A well-respected lieutenant colonel who was part of the U.S. Navy’s Seal team, a local military veteran, emergency responders, law enforcement personnel and many others put their lives on the line every day to help others.
But sometimes, they themselves are the ones who need help as suicide has gripped members of the military and first responders.
The Robert Irvine Foundation on Oct. 17 at Three Oaks in Lexington Park hosted “Breaking Bread with Heroes” to discuss various ways of helping those in need.
“If you’ve been in combat, if you’ve been in law enforcement and you come across a live shooter situation, if you’re a first responder and you’re running into a burning building, you’re vulnerable,” Robert Irvine Foundation Development & Impact Vice President Robert Yarnall said. “It takes courage, but you’re very vulnerable because you don’t know what you’re going to experience. It takes courage to admit we need help.”
Yarnall said the key is opening lines of communication.
“How often do you say to someone, ‘Hey, how are you doing?’ then [they answer] ‘Pretty good,’ then you move on?” he asked. “[A colleague told me] just ask the [expletive] question. A lot of times you might be surprised at the answer you get.”
A news release said the event “is an important and meaningful moment to honor the experiences of veterans and their families by joining together, talking, listening and understanding.”
“It’s always going to be something that we just have to confront and make sure we’re invested in,” said Del. Brian Crosby (D-St. Mary’s), who served 10 years in the U.S. Army, five of them active, and was deployed three times. “We just need to make a little bit of a difference every day and try to get somebody to the next day.”
According to www.wefacethefight.org, more than 120,000 veterans have taken their own lives since 2001, and more than half of those did not have a known mental illness. Also, suicide is the second-leading cause of death among post 9/11 veterans, and the suicide rate for male veterans between the ages of 18-34 has nearly doubled since 2006.
Yarnall said one of the reasons for the high numbers — he added since 2001, more veterans have died by suicide than were killed in combat during the Iraq and Afghanistan wars — is accessibility to weapons.
“Weapons are 90% lethal ... so you don’t get another chance,” he said. “We all talk about how we know how to operate a weapon safely. Yes, we do but when we go into crisis mode are we thinking about the safe operation of a weapon? No, you’re not thinking rational in that 5- to 10-minute time period.”
Another is the stigma associated with asking for help.
“If you are suffering from some sort of depression or mental health issue or suicidal thoughts, to come forward there’s a stigma associated with that and I think people fear that, ‘I might lose my clearance, I won’t be able to do the job I want to do,’ or other reprisals,” U.S. Navy Capt. Matt Farr said. “[They think] it’s going to somehow negatively impact their career because a military career is everything; it’s how you support your family and it’s serving your country, so you don’t want to put that on the line.”
Farr, who lives in Leonardtown, experienced a recent loss when his Leonardtown neighbor, a military veteran, took his own life earlier this month.
The issue also exists with first responders.
“I’ve seen tragedy just about any way, shape or form you can imagine,” said Kim Davidson, who was an EMS in St. Mary’s for 48 years and one of the county’s original 10 medics who started the Advanced Life Support system. “I’ve seen terrible things and I’ve seen how people react to them. It’s not just, ‘Oh, well put a Band-Aid on it.’ It’s a lot more than a Band-Aid and it goes a lot deeper than a Band-Aid can.”
Davidson said there is a fine line when offering assistance.
“There is that wonder of how far can I go and how far can I push myself onto somebody else before they really turn?” he said. “I know when it’s time for me to shut up and just sit there and just be company for you, and if you want me to speak I’ll speak.”
“We need to make sure people understand they have a support network out there,” Crosby said, “and if they don’t have one to help them find one because organizations like this provide them.”
For more information, go to wefacethefight.org or robertirvinefoundation.org or www.militaryonesource.mil.
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