wild rollercoaster ride, but you will grow as a person with each twist and turn.

Better yet, you will learn to love, find the true meaning of family, and discover there’s a gigantic world unlike anything you’ve known so far. If only I could go back and take the trip along with you, but my time is here, writing you this letter.

Remember to love intensely, try unfamiliar things (even the green ones), keep your mind open, and always look forward. The past is only a piece of you, not what defines you.

You got this, my friend.

Until next time, keep fighting.