Borderlands Review: A Lifeless Cash Grab That Doesn’t Respect Itself or the Audience

​​In a recent interview, Vince Vaughn divulged a not-so-well-kept Hollywood secret: studios are all-in on IP-driven storytelling.

"The people in charge don't want to get fired more so than they're looking to do something great," he told Sean Evans during a spicy episode of Hot Ones.

Vaughn was reflecting on paving his career through R-rated comedies – the types of movies that are now few and far between – and how life situations are no longer sexy enough for studios to open their checkbooks.

Vaughn’s The Break Up made $205.6 million from its $60 million budget in 2006, but audiences are different now. Their viewing habits have changed, and the rise of superhero-driven storytelling and sexy streaming services has altered how the powers-that-be decide what stories are worth opening their checkbooks for.

Related: Vince Vaughn Talks Hollywood Problems in Spicy New Interview

It's not new for studios to invest in grand, bombastic tales that embody what Harry Styles meant when he coined the phrase, "It feels like a real go-to-the-theater-film movie".

However, once upon a time, these "movie movies" were gifted to us by the likes of Spielberg or Cameron. Big-budget stories from thoughtful filmmakers were a studio's tentpole, with their massive profits allowing them to reinvest the riches in mid-budget movies like The Break Up or Couples Retreat , still driven by star power but with something to say through genre – whether that be comedy, romance or horror – about the way we navigate life.

Were these mid-budget films the height of cinema? No. Were they enjoyable? Yes. They were the compromise movie. The one you went to on a date. The one you'd return to years later to remember that moment and get a kick out of on a Friday night.

The industry is changing. Until now, the IP thing has been working for studios, but it's grown tiresome. Worse, it's become insulting to audiences.

Borderlands is Eli Roth's adaptation of a popular video game released in 2009. It took 15 years to make it to the big screen, and it should've stayed on the shelf.

Not only does Borderlands not know who it's for, it doesn't care. Why any of the highly talented cast members signed on to make fun of us for 102 minutes is baffling.

Cate Blanchett – who gave one of the greatest performances of 2022 in Todd Field's TÁR – deserves so much better than the bizarre mish-mash of unnatural dialogue and stiff poses Eli Roth has inflicted on her.

Jack Black voices a remarkably irritating robot named Claptrap. Intended to be an endearing companion, the man that had us giggling through School of Rock and warmed our hearts in The Holiday is insufferable. There's a moment where it felt as though we may have shaken him for good, and my audible sigh at the realization we'd have to endure him longer swiftly turned into a searing rage as Muse's infamous Twilight baseball scene song " Supermassive Black Hole " was dragged into the chaos.

Jamie Lee Curtis (an Oscar winner), Edgar Ramìrez (two-time Emmy nominee), and Ariana Greenblatt (who had the gift of being in Barbie last year) were wasted. The horrendous dialogue from Roth and Joe Crombie – a combination of unnecessary exposition and sign-posted humor – is largely to blame, alongside clunky direction that feels unnatural and confused.

Kevin Hart might be the only innocent because at least he looked like he was mining for some deeper nuance that certainly wasn't on the page. He didn't have to do that, but he tried, and we can only thank him for his efforts.

Borderlands is lifeless, and no amount of poorly crafted action sequences, manufactured unearned emotion, and cringeworthy attempts at witty quips can revive it. Towards the end, the film practically pleads with audiences to forgive it for its sins, making it all the more inexcusable.

Quite often, "bad" movies will get a pass from audiences because at least everyone on screen looks like they're having a good time. Here, not one person looked like they were getting anything beyond a slice of that rumored $120 million budget.

If Borderlands doesn't stop studio executives from salivating at the sight of every single IP that comes across their desks, nothing will. We all need to do ourselves a favor and start saying no to movies that disrespect our intelligence and waste our time.

Related: Borderlands Movie Turned Cate Blanchett Into a PS5 Gamer