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Table Talk
Why Common Courtesy Is Fading: The Impact of a Fast-Paced Society on Politeness
13 days ago
The art of saying "please" and "thank you" seems to be slipping through our fingers. We all feel it—those tiny acts of kindness, those once effortless gestures of politeness, are becoming less common.
But while most people chalk it up to busy lives or the overuse of technology, the decline of common courtesy stems from much deeper roots than just the usual suspects. Our fast-paced society is not only speeding us up physically but rewiring how we connect to each other socially and emotionally.
Efficiency is the gospel of the modern world. We prioritize getting things done quickly—conversations, transactions, interactions. In the rush, empathy often gets squeezed out. When you’re more focused on getting through your to-do list than engaging with the person in front of you, common courtesies like greetings, compliments, or even a genuine smile start to feel like unnecessary delays. People now view politeness as a luxury, not a requirement, which creates a cold, transactional atmosphere in even the most routine interactions.
This constant need to optimize everything seeps into our personal lives as well. Instead of deep, meaningful conversations, we send quick texts. Instead of asking someone how they’re really doing, we throw out a casual “what’s up?” without waiting for the answer. We’ve streamlined our interactions so much that we’re forgetting how to genuinely connect—and politeness is the first casualty.
The Disappearance of Micro-Moments
Remember holding the door open for someone or making small talk while waiting in line? Those tiny moments of human connection, often infused with politeness, are becoming extinct. We live in an era where every second must be “productive,” and these micro-moments seem like interruptions rather than opportunities for connection.
People are in a constant state of multitasking—checking their phones, thinking ahead, or rushing to the next thing—which leaves little room for the small, spontaneous interactions that breed politeness.
Even on digital platforms, where interaction happens through text or images, the idea of stopping for a "moment" has become obsolete. We swipe, scroll, and click with speed, bypassing any real engagement, much less the exchange of courteous words.
Anonymity and the Shield of Convenience
As society moves faster, interactions become increasingly depersonalized. You don’t have to look someone in the eye when you order food from an app, return an item online, or pay your bills electronically. These conveniences, while helpful, eliminate the need for basic manners.
You don’t feel rude ignoring a bot or skipping pleasantries when typing into a chat window. This detachment starts spilling over into face-to-face interactions as well.
In spaces where anonymity reigns, like online forums or comment sections, the concept of courtesy barely exists. People speak without the buffer of social norms, and while this might seem like an online issue, it bleeds into how we treat people offline too. The less practice we get at being kind and polite in our everyday digital life, the less likely we are to employ those habits in the real world.
The Constant Race for Personal Space
In a fast-paced society, personal space has become an increasingly valuable commodity. People build invisible walls around themselves in public—whether through headphones, staring at phones, or just avoiding eye contact.
Interacting with strangers, even in polite ways, feels like an invasion of this sacred space. We’re all in our own bubbles, and breaking that barrier for something as simple as a "good morning" or "excuse me" feels awkward, unnecessary, or worse—intrusive.
This growing insistence on personal space leads to a subtle rudeness that, though unintentional, builds a society of isolation. Everyone is in their own lane, and simple courtesies fall by the wayside because they involve stepping outside that self-imposed bubble.
The Normalization of Self-Importance
Social media platforms have turned many into mini-celebrities in their own minds, with everyone crafting their “brand” and seeking validation. This shift feeds into a more self-centered way of thinking.
When you see yourself as the center of your story, the needs and feelings of others start to seem less important. Politeness, which inherently involves acknowledging and validating others, begins to feel like a waste of energy.
People no longer feel compelled to engage in the little niceties that signal respect for others. If you’re always focused on curating your life, politeness, which requires you to step outside of yourself and into someone else’s experience, gets left behind.
A Society in Overload: Emotional Bandwidth is Shrinking
Finally, we have to consider that the constant bombardment of information, tasks, and expectations is exhausting. People simply don’t have the emotional bandwidth to go out of their way to be courteous.
When your mental and emotional energy is stretched to the limit, the first things to go are the small social graces. It’s not that people don’t care about being polite—it’s that they’re too overwhelmed to prioritize it.
The weight of daily life, combined with the pressure to keep moving forward at breakneck speed, drains people’s emotional reserves. Courtesy becomes an afterthought when survival, mentally or otherwise, is the priority.
Can We Slow Down Enough to Reconnect?
Politeness isn’t disappearing because people have become cold or heartless. It’s fading because we’ve engineered a world where there’s little room left for it. We’ve made efficiency, personal space, and self-importance the hallmarks of modern life, and politeness has become a casualty of this shift.
The solution lies in making conscious choices. Choosing to slow down, engage in those micro-moments, and resist the urge to prioritize efficiency over empathy. Society won’t get any slower, but we can make an effort to reclaim the lost art of courtesy—even if it’s just one "please" or "thank you" at a time.
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