Send Anniversary Card Despite a Terminal Diagnosis?

Friends want to send an anniversary card to friends of theirs, but they hesitate because the husband has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. “The best is yet to come” hardly seems appropriate, say the concerned friends. See what Asking Eric recommends.

Dear Eric:

We are very good friends with a couple we have known for more than 50 years. Their anniversary is approaching, and I usually send a card.

The problem is that the husband has terminal cancer and is unlikely to live out the year (pancreatic cancer – no one I know who has had this has lived out the year). Many greeting cards for anniversaries have sentiments like, “Happy Anniversary,” followed by “…and for many more years,” or “The best is yet to come.”

I know to avoid those, and to try for something better. If I cannot find such a card, I’d like to acknowledge their anniversary but be compassionate. Perhaps I’d send a blank card with my own sentiment. Any suggestions about what to write? Even if I found one with a printed message, I’d like to put in a personal note. As with my husband and myself, they have been a wonderful, loving couple for many years (they will celebrate their 51st anniversary.)

– Loving Sentiment

Dear Sentiment:

The time is always right to tell those we love that we love them. No matter if it’s the end of the world or a random Tuesday. I think you should follow your impulse about getting a blank card and take the opportunity to express how much this couple has meant to you. It doesn’t have to be maudlin or melodramatic, but see if you can find the words to tell them how valuable their friendship has been, how they’ve impacted your life and how grateful you are to know them. Maybe there’s a favorite memory that you want to call to mind – something funny or lovely.

Also, consider acknowledging that this moment is awful and tough and there are hard emotions all around. It will be helpful for them to be reminded that they’re not alone in the grief and fear that this diagnosis is bringing, nor is their 50-year union defined by it.

R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and author of “Congratulations, The Best Is Over!” Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

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