Control What You Can, Choose What Matters: Epictetus's Guide to Lasting Peace

Public Domain.Photo bySeneca.

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own . . .” —Epictetus

One of the most profound realizations in life is understanding the distinction between what lies within our control and what does not.

This concept is the cornerstone of Stoic philosophy, emphasizing the importance of directing our energy towards aspects of life we can influence, rather than futilely battling against forces beyond our reach.

As the ancient Stoic philosopher Epictetus advised, the primary task in life is to "identify and separate matters" so that we can clearly discern between external circumstances beyond our control and the choices that are ours to make.

The Futility of Resisting the Unchangeable

If you are frustrated by a delayed flight due to bad weather, remember that no amount of anger or demands directed at the airline staff will clear the skies or hasten your journey. Similarly, no amount of wishing can alter fundamental aspects of our existence, such as our height, birthplace, or family background.

These are immutable realities—externals over which we have no control. Yet, how often do we waste precious time and energy striving to change the unchangeable?

This misdirection of effort not only drains us but also distracts us from the time we could spend on what truly matters—the areas where our actions and choices do make a difference.

The Serenity Prayer: A Guide for Focused Living

The Serenity Prayer, a central tenet in the recovery community, encapsulates this Stoic wisdom: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

This prayer serves as a powerful reminder that while we cannot rewrite the past or undo the harm we've caused, we hold the power to shape our future through the decisions we make in the present moment.

Embracing Stoic Wisdom in Everyday Life

This principle is equally relevant to our everyday lives. By clearly delineating what is within our control and what is not, we liberate ourselves from the frustration and despair that comes from trying to change the unchangeable.

Instead, we can direct our energy toward areas where we can effect real change, leading to a more fulfilling and empowered life.

In a world where many are engaged in unwinnable battles against forces beyond their control, understanding and embracing Stoic wisdom offers not only a path to greater happiness but also a distinct advantage. By focusing on what we can control—our thoughts, actions, and responses—we align ourselves with the natural order of things, finding peace and purpose in the process.