Soaps Come Through With Long-Awaited Scenes

Disney/Christine Bartolucci

Molly (Kristen Vaganos, l.) and Alexis (Nancy Lee Grahn) exchanged some choice words about Kristina.

Famed writer/creator Agnes Nixon’s storytelling philosophy was “Make 'em laugh, make 'em cry, make 'em wait!” so let’s hear it for the soaps that are finally delivering.

How long was GH’s John “Jagger” Cates blackmailing Jason? We were right there with Carly when she said enough and kicked the FBI agent out of her hotel after two years of him strong-arming her and Jason.

Carly: “You’re nothing but a vindictive bastard with an axe to grind.”

Cates: “Carly Spencer, you are under arrest.”

She stuck her arms out for the handcuffs and was carted off, which got the ball rolling on multiple fronts. Carly told Sonny that Jason had been blackmailed into working for the FBI, Anna went to DC where she learned Brennan was not an escaped prisoner but a WSB agent, and Michael tried to kumbaya with Sonny (to no avail).

Carly’s fan club convened in the courtroom where Diane brought the hammer down.

Diane: “You are not to look at Agent Cates. Not a glare, not a side eye, not through the back of your head when you toss your hair.”

Carly: “I don’t toss my hair.”

Diane ( sarcastic ): “Of course you don’t.”

Carly: “I’m not an idiot.”

Diane: “No, but you’re impulsive and you speak without thinking.”

Michael: “That’s a very fair point.”

Joss: “It sure is.”

Carly was like fine, got it . Shockingly, the DA dropped the charges against her thanks to the aforementioned Brennan who deleted the government’s evidence and who I hope is headed for a triangle with Carly and Anna. (Hey, a girl can dream.)

I also got a kick out of Molly making fun of her drama queen sister Kristina.

Molly: “Me, me, pay more attention to me! If I’m not joining a cult, I’m having a baby!”

Kristina’s argument that she wants to keep Molly and TJ’s baby because the couple might break up is flawed, especially since Kristina’s been dating Blaze for about ten minutes. Alexis made the case that Kristina is flooded with hormones and will eventually listen to reason. Fat chance, retorted Molly.

Alexis ( to Molly ) : “Ugh, you both have all my genes. You at least got the good ones — you want justice, law and order. She got the ones that think she’s right all the time and she’s the smartest person in the room.”

Ha!

Over on Y&R, Kyle went on a rant about the futility of marriage, which I have been waiting for from every character on every soap for… let me check my watch… 32 years.

Abby: “Devon and I are engaged!”

Kyle: “Good for you. I’m here with my attorney about my custody battle. I’ll introduce you.”

Abby: “That’s okay…”

Kyle: “Consider it an engagement present. He can start drawing up the divorce papers since that’s how most marriages end up.”

Abby: “I’m sorry things aren’t going well for you and Summer.”

Kyle: “One day all those dreams of wedded bliss will come crashing down. You’ll be in the battle of your life with Devon for custody of Dominick. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

The only surprising thing about that conversation is that every character hasn’t had it. Kyle and Abby are cousins via his father Jack Abbott (nine marriages) and her mother Ashley Abbott (eight marriages), and their exchange was interrupted by Abby’s father Victor Newman (13 marriages) who is also Kyle’s boss. You get my point.

Other long-awaited scenes involve revisiting Cassie’s death. I don’t care if it is Sharon’s meds talking, a parent never gets over the loss of a child — as Nick explained to Faith in an overdue conversation about her late sister. Sharon’s family is starting to notice that she’s lying to them about going to work while we see her conjuring images of kissing her ex-husband and talking to her late daughter.

Sharon ( to Cassie’s ghost ) : “My mind is showing me what I want to see.”

Can it show her a good doctor?

Something has been up with B&B’s Poppy since she first appeared last Fall, so watching Katie bust her has been strangely satisfying. It’s a mystery how Poppy got away with routinely popping those “special mints,” especially after her daughter accidentally took some and hallucinated that her boyfriend’s cousin was her boyfriend (leading to some very misguided sex).

Katie: “Does Poppy take drugs?”

Li: “She did. Supposedly not anymore.”

Not exactly a ringing endorsement from her sister.

Katie’s worry made sense since her son Will was on his way home and would be spending time at Bill’s house where Katie feared a murderer might be living. She also seems to be carrying a torch for her ex, an added bonus since their rapidly-aged son is part of their story again.

Katie’s sister Brooke has been strangely back burner, but Ridge’s idea to make her the face of her signature Brooke’s Bedroom line remedied that.

Ridge: “You’re living proof that beauty just gets better. You should celebrate where you are right now.”

Brooke: “Aging is a privilege. Not everybody gets to do it.”

What a great message. Bonus: Brooke getting her groove back gave Hope and Steffy one more thing to fight about.

Which brings us to DAYS. Not everyone is on board with the Body & Soul storyline but I like it. Abe bought the rights to the soap opera and is bringing it to Salem, so let the hiring begin. I’m not a huge Hattie fan (too over the top!) but she does look like Charlemagne, so interviewing her made sense.

Kate: “She can’t act.”

Abe: “We’ll hire an acting coach.”

They hired her and Hattie immediately showed off her ability to stare into space at the end of a scene “like on those soap operas.” Kate negotiated her contract and Hattie demanded perks like green jelly beans and her own makeup person

Kate: “We can definitely do that. Your makeup person will be you. You’ll be doing your own hair, as well.”

Next up: Hiring Johnny to direct all these inexperienced actors.

Abe: “It's not a Hollywood blockbuster…”

Johnny: “It’s a job."

Chanel: “And it’s right here in Salem!”

Paulina: “Here, here.”

I connect to this story because we have all seen far too many soaps go off the air and the dream that one of them could still be saved lives on in my heart.

Marlena was sad when Eric and Nicole left town, so our favorite soap lover swooped in with some sage advice.

Abe: “Art imitates life, just like on Body & Soul . People leave but they almost always come back.”

Aw, that makes me cry. Agnes Nixon would approve.

Hey. It’s only my opinion.