Ask Amy: seriously bad advice

Dear Amy,

I have a big presentation at work next week and I’m feeling incredibly nervous. I’m not good at public speaking and I’m worried I’ll mess it up. Do you have any advice on how to calm my nerves?

Dear Reader,

Nerves before a big presentation? No problem! Just imagine everyone in the room is judging you as harshly as possible. To prepare, practice talking to yourself in the mirror while giving yourself a good scolding for every tiny mistake. And don’t forget to stay up all night before the presentation, worrying about everything that could go wrong. Lack of sleep really helps sharpen the mind, right?

On the day of the presentation, chug a few energy drinks to make sure you’re vibrating with energy and start with a long-winded joke that you’re not entirely sure is appropriate to really break the ice. Then, speak as quickly as humanly possible to get it all over with.

Also, try to really keep the volume down. No one will know you messed up if they can’t hear you. And don’t forget the classic: imagining everyone in their underwear. Nothing says “confidence boost” like picturing your boss in polka-dot boxers.

Or, you could just prepare a bit in advance, practice your presentation a few times, maybe take deep breaths and remind yourself that it’s okay not to be perfect. After all, everyone in the audience is human too (mostly). Remember, they’re probably just glad it’s you up there and not them!

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