Protected: How Wife Embracing Role as Cancer Caregiver Brought Iowa Couple Closer & Strengthened Their Marriage

The Powerful Role of Caregivers

• An Iowa couple is learning to love each other in new ways since Jan became a caregiver for her husband, Dick, who lives with prostate cancer. The journey has brought them closer, strengthening their marriage.
• A caregiver assumes multiple roles to make the life of a loved one facing a health challenge easier. Caregivers are often spouses — but can also be children, parents, or close friends.
• Examples of caregiver activities may include attending doctor visits, helping the patient take notes and ask questions, providing transportation to treatment, and helping with everyday activities such as preparing meals.
• Dick’s treatment plan involved trying the drug NUBEQA (darolutamide) after he stopped responding to hormone therapy. NUBEQA is an option for some advanced prostate cancer patients and can be used after surgery, as a combination treatment, or when other treatments stop working.
• NUBEQA was first approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in July 2019 for non-metastatic castration-resistant prostate cancer (when cancer has not spread but has stopped responding to hormone therapy) and then subsequently approved for use in specific metastatic cases in August 2022.

Jan Beck and her husband, Dick, of Huxley, Iowa, are in the midst of a journey not all that uncommon for couples facing a cancer diagnosis. Dick was diagnosed with metastatic prostate cancer a few years ago, but throughout the ups and downs, he’s had his devoted wife of nearly 50 years by his side. After learning of Dick’s cancer, Jan declared they’d embark on the cancer journey as a team. “I took my role as a caregiver , as his wife. I love him, and I wanted to be there for whatever he needed to help him through this because it's a really difficult journey for him, and I wanted to do whatever I could do to make that easier,” Jan explained to SurvivorNet. She took some time away from work to be by her husband's side more often. She kept a journal to document Dick's day-to-day activities, responses to medicines, and other notes to share during doctor's appointments. "That's where I wanted to be. It gave me peace to know, to hear what was actually being said," Jan explained.

Many cancer patients are encouraged to build a support group to help them through their cancer journey. Sometimes, close members of that support group can become caregivers. This special person may be a parent, a sibling, a close friend, or a child; however, in many cases, for couples, it’s the partner or spouse that assumes most of the caregiving duties. “In some ways, even your relationship changes because it's just part of the journey. You have to find ways as a couple to meet and get what you need from each other,” Jan said. Before Dick’s stage 4 prostate cancer diagnosis, Jan says he was the rock of the family and provided anyway he could. The couple met 52 years ago over a mutual love of sports cars. In fact, they both had one. However, after getting married and three children later, they had less downtime to get behind the wheel, and after Dick's cancer diagnosis, the dynamics of their relationship changed too.

Jan found herself caring for him and making more of the family decisions. “It was hard on the kids, and it was hard on me. It was hard on our relationship, and I can’t imagine how hard it was on him,” Jan explained. "I was hands-on and basically an advocate for my husband. I went to doctor's appointments with him. I took notes at those appointments. We would come and go afterward, and we would talk about what we just heard to make sure we understood it and could clarify what the doctor had said at appointments when we got home," Jan continued. Stage 4 prostate cancer means that the cancer has spread beyond the prostate. Treatment options usually involve hormone therapy, chemotherapy, radiation therapy, or a combination of these therapies, depending on the specifics of the cancer. “At one point, my husband's prostate cancer was no longer responding to hormone therapy. Our oncologist recommended starting a different treatment called NUBEQA ,” Jan said. WATCH: NUBEQA Offers Hope for Advanced-Stage Prostate Cancer Patients NUBEQA (darolutamide) is a treatment option for some advanced-stage prostate cancer patients. It can be after surgery, in combination with other treatments, or when other treatments have not worked or have stopped working. It was first approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in July 2019 for non-metastatic castration-resistant prostate cancer (when cancer has not spread but has stopped responding to hormone therapy) and then subsequently approved for use in specific metastatic cases in August 2022. Side effects associated with NUBEQA, such as fatigue, rashes, or a rise in blood pressure, are possible, and it’s important to consider these when discussing whether NUBEQA is the right option.

A Caregiver's Role

Some of the ways caregivers help their loved ones living with cancer may include:

• Attend doctor visits with the patient
• Help the patient take notes/ask questions
• Provide transportation to and from treatment
• Accompany the patient during treatment
• Help keep track of side effects
• Link up with a social worker/patient navigator
• Help with day-to-day activities
• Provide emotional support

Dick says he couldn’t be more appreciative of his wife for her relentless support. WATCH: ‘A Sacred and Blessed Calling’ – Managing Life As a Caregiver “I really appreciate how much you've done for me during my journey, especially the first four years, which were so difficult,” Dick said. Jan admits caring for her husband is a “24/7” job, and being a caregiver isn't for everyone. When she needs a break from the demands of caregiving, she finds solace in her garden, which helps her relax her mind. WATCH: Caregivers Must Take Care of Themselves, Too “I plant flowers and can go out and care for them. Between watering them, I felt like I was nurturing something, and I could see that the result was something beautiful in nature. It gave me a quiet time, yet I was still here. I was still available,” Jan explained. Jan recommends other people who find themselves caring for a loved one to find something that brings them joy.

"For me, it was nurturing plants. However, it could be having coffee with a friend if you're able to do that, or having a friend come over or, going shopping. You need to find some kind of a time that you can just have to yourself to take care of yourself," Jan advises. When Jan and Dick both want to get their minds off of ongoing treatment, they focus on their shared love of sports cars. "We would just get in and just take a ride," she explained. They would crisscross Iowa, stopping into ice cream shops, then continue on their way. "That was what we did together, and if you can find something like that for yourself, it really helps your relationship," Jan added.

Most prostate cancer patients and caregivers feel their relationship has improved since caregiving began, which speaks volumes about the positive dedication and compassion caregivers put forth in strengthening these bonds. “Every caregiver is different. What you need to do for your person is different, and so you just have to adjust all the time to find out what the need is, and it changes. I mean, what worked for us, maybe the first six months didn't work the second six months, so you have to adapt, and it's very emotional, and it makes it hard on your relationship, but just keep talking to each other,” Jan explained.