Opinion: How to Talk to Kids About the Trump Assassination Attempt and Other Scary Topics

Unexpected questions are part of the job for parents — puberty, death, where babies come from are all dreaded but expected territory. But scary headlines and graphic imagery, like those that followed the assassination attempt on former President Donald Trump on July 13, have left families scrambling, not knowing how to explain it to their children. Even if a family never consumes any form of media in the home, a child may see the news at a friend’s house, or a random stranger may carelessly share opinions while sitting within earshot at a restaurant.

Regardless of a family’s political views, here are some ways for parents, caregivers, teachers and anyone in the orbit of kids to help them navigate this frightening and confusing time.

Manage media exposure. This is particularly important when there is breaking news. Do not leave news feeds streaming in the background. Read your news instead of watching it (even if you believe you’re out of earshot). Start your kids’ streaming apps first and then invite them into the room. Otherwise, there’s a risk that news images will appear unexpectedly on the screen.

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Watch your kids for signs of emotional stress. It’s possible your kids may know about the news and be upset, but won’t tell you directly. Listen to and notice their behavior. Are they acting differently than usual? They may even talk to their toys when they think no one is watching. Use a feelings chart or gently probe with questions like, “If you were a color today, what color would you be?”

Open a gentle conversation. Some topics, like the election, are inevitable, so make a plan to engage in conversation with your child. If you need to process your own thoughts and feelings, do so first, in private. When talking to your child, use simple sentences that are age-appropriate. Answer questions honestly, but limit graphic details. Share your feelings and talk about what you do to help you feel better (e.g. reading a happy book, sending a thank you note to first responders). Follow the child’s lead for when the conversation is over; this will probably happen sooner than you think, because kids flow easily from one thing to another.

Be prepared for unexpected questions and follow-ups. Kids will ask questions whenever they come to mind, even hours or days after the initial conversation. Here are five steps that can help:

• Breathe. If you panic, nothing productive will happen.
  
• Gather information. Ask simple questions to find out what the child knows (“Where did you hear that?” “Tell me more?”). If other parents are involved, check in with them for more information. If technology is involved, look at the devices to find out what might have been watched or said.
  
• Assess the child’s mental and physical health to determine if they need additional support.
  
• Create an action plan. Given what you learned in steps 2 and 3, pause to plan what you want to say, when the right time is for the conversation and whether you need additional resources (such as the help of a therapist) or tools (such as device passwords or monitoring tools). Put the plan into place.
• Check in regularly to make sure the child is doing ok, if they have additional questions, if they’ve heard additional info, or if anything else is bothering them.

In many cases, steps 1 through 4 can happen in rapid succession. If you need time to develop the plan and know your child is not actively upset, you can say, “It’s important to talk about this, but I’m distracted/need more time to plan. How about we talk about it tonight?” The child knows they’re heard and that their question will be addressed.

Emphasize safety. Throughout these conversations, help the child see that they are safe (assuming this is true for you). Kids are taught that the president is the parent of the country. The idea of something happening to a parent is scary. So when the life of the former president is threatened, it can rock a child’s sense of safety. Help kids understand that they’re safe by reminding them about the police, Secret Service and other protectors.

Lay the groundwork when visiting with others. When heading out with friends or in public, mention in advance that you’d like to avoid political conversations or upsetting subjects while the kids are around. If someone raises a topic, a pointed “Hey can we talk about this later?” or “Can we change the topic?” will usually get the point across.

Turn off the technology. Say, “We’re taking a break from screens for a bit because there’s a lot of scary news on repeat.” This demonstrates a healthy way to cope as well as sharing a bit of digital literacy: that the news will repeat the same information, which can create more stress. Do something enjoyable with your family or find a community activity where you can give back in some way. It shows that there are good people everywhere — far more good people than bad.

Throughout the election season, notice what you say and how you consume media. Just as adults avoid talking about Santa Claus’s existence in front of the kids, be mindful of what you say. Children are listening.